AITA for not picking up my car-less roommate

My roommate (F22) and I (F22) live together in Atlanta and have been here since August. Background: She does not have a car, and I do. Right after college, she got a job that was commission-only. At the time, I didn’t have a job lined up. During the two months I was unemployed, she regularly asked me to drive her to work-related appointments (fingerprinting, notarization, licensing tests, etc.). These locations were often about 30 minutes away, even though closer options were available that she didn’t schedule. She also asked me to pick her up from work so she wouldn’t have to take the bus (about 30 minutes) or walk (around 40 minutes). I agreed because I didn’t have much else going on, but it started to bother me that she would ask me to be there at a certain time (like 5:30), then tell me after I’d already arrived that I’d have to wait another 30/45 minutes. I got quite irritated with it, as i didn’t like sitting in my car wasting gas or waiting around in the lobby. During those two months of driving her frequently, she never offered gas money. I didn’t push the issue though, because she hadn’t made any income from her job.

At the end of September, I got a job that’s an hour away from our apartment. I work 9 am – 7 pm Mon-Thurs, so I’ve occasionally picked her up from work on Fridays since I’m home then and usually don’t have plans. She still sometimes asks me to drive her places. Around New Year’s, she told me she quit her job (she made literally $0 the entire time) and accepted a part-time position at a store that’s opening soon. However, the training for this job is about 25 miles away from our apartment and runs from (i believe) 4:30 p.m. to 9 p.m., three days a week. She casually mentioned that she doesn’t know how she’ll get to or from training.

There is literally no way I could take her there, I know I could offer to pick her up, but I didn’t. And I’m not quite sure I want to. After being out of the house for 11–12 hours and dealing with Atlanta traffic, the idea of driving out of my way late at night to pick her up feels exhausting. Even though it would be later in the evening, Atlanta traffic is unpredictable, and it would still mean more driving and gas – which I know she wouldn’t offer gas money for. A main reason why I never brought up the gas money thing in the first place, was bc her boyfriend visits every weekend and sometimes helps pay for apartment necessities like paper towels or toilet paper since she doesn’t have much money. (for the people asking about logistics, her boyfriend will often venmo her money to pay for our bills like internet, gas, etc.) or get me one or two things I request from the grocery store if they go.

Am I wrong for not offering to pick her up? And if I did agree to pick her up, would I be the asshole for asking her to give me gas money – which wouldn’t really be her money?

14 thoughts on “AITA for not picking up my car-less roommate”
  1. NTA. You’ve been more than accommodating and nice about taking her places. She needs to figure out her own transportation needs.

  2. NTA!

    And do NOT fall for “I’ll drive you to your work and you can take the bus home so I can use your car to get to work.” Make sure your spare car key is well secured.

  3. NTA

    I am carless in a big city and one of the things I do is figure out how to get anywhere on public transit and my two feet.

    She’s got a lot of time being unemployed to do dry runs on the transit to figure out how to access her job.

  4. NTA & do NOT offer – she has to adult up & figure out her own ways to work!

    I didn’t have a car off & on for 10-12 years & you know what I did? Took the bus, then the light rail when that was built. I didn’t accept jobs too late or too far, and would frequently look up bus schedules before I fully committed to anything.

    And when I did ask for a ride or a friend offered? I gave them gas money no question, both to thank them & so they would remember I was one to pay my way – so they would be more open to offer a ride in the future!

    I get she’s young, but way beyond old enough to practically figure this stuff out on her own, esp when most mass transit has online schedules & trip planners

  5. She knows she has no car, she should apply for jobs that she can get to by bus or train. Atlanta has good public transportation. You are not her chauffeur and the fact she never offered you gas money is trifling. It ain’t the 99 early 2000s no more when $20 would get you a full tank.  Gas is high.

    She is not a child and you are not her mother, her grown ass needs to figure it out. Don’t feel guilty for no longer giving her rides.

  6. NTA. Also, take this opportunity to set the firm boundary that you do not provide rides, especially free rides. You’re roommates, so there is no expectation for you to be doing this from anyone other than her. It’s one thing to be an emergency ride, but that’s not this situation. She took a job and part of that is her figuring out a ride to/from that’s not you

  7. Nope. NTA.

    It is simply not your role or responsibilty to support your housemate. Just say no if she asks and do not offer.
    This is on her. Her life and she needs to work out how to meet her responsibilities.

    You aren’t her parent AND she’s an adult.

    You have already done WAY more then you needed to do.

  8. NTA

    Don’t do it. She has used you enough.

    She can bus it or rideshare. BF can fund it or she can sell some plasma.

    You didn’t take her to raise.

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