Me and my grandma just got into a really dumb argument about our location sharing. Let me explain:
My family uses life 360 to track where I go, which I really don’t mind since I’m not really doing anything ‘rebellious’ ever. My mom and I have this unspoken rule where the two of us will always share our locations with EACH OTHER no matter what. Or, if my location is on, hers has to be on too. We agreed to this and it makes it feel equal. We do not usually care what each other is doing and it’s really just a safety thing.
A few months ago, I also agreed to share my location with my grandma under the guides that she share hers with me. We did this for a while, until I noticed that she turned her location permissions off. Now, my grandma is a heavy drinker and will often go out every night to her ‘store’ and stay out for 20 minutes to hours on end. This is concerning considering we don’t know where she is during this time, because she refuses to tell us. Long story short, because she turned her location off, I turned mine off too.
I come home from school today and she confronts me, asking me why I don’t have my location permissions on. I tell her it’s because she turned hers off, and that I would turn it back on if she would too. We proceeded to get into an argument because she refused to turn hers on, and that I was ‘forcing’ her to turn hers on which I didn’t have the right to do. (In my perspective at least, I wasn’t forcing her to do anything but I see why she thought that way.)
I have a job interview this Thursday that I might have to cancel now because we got into a yelling match about this and she refuses to take me to it (Which is fine, it isn’t really her responsibility anyway.) I personally don’t think I am in the wrong, considering that she isn’t my legal guardian either and my mom already has my location accessed. I would like to know if I am wrong for this. AITA?
Update: I just gave it to her anyway. Mom and I are moving out within the next year so it won’t really matter after that.
NTA, but I’d like to see her response if you say “Fine, let’s agree we will both only turn it off when we’re at the liquor store.”
NAH. But I would suggest you’re not really “equals” with your grandmother who is an adult and as an elder deserves some respect and consideration. You haven’t given your age but I’m assuming from “school” but “job interview” that it’s in the 15-18 range. In the sense of intrinsic value as people, sure we’re all equals. But in terms of social standing and responsibility, you’re not “equal” with your mother and grandmother.
Assuming you’re underage, your parent or guardian has a legal responsibility to know where you are and to ensure that you are safe. You don’t have that same responsibility for your grandmother, assuming she does not have dementia or some other disability.
Because your grandmother doesn’t seem to be your parent or guardian. I’d question why she needs to location track you, especially if your mother is already clearly doing it. Maybe the best thing would be just to drop it on both ends. I would only be giving out personal information like that to someone who has a clear and actual need to know it.
It’s maybe a bit cheeky to insist on monitoring grandma. She’s an adult who can get drunk if she wants to. That isn’t really your business. There’s probably a less passive aggressive way to handle your concern for your grandmother’s safety than turning off your location tracking and giving her a scare. But I don’t think that rises to the level of actual ass-holery.
INFO: How old are you? If you’re an adult NTA. If you’re a minor, then what does your mom think and is grandma a primary caregiver (even if not a legal guardian)? If you’re a minor and grandma is a primary caregiver then even though it’s nice of mom to share her location with you I think grandma had every right to both require you to share and choose not to share her own. If you’re a minor but grandma is not a primary caregiver then I think mom has the final say. If you’re an adult grandma can kick rocks but she also has no obligation to drive you anywhere and compromising may be necessary unless you can figure out your own transportation going forward.
In this instance, it doesn’t matter if OP is a minor. If grandma wants to play power games, she can live without OP’s location (unless she’s paying for the phone). What’s good for the goose…
Im currently 17 and living with both of them. Ive let my mom know that Ive done this and she doesn’t necessarily oppose it. However, now that its an argument I’d say otherwise. I act a lot on resentment toward her because I do not like her whatsoever, but seeing this perspective makes sense
Take a bus to your interview
NTA. I’m unsure of your age but this sounds like something you and your mom agreed to do to for the sake of safety and looking out for one another. Your grandma is using it as an excuse to snoop and control you when things don’t go her way.
I also love that the thing she’s going to “take away” isn’t a party or something fun – it’s an actual job opportunity. That alone makes me believe she’s greatly lacking logic/common sense. No sense in arguing with someone like that!
NTA
I think it’s reasonable for your grandmother and your mother to be able to know your whereabouts since both watch over you, a minor. However, your grandmother is an adult and if she doesn’t want you to know where she is at all times, that’s her right.
Ig but its very hypocritcal of her to demand it when she herself has turned her location share off. OP isnt worried as her mom always knows where she is
Your mom has your info. Grandma doesn’t need it. If she had a problem with that she needs to take it up with your mom.
NTA. There’s no reason for her to share her location with you, and there’s also no reason for you to share yours with her. So you were right to turn it off. Don’t cancel your interview, take transit or an uber.
YTA. Her house, her rules. Seems likes you’re a minor. It’s reasonable for location sharing to go only one way between minors and adult family members.
I think tracking adults is stupid. BUT, a mutual agreement to track each other works well if you’re comfortable tracking/being tracked.
NTA