I 19m live in student accommodation while at uni but I actually already know everyone in my flat from before because you could select friends to be your flat mates and we were all going to the same place.
Most of us are still home for Christmas because we don’t start again for another couple weeks. We have a gc and I ask who’s all up at the flat because I’m planning a night out next day with me and different friends and might use our kitchen for pres and good friend I’ll call Ryan messages me individually after everyone else says they aren’t there.
Ryan says he will be there and asks what time I’m thinking of having these people over. I say early enough like 4 but won’t be drinking right away probably just chill in the kitchen.
He mentioned this new girlfriend of his is coming over around the exact same time and they also have tickets to the same night we’re heading to. He then asks exact numbers I’m bringing over and I say 3 and invite them to join us if they want to.
He actually then calls me and explains a bit awkwardly that yeah actually might do. But for the first while if they do come around that time could we not use the kitchen or at least stay away from the part that’s the usual spot for hanging out in (it’s like a living room/kitchen hybrid with the area why the kitchen table then other with the TV/sofas other smaller tables and I have my switch on the TV) because his room is the one at the end connected to the kitchen and his wall is up against right where that hangout spot is.
I laugh and he says he normally wouldn’t ask that because it’s not fair. but then awkwardly justifies it by explaining they’ve more or less formally planned to be fucking for the first time then (his actual first) and he’d just feel a little more comfortable if we like stayed in my room or something or even again away from the usual hangout spot.
I tell him that’s fine, that day I bring my guests into my room which is a bit cramped for that, so we go into the kitchen immediately but I keep them at the kitchen end for while like half an hour. But friend said she wanted to play Mario kart and it just kinda dawned on me that actually this is my kitchen too oh well for Ryan he’s an adult he can deal with it. So we all just start playing that in that spot right next to his rooms wall.
Later when they join us he speaks to me privately and gets a bit mad, nothing crazy but he was annoyed I said I’d do one thing and then did the other with no notice and didn’t appreciate it. And he asked me politely even if it was a big ask and just was frustrated I went back on a thing I said I’d do.
But Tbf if you’re asking a big favour you’re not entitled to the full effort of that favour if that makes sense. Like I did try for a bit, and he should’ve been prepared for that and I can’t imagine it was a serious issue. Plus it’s not a big deal anyway tho curious what people would think.
ESH really but barely Y T A. Yes, the ask was unreasonable, yes you’re entitled to use of the shared living spaces whenever you’d like, but you did *agree* to the ask and then pretty much immediately did a 180.
He’s right to be frustrated that his friend and roommate agreed to something and then didn’t do what he said.
Is the ask unreasonable? I don’t think so. Legit the First time the dude had ever asked and it’s for a special moment. So firmly, YTA
YTA. He asked for some privacy & you agreed to give it to him. Once you decided your room was too small to accommodate everyone, it’s easy enough to say to your guests ‘Hey, Ryan has asked for a bit of privacy, can we stay towards this side of the space for our visit.”
Torn cause he has a right to ask even if it’s a little entitled, and you have the right to say no.
If it is his first time, I think bro code you should give him a little grace. Inviting your mates over an hour later wouldn’t have killed you. If my buddy was wanting to get it on especially for the first time I’d have gone to the pub or any of my mate’s house for the whole evening as it’s just a kind thing to do. If it was every night then he’d be wrong but it was one night.
I think what pushed me is you agreed and immediately went back on it. I don’t think he’s an asshole for being upset that you went back on your word on what was probably a very important night for him.
Sorry but going to have to be a YTA vote.
You told him that was fine and that you would honour his request then immediately went back on your word.
YTA
Not only are YTA but you are an asshole generally if you think telling someone you’ll do something and then not doing it is ok. And if you think a person’s first time isn’t a big deal. And if you think anything in life doesn’t deserve full effort. You owe your mate an apology and yourself some serious time for reflection. I’m really not trying to be a dick, but this is just basic, human stuff.
YTA
You could have said no when he asked. You didn’t. You said it was fine. You knew it was something important to him and you went back on what you said. You didn’t act with integrity.
Then when he let you know it upset him? Which is honest communication…you still are acting like it’s no big deal and his feelings about it don’t matter.
YTA you asked if it was okay and got a reply that you agreed with, you then changed your mind
YTA you went back on your word. If you’d been upfront from the beginning and said no, then the verdict would be different. It was a big ask and you were entitled to say no but you didn’t. You were doing him a favor and then felt it was too much work and changed your mind without even letting him know (not that you could in that moment, but in general that’s how it should be handled). That’s where you went wrong.
YTA
How could it have “dawned on” you that it was your kitchen too? That is why he asked you privately. What was the reason you agreed?
Also, I take issue with you using the word “entitled,” when discussing the “favour.” If someone asks for a big favor, and another person agrees to it, then they can expect the full amount of effort and commitment from the other person.
You could have said no. You could have made a compromise that you would stay away for X amount of time, but you didn’t.
You owe him an apology, and continued understanding that he might not trust you to keep commitments anymore.
YTA because you agreed to help your friend and then selfishly didn’t keep your word. Not cool, bro
Yta- you agreed to something and didn’t honor the agreement. If you weren’t comfortable with it then you should not have agreed to it. He is justified for being annoyed.
YTA
Did your room suddenly shrink? You knew how many people were coming and what spaces were available and could easily have just told him no if it wasn’t going to be ok.
Don’t agree to do something if you have no intention of honouring it, no matter how big the ask. It’s not entitled at all to ask for something, only to demand it when you are told no so your friend has done nothing wrong here.
YTA, you shouldn’t make a promise if you aren’t 100% sure if you will hold up your end of it. You should have told your friend no and let him know it was unreasonable