My fiance just proposed. We haven’t told anyone yet, mostly because we’re still in the process of procuring a ring. It’s possible that this might not even end up becoming an issue, but I’ve been thinking about something…
I’m neurodivergent and was raised in an emotionally abusive household that resulted in me really struggling to make friendships. I FINALLY started to make friends at work this past year after a few years of therapy. We’re not THAT close yet, but I can see it going that way. I’m one of their first texts when big things happen, but we never hang out outside of work, though I think that’s going to change soon, as we’ve been talking about doing things like karaoke nights. I would really like to have some sort of "bachelorette" party with them (nothing big), but the problem is that I don’t think I can invite them to the wedding. We all work together, and my father is our boss’s boss’s boss. I bring this up because that means he has an "image" to protect in front of my friends. Both of my brothers also used to work for my dad, and we were all banned from having work friends to the house/at family functions so that my dad could feel comfortable being himself.
I’m wondering: WIBTA if I asked them all to a "bachelorette" party, but didn’t invite them to the wedding? It’s going to be a very small wedding (immediate family + like 4 of my fiance’s childhood friends), so it’s not like I’m inviting everyone in the world but them. Also the "bachelorette" party wouldn’t cost them money or anything (unless they wanted to do that); I’m not expecting a night in Vegas or something, just a get together. I finally have friends, and I don’t wanna screw this up.
Completely off topic: apparently, you’re not allowed to post on here if you use em dashes. Like, the post button gets grayed out!? That’s insane! I get it, no AI, but it’s just punctuation.
EDIT: It’s becoming increasingly clear that I may have misrepresented my intentions with this, as multiple commenters have brought up the same thing. I DO NOT want them spending money on me, and I don’t want a party about me. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been to a bachelorette party before (I’ve only seen them on TV), but I really thought I was being clear. I was just gonna be like, "hey guys, good news, I’m getting married! Do y’all wanna celebrate!?" and then we’d have a casual little party thrown together where we talk about or do whatever. The only relation it would really have to the wedding is that maybe the announcement would get people in a partying mood. I don’t know if this makes a difference, but I thought I should make that clear.
YWBTA you either want to celebrate with them or you don’t. Your dad doesn’t get to decide who is invited or not, you and your partner do.
Yes. YWBTAH. This is in very poor taste.
> I would really like to have some sort of “bachelorette” party with them (nothing big), but the problem is that I don’t think I can invite them to the wedding. We all work together, and my father is our boss’s boss’s boss. I bring this up because that means he has an “image” to protect in front of my friends.
Given the newness of your friendship, I think it’s best if you just invite them out but don’t make it about you. Don’t make it your bachelorette. Just suggest start talking about a girls night and see how that goes over and over and do it.
My personal opinion is that if they are invited to the bachelorette party or bridal shower they need to be invited to the wedding. If you let them know you’re engaged and going to have a microwedding they may offer to throw you a little party or shower before, especially if your dad is one of the big bosses.
Maybe work on making friends with people outside of work who you are allowed to have over. If you can’t invite your friends to the 4th of July BBQ because your dad is going to be there, are they really your friends? To my mind they’re more like acquaintances or work colleagues, not people who are true friends.
YWBTA. It’s also a double standard. Your bachelorette party IS a family event, as it would be in honor of YOU, who is part of the family.
I think you should just have a get together but dont make it about the wedding. just hang out. theres no real way to invite them to one and not the other without making it weird. you can tell them the news and explain its a super small wedding though. maybe they’ll understand and want to do something anyway.
YWBTAH if you do the party and not the wedding unfortunately
Didn’t even need to read the whole thing. You want your friends to throw a party for you but not have them attend the wedding. No matter what your excuses are or whatever bullshit you make up to justify it, this makes you an absolute AH.
YWBTA. If you as a group decide to celebrate your upcoming wedding, cool, but don’t call it a bachelorette party. Too much potential for drama and hurt feelings when they’re not invited to the wedding.
I would be careful how close you get to these people. Your dad is the Big Boss so of course they’re going to be nice to you. If you want to hang out with them, that’s fine, but like another poster said, you need to cultivate friendships outside of work.
YWBTA. It’s rude to invite people to a bachelorette/shower and not the wedding. It doesn’t even sound like you are really friends with these people if you don’t even socialize outside of work.
YWBTA.
No. You generally invite people to a bachelorette that you’re close with and want to have there to celebrate you getting married. That includes the wedding itself. Otherwise, it feels insulting that they’re good enough to spend money on you for a night out, but not enough to see the wedding.
Just don’t sell it as a bachelorette for your night out if they’re not invited.
Yes
Yes of course YWBTA. It’s beyond rude to invite people to pre-wedding events and not invite them to the wedding. You’re basically saying they’re good enough to take you out and spend money and pay attention to you, but they’re not good enough to go to the wedding.
If your dad is such a big shot he should be the most welcoming and generous host at your fabulous large wedding.
Yes. YWBTA. If people are invited to any of the minor wedding rituals, they should be invited to the main event as well.