WIBTA if I do not let my mother be in my future babies life.
So my partner (23F) and I (25m) have been together for 7 years now, we have spoken about kids before but recently we decided that we are ready to take the next step and start trying to conceive.
My mother has always asked us when we are having kids and we just went along and said stuff like it will happen when it happens or that we were not ready yet, but she always makes a point to mention it when we see her.
My partner has a lot of medical issues which makes it harder for her to fall pregnant so it’s a touchy subject for anyone to bring up.
One time my mother even offered to be a suragant for our child and she done all this research about how that would all work and whether she could , to say I was shocked is an understatement.
Another time she came over and we spent the afternoon at the park playing with my nephew and everything was going good not any mention about kids or pregnancy,
than right before she got in her car to leave she turns to us and says “yous should adopt or be foster parents” than starts to tell us all about how it works and how we can become foster parents all while we were saying that we wouldn’t be doing that.
The first reason is that my childhood was far from perfect I grew up in an animal hoarded house amount other things and I do not want our child to be exposed to it as nothing has changed.
My sister and her son lives with my mother and her son calls my mother mum and my sister by her name which is a normal thing in that household, there is no way I want my mother making my child feel like they have to/ can call her mum.
My mother also is very controlling and likes telling people how to live their life ( good example above) she has also corrected my sister on the way she parents her son.
So WIBTA if I do not let my mother be in my future babies life.
Nah honestly NTA. This sounds exhausting already and there isnt even a baby yet. The constant pushing about kids alone would drive me nuts, especially knowing your partner’s medical stuff. And the animal hoarding thing is a legit concern, thats not petty. Youre allowed to protect your future kid and set boundaries, even if its your mom.
Nta, I don’t know the lady and I wouldn’t want my kids near her
NTA, she sounds exhausting. If she’s this intense about hypothetical babies, she’s going to be insufferable if you do end up having children. It’s your mum so you need to make sure any conversation about boundaries is led by you because she sounds vindictive enough to try to blame your partner
NTA I would even go further: Why do you have contact with her? If you don’t even want your children to have contact with her why do you expect it of yourself?
But yeah, if you don’t feel like your mother is good for your children don’t make them have contact with her. It also sounds like she shouldn’t have.
NTA and better to do it before the kids the even conceived, and you’ll likely have to go at the very least very low contact
NTA
but to do that you have to go NC now, not after she finds out you are trying or are expecting.
sorry but isn’t that incest by proxy? without touching the emotional and legal aspect of the issue, isn’t genetically problematic being you her child? It would be different if she was your partner’s mom, but you and her are strictly related. Just yuck from every pov. NTA, but i would talk to her clearly, before cutting contact, let her know how messed up was she said was.
If the mother were to be a surrogate she would not use her eggs. Still disgusting and weirdly incest-y, but not from a genetic point of view.
I’m hoping she meant the fetus would be an egg from her Dil and fertilised by OP. If grandma is already “mum” to her daughter’s child, can you imagine how bad she would be with a grandchild she carried?
She’s got a LOT of issues going on they’re going to make it really challenging. I’ve made this decision myself for different reasons (mom’s got a LOT of issues going on) and while it’s really heartbreaking in some ways, it can also be the best/only thing to do to protect your child. YWNBTA.
NtA so I’m assuming you will be going No contact with Mom sister nephew or any other family in their orbit. You cant exactly hide the fact you will have a child and once she knows, you know she’ll want to get involved and have plans. When’s the baby shower? When can I start babysitting ? We’ll when I raised my kids… ect.
If you could live anywhere in the country, where would it be?
Okay. Please for the sake of your child, considering moving there. NTA.
NTA. She’s emotionally exhausting & rude. Start keeping her at arms length. Do not give any info that will allow her to “do her research” and inform you of what to do.
Start standing up for yourself, your spouse,& your family. When she says “you need to do x” you say “no we don’t need to do x” or “we’ll decide what we want to do ourselves thanks”