I (19m) got a message from one of my flatmates (25m) asking if we could do a deep clean of the house as he was having people over, I said yes I’ll clean the living room and he said he’d clean the kitchen. I came downstairs at midnight to make some food and went to put something in the bin and saw 2 of my kitchen towels aswell as every other kitchen towel in the bin. The kitchen towels are definitely in bad shape but nothing some vinegar and a proper clean won’t fix. I took my towels out and messaged my flatmate saying “I don’t think a deep clean involves binning other people’s kitchen towels when they could be washed” I meant it in a sort of jokey way but I was definitely annoyed that he binned my towels without asking. My flatmate then came downstairs clearly annoyed and swearing saying stuff like “your chatting \*\*\*\*” etc. he said he was going to buy more because he thought they were beyond saving even tho I disagree, I said something along the lines of “that’s fine but I didn’t want mine being binned, it’s about the principle of binning someone’s stuff without asking” he kept disagreeing and stayed angry and also brought up the fact that I used his cheese grater even tho he said I could as long as I washed up which he denied. I don’t want this to become a big issue as conflict in a shared house isn’t good but I don’t feel like I had done anything wrong. Idk if my message was too harsh and idk if I should say anything more or just leave it.
Edit: I forgot to add he thinks I was saying he didn’t deep clean the kitchen well enough, I told him that’s not what I said.
TLDR: AITA for sending my flatmate a message saying not to bin my kitchen towels just because he thinks there too dirty even if he said he would replace them.
ESH sure he shouldn’t have thrown your stuff away without even consulting you, but sending passive agressive messages is just asking for miscommunication at best, a fight at worst.
I thought it might be passive aggressive but this is just one part of a long list of things he does that are wrong so I was kinda sick of it.
Thats fair, have you had a conversation or is it past that at this point? If it is my best advice is start planning to move when you can.
I’ve asked him to stop doing certain things such as using my towels and not washing them or to learn how to aim when using the bathroom and in fairness he has, but the fact he got this angry over something like this I just find weird.
How is it passive? He stated how he felt about the situation.
OPs text message was passive agressive.
How is clearly stating what he thought passive aggressive?
NTA.
The miscommunication occurred when he threw out your items without asking first. The right way if whatvhe saying os true (about buying new ones) would have been for him to let you know he was going to throw out your manky ones if you didn’t want to keep them then, buy new ones (before throwing the old ones out).
I usually recycle the old ones into cleaning rags (dip stick cleaner, grease gun cleaner, eyc) before just binning them.
Yeah I think that’s the main issue the fact that he didn’t bother to ask, I did tell him it’s about the principle even if he was going to buy new ones.
You probably need to clean the towels if they’re gross. Don’t put it off.
Yeah ik?