My wife and I have 7 kids between us. I have 2 with my late wife (11f and 9f), she has 2 with her ex husband (10m and 9m) and we have 3 together (7m, 4f, and 2f). My late wife passed giving birth to my 9 year old. Her sister still chose to be heavily involved in their life.
She lived out of state until very recently so her involvement in their life was mostly FaceTime calls, visiting every 1-2 months, taking the girls for a month every summer, and providing financial support.
Before she moved out here, she sent me $600 to get the girls good winter clothes. I chose to use it on all of my kids. Everyone got a puffer jacket, 2 fleece sweatshirts, a pair of boots, and a pack of socks. It doesn’t get that cold here so it’s really all they need.
When she found out I used the money on all of the kids and not just my older daughters, she demanded that I refund her, since that’s not what that money was for. I refused so she suddenly pulled all financial support. As a result of this, we had to move into an apartment, the kids had to stay home alone after school, and my oldest’s epipen expired (she never told us it was expiring). After multiple CPS calls, my older daughters now live with their aunt.
I was venting to a friend about this situation and they’re saying the whole thing is my fault because I chose not to use the money the way I was told to, then I refused to refund it when she told me to. My wife’s friends are blaming her for the same reason so I wanted to see if we were the assholes for using the money on all of our kids and not refunding her when she demanded it.
Edit: CPS didn’t remove the kids. We decided to let the girls live with their aunt and uncle.
YTA. Why have so may children when you are unable to financially support them? Obviously this wasn’t a minor thing if CPS actually removed one of your children. Your SIL was extremely generous and wanted that money to go towards her late sister’s children. If you didn’t want to only spend the money on her nieces, you shouldn’t have accepted the money at all.
Yeah um… Guy? This woman ain’t the aunt of your other kids. She is only the aunt of your two oldest. She gave you money for your two oldest to have appropriate clothes for the winter. She has ZERO obligation to your children with your wife or your wife’s children. Why on EARTH would you think she’d be okay with spending her money on them?
YTA.
Of course YTA. And have a lot in common with a box of rocks
YTA for having a bunch of kids you can’t afford. wtf.
YTA, but not for using the money on all of your kids. Its is because you expected an 11 year old to let you know their epipen, that could be needed to SAVE THEIR LIFE, was expired. I suspect there are valid reasons you lost custody. These are all symptoms of a much larger issue.
Also if your family income requires such heavy supplementation that her not sending you money had this dramatic of an effect, you are automatically the AH. She isn’t responsible to subsidize your housing, she is their aunt. Also it takes more than an expired epi pen to get your child taken away. Missing a lot of pieces here. YTA.
YTA.
Your SIL is involved in her nieces lives. She wanted them to have warm clothes and sent you money for that.
If the girls were taken from your care it’s not because you got them puffy jackets and socks. You’re leaving a lot out of this story.
I’m stuck on the fact that your life changed *that* drastically without her financial support; she was clearly giving you a very large sum of money. Being that financially dependent on the generosity of a sister-in-law is not a smart move.
YTA. You have way more kids than it sounds like you can afford. Five of the seven are not related to your sister-in-law, yet you have no problem using her generous money to care for them, regardless of whether she wants you to or not. Finally, CPS had to have found something troubling for them to remove two of your children from your care. (Like a 11 year olds epi-pen expiring and you not even knowing it). For the love of God, stop having kids.
Yta…since when is your late wife’s sister responsible for your other children? She was helping to support and care for her late sisters kids…not your kids with your new wife or your step kids. Seems that you have bigger problems than being ungrateful and obtuse if CPS placed the two kids with their aunt.
Edit: typo
Your 11-yr old’s epi pen expired, and your excuse is she didn’t tell you?
YTA. You have way too many children. You each had two when you met, and you created three more?! You are negligent to the point that Caps removed kids from your care. Holy moly.
She gave you money for her nieces, not the whole tribe. Clearly the financial support she was providing for her nieces was being used towards the whole family, and her getting custody seems to be the best for those girls.
Also, you think is the responsibility of your 11 year old to keep you posted on the status of her meds **don’t you know that’s what parents are for**? And I’m assuming when you left the kids alone she was supposed to watch the other six? Are you seriously asking if YTA?
Because yes you are.
YTA. Get a vasectomy.