My husband and I (mid 30s) are expecting baby number 2. We have a 2 year old son already and are expecting a daughter. My SIL (husband’s sister) has a 3 month old daughter and is not planning on trying for another baby for a few years. We’ve been honest about the baby names we like when asked and our top baby name currently is a pretty popular name (top 10 and has been in the top 100 for a long time). My SIL told us last week that our top name is the girls name she has always loved and planned to use for her future daughter. My husband asked her why she didn’t already use the name since she already has a daughter and she said her husband picked her daughter’s name (not sure if this is true) but the name we’ve picked is the name she’s always wanted to use. She’s asking us to pick any other name from our list and save this one for her. She has no emotional connection to the name at all, it’s not a family name on her side or husbands side. However, it was my great grandmothers name. We didn’t pick it for that reason and my great grandmother died before I was born but when we told my mom the name she got emotional because it was her grandmothers name. I thought that was special so that is one push for us to want to use it over the others we liked. Our other reservation to “saving” the name for her, she doesn’t know if she will ever have another daughter so it seems silly to save it. If she was currently pregnant with a girl I would maybe be slightly more receptive to a conversation about this. She’s been making a lot of noise about this to other family member and we’ve gotten calls from my in laws and my husbands aunt giving us other name suggestions and trying to get us to pick something else. My husband is adamant that we’re not changing our minds and doubling down that’s the name, which we hadn’t even fully 100% decided, it was just a strong front runner. But hearing all the noise from family I’m starting feel guilty so I’m wondering AITA if I use the name? Truly regret ever sharing our list with anyone at this point.
Nta, she had her chance to name her first daughter that name
Aaaand this is why you don’t tell anyone the baby’s name until it’s on the birth certificate. Cousins with the same name are not unknown.
NTA
My cousin “E” named her son “Oliver”. 3 years later her sister “R” named her son “Oliver”. They don’t have a good relationship and don’t talk so E was not happy about that but has since moved on because they live 2000 miles from her and don’t see each other. I didn’t have the greatest impression when R seemly coped the name (we have our own history and she is currently not talking to be because I had a different opinion on a subject. She cuts people off who do not 100% agree with her, it’s tiring and quite frankly peaceful without her in my life lol). I recently learned from their other sister that it was because the R’s boyfriend’s grandfather named “Oliver”. And I thought good for them, it shouldn’t matter if an older cousin has the same name if the guy wanted to name his son after a family member.
I have a big Italian family – lots of relatives. At one point years ago there were 11 Anthonys. LOL Name the baby whatever you want.
Yep. I have like 40 cousins. Call for John, James, Anthony, and Michael and you get 60% of them.
Its not like Italians can select any name, they only have 12 to choose from.
Use the name you want and tell her of she wants to use it too if she has another girl that’s fine.
She is being ridiculous. She came up with this after you told her the names when she already has a child she didn’t use it for.
NTA
NTA – Just flat out say great minds think alike and you’d be happy for the cousins to share the name, as you are using a family name for your daughter. Sure, your great grandmother might not have meant a lot to you, but if your mom being emotional over it does, that still means a lot.
NTA. You are having the baby first and can name her what you want. She could also not have another daughter so then the name wouldn’t even be used? She also already has a daughter and could’ve chosen the name. I think people who gate keep names for babies they’re not even pregnant with are a little entitled and out of touch with reality.
You can’t reserve names. But the number of times this story is told says you should never tell people the name you plan.
Actual baby trumps hypothetical baby. People who nuke relationships over this kind of thing confuse the hell out of me.
You can both use the name. Who cares if cousins share a name? Families have multiple people with the same name all the time.
Cousins can have the same name. Its not as big a deal as people pretend. NTA.
This is why you don’t announce potential names. Once the child is born, you announce your name & everyone just lives with your choice. No arguments to be tolerated.