Me (20F) and I do not like kids. I never have I do not enjoy taking care of them playing with them or being responsible for them I have always been clear about this with my family.
My sister ( 31F) has a daughter(5m) I love her but loving someone does not mean I want to be a caregiver to the most thing i hate.
A few months ago my sister started asking me to help her with her daughter. at first it was small things watching her for an hour staying with her while my sister ran errands .I did not love it but I agreed because I felt pressured.
Slowly it turned into more and more I was expected to babysit multiple days a week for hours I had to feed her play with her help her shower and put her to sleep My sister never asked anymore she just assumed I would do it and yell at me when i dont.
Whenever I tried to say no she would say things like you are young ,you have free time ,you live at home anyway or she would guilt me by saying she is family and I should help and blame me.
I felt trapped and exhausted even though I hated every minute of it I still did it because every time I complained my family told me I was selfish.and I felt that I were a one.
Recently I told everyone that I had planned a trip with my friends .It was already paid for and planned weeks in advance I was excited because it was the first time in a long while I felt like I had something for myself.
My sister immediately got angry She said what am I supposed to do with my daughter then I reminded her that I never agreed to be her full time babysitter.
She exploded and said I was abandoning her and being irresponsible.like he’s my baby not hers. She told me that I should cancel my trip and take care of my niece instead.
So i immediately said no.
That turned into a huge argument She called me names including b1t€h and said I was immature and heartless My parents sided ofcorse with her and said I should step up and help my sister.
I felt overwhelmed and honestly done taht j would really snap at them If I stayed.So I packed a bag and left the house to stay with my boyfriend for a few days.
Now they are furious.They say I ran away from responsibility and that I chose my boyfriend and friends over my own family. My sister says I betrayed her and that she can not rely on me anymore.
I feel guilty for my niece an I feel that I am the bad one.
So AITA?
Edit:for anybody wondering I meant in the (5m) A 5 months old.
NTA and sister saying she can’t rely on you anymore sounds like a win in my opinion. She can find someone else to mooch off of.
NTA…Your sister is responsible for her child, not you. You need to set boundaries here and be confident enough to maintain them. Just say no.
This! The number of posts about people dumping their kids is astonishing. OP is not the parents and deserves their own life! Sister needs to coparebt with dad or find other resources. OP isn’t her resource.
NTA
NTA, tell her that you didn’t have a child, she did, and that from now on, you will only spend time with your niece when you want to.
NTA. What your sister and parents are doing is emotional manipulation. You’re allowed to have your own life at 20. Taking space before you snapped was actually the mature choice. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean you were wrong, it just means they trained you to feel that way
NTA!!! Who THE FUCK agrees to take care of a baby that’s not theirs? You don’t have to do shit. Go on your trip, enjoy the trip, and deal with that when you get home. Yes that’s your sister and it’s cool that you help here and there but you need to remind her that that is not your child. That’s HER child and HER responsibility! If your parents side with her then they can help with the child.
NTA. Your sister and the child’s father are responsible for their daughter’s care. The child is not your responsibility. Your sister should have never relied on you in the first place.
Does your niece live in the home with you and your parents? Does your sister not have her own home?
Do your parents have an expectation that you will partake in babysitting rather than paying rent? I’m trying to figure out how or why they are on your sister’s side. If that’s the case, you would be better off paying them rent, imo.
> cannot rely on me anymore
Wanna bet she suddenly decides you *are* reliable when she’s too immature to take care of her own child again?
NTA
Sounds like your parents are volunteering to step in and provide free childcare for their grandchild, since they’re so vocal about this issue!
NTA
NTA.
You are not running away from responsibility – your sister is! This is not your child and not your responsibility. Some snark here: dear ole mom and dad can step up and continue to assist sister dearest with her avoidance by watching and caring for their grandchild themselves.
That’s HER child. Not yours. You have no responsibility because you don’t have children. NTA.
NTA. “She said what am I supposed to do with my daughter…”, I dunno, be a mom? It’s her kid.
And for that matter, where are your/her parents in all this? Are they “stepping up” to babysit her all the time?
Her saying she can’t rely on you is winning.
She got to have a child free, fun, no stress early 20s. Why shouldnt you? “You have more free time” yeah and so did you before you chose to have children.
“She can not rely on me anymore” – exactly, simply say “You are right you can’t”, to be fair, given your parents are siding with her, this entitlement is clearly bred into her. NTA