My parents have been pushing me for a while to start dating more seriously. I’ve told them multiple times that I’m not comfortable with blind dates and that I prefer to meet people naturally, but they think I’m being too picky and missing opportunities.
Last weekend, they told me we were going out for dinner as a family. When we got there, I realized they had invited someone to meet me without telling me beforehand. I felt completely surprised. I hadn’t agreed to this, and I didn’t have any time to mentally prepare or even decide if I wanted to meet up with someone new.
I tried to stay calm at first, but I was visibly uncomfortable. The person seemed nice, and I know they didn’t do anything wrong, but I couldn’t hide the feeling that my boundaries had been ignored. I ended up being short and distant during the conversation. I wasn’t rude or insulting, but I also wasn’t warm or engaging. I excused myself early and asked my parents to leave shortly after.
In the car, I told them I was upset because they had put me in a situation I clearly said I didn’t want. They responded by saying I embarrassed them and that I was unfair to the person who came to meet me. They said that even if I didn’t want the date, I should have been kinder and made the best of it.
I agree that the other person didn’t deserve to be caught in the middle, and I feel bad that my frustration showed. At the same time, I feel like my parents crossed a line by making a personal decision for me and not giving me any chance to decide what I want.
Now they’re still angry and saying I was disrespectful and immature, while I feel like I was reacting to having my boundaries ignored. AITA for how I handled it?
NTA. For next time, and there may well be a next time, let your parents know IN ADVANCE that in this situation, you will stand up, say that you are not comfortable going on what is essentially a double date with someone you don’t know, wish them all well and then walk out.
yeah thank you
i told them that, the should inform me next time before doing something like that when next
They should inform you? No, they should be asking you and respecting what you say.
NTA. Doesn’t even sound like you were particularly rude. This next part comes from a very independent mindset and I’m not sure of your cultural background, so take it with a grain of salt. Next time, I’d just tell the person that you were not told they would be there and had been misled to think this was a family dinner. They can choose to stay or leave, but at least you’ve made your position clear.
Your parents were the ones who were unfair to the person who they set up to meet you. Seriously, how did they think that someone would find it attractive to be set up with someone who was totally unaware they were being put on a date?
NTA, but you don’t have to be cold and distant with the innocent person your parents brought to dinner! I’m assuming you’re an adult, so the restaurant is not jail; you can leave. Just say something to the effect of “it was nice to meet you, but I need to leave” if you want to be gracious about it. If you’re feeling adventurous, say “dad, we talked about this” and storm off.
And in the future, if your parents invite you to dinner, arranging your own transportation is a must.
NTA. Next time, and there will be a next time, Forcefully tell your date something like “I am sorry, they KNOW I hate blind dates but still do it”. To Immediately dump the blame on them, where it belongs. Be polite but if you cannot easily chat, that is how it is.
This. I don’t think they did anything wrong or rude in this situation but I agree it needs to be placed at the parents feet. Personally, I’d be sickening sweet and turn to the date and say ” It was lovely to meet you and I am sure you’re a very sweet man but I am going to have to end this. My parents think I should be settling down and keep doing these ambush blind dates even though I’ve told them it makes me uncomfortable. I hope they treat you to a wonderful meal and you have a great night”
If mom and dad want to play games and lie then they need to foot the bill.
yeah i’m gonna do that next time
because i’m sure the will repeat this again
You’re right. The stranger didn’t deserve to be put in the situation YOUR PARENTS put them in. NTA
First- you absolutely, 100%, are not the A-hole and never will be in the situation. You’re parents, however, are pushy and gross not just because they crossed a clear boundary you set but because they laughed, called you (minor) names, put you in a uncomfortable situation they engineered with zero regard to you or him, lied to both you and him and frankly drug your boundaries through the mud while implying you shouldn’t be in charge of your own feelings or thoughts.
How old are you?
I am guessing they try and control/manufacture a lot of things in your life and have done so since you were a kid sadly. They may have know this guy (we can only hope) but they may also be going out and giving your personal information to men they ‘like’ and think would be a good fit for you. That, to me, is super concerning.
NTA. Your parents embarrassed themselves for doing something you told them you didnt want them to do, and hoping that awkwardness/politeness would mean you played along. Good on you for not. Perhaps this embarrassing event will keep them from doing it again.
NTA. I’ve been set up in dates by my family when I was younger (not the way your parents did it) and I said no to every one of them. My family saw me (at 20) as “unmarriable”. I didn’t care. I wanted to find my person by myself. Been with my husband for 30 years now.
Your parents were disrespectful toward you by violating your boundaries. If my folks did this we would have words. NTA.