My girlfriend and I live together and when we moved in we agreed rent and bills would be 50/50 as long as we can both comfortably afford it.
We mentioned if one of us lost their job and couldn’t pay etc then we’d obviously look at it. We both earn around £2000 a month and live in a low cost of living area so our bills only total around £650-£700 a month.
This means we can save a good amount each month along with having enough disposable income. I recently got a £450 a month after tax pay rise. My gf asked what I planned to do with it and I mentioned that I’d be putting most of it in savings, some would go on getting things I want each month and some would go towards dates etc.
She asked if I’d be paying more of the rent and bills and I said no. I mentioned our agreement but she said I wasn’t being fair towards her. She said I should be paying but I just asked why when she can still comfortably afford her half. I pointed out she isn’t worse off financially so I shouldn’t need to pay more.
She said again I wasn’t being fair but I just said I shouldn’t be getting punished for getting a raise.
AITAH for refusing to consider changing our agreement?
NTA if that was the agreement it’s fair to stick to it. It’s not like you’re suddenly making hundreds of thousands more than her it was a nice raids but not life changing
NTA. Your income has changed but your expenses should remain what they are.
If you did it proportional to income is would be (assuming the higher of £700):
You = £385
Her = £315
Rather than the current £350 each. She’s arguing about £35.
Is there something bigger going on here? Does she feel your relationship isn’t 50:50 in other ways? Does she pay for more “house stuff” (either consumables or maybe decoration things like pillows or stuff??)
This is largely NAH for me but I think perhaps your attitude toward her wasn’t great.
50/50 can work well in a lot of instances but its not always the most equitable. Its why a lot of couples choose to split finances based on income. It allows both parties to save and to benefit from things like pay rises.
If you took on a bit more, it would be a 55/45% split.
And while right now its not a big deal, if that divide got wider, I think you might want to consider being open to how you would handle that down the line.
NTA. Just because you got a raise doesn’t make you responsible for more than your half of rent and bills. If she had no income, then you could revisit the idea, but as long as she can afford her share you do not need to adjust your arrangement. Just because you are in a better financial position than you were before doesn’t make you responsible for more. You are entitled to use that increase in income as you wish.
NTA but if you ever planned on marrying her then she might not want to because your decision and wording behind it showed her that you will be living a better life while leaving her behind and even though things seem even as a 50/50 it will likely always be unbalanced. That is not a situation a girl will choose to stay in especially when factors like children, in-laws, etc come into the picture.
I think this is the issue. Suspect the “me first” mentality is what’s upsetting her, rather than the money itself (which, someone already pointed out, is about 35 quid a month.) It suggests you consider your gains your own, while expecting her to split your losses.
Not a problem with roommates. *Destroyer* of long-term relationships.
Okay. In my opinion, while yes you did get a raise, that means you can put more into savings in case there is an emergency or something else.
You both agreed on 50/50, so I really dont see the issue here. While I do think you could have maybe been a bit nicer about it, you are NTA as you both MUTUALLY agreed.
NAH You made an agreement and you have the right to stick to it. Yet, I do think it would be more fair to divide the costs proportionally to income.
Why are you copying a post which was up yesterday? And that post itself was a copy?
The agreement was if any one started making less or loss their job you’d discuss it. 700 a month split 2 ways is 350. Both made 2K, it’s 17.5 % of your income. 17.5% of 2450 is 392.88. If you want to round up to 400, do that and have pay 300.
Work with each other is my advice. What if she starts making more? Would you ask her to contribute more or less?
I’d say YTA for being so transactional over something that can equate to 50 bucks more a month for you and 50 bucks less a month for her. What if she lost her job? Would you kick her out?
exactly the same post with a different username [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1qdkxyk/aio\_for\_refusing\_to\_pay\_more\_of\_the\_rent\_and\_bills/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1qdkxyk/aio_for_refusing_to_pay_more_of_the_rent_and_bills/)
Glad someone else noticed this. Was wondering if he didn’t like the answer on the last post so he made another one.
NAH
50/50 is great especially when you’re earning around the same but when one partner starts to break away it can quickly feel punitive to the lower earner. As in “why should I have to support more proportionally while the person who loves me throws the money in my face”, not saying it’s accurate to this situation but it is how it can feel.
Honestly a sit down conversation is probably more what’s needed to find how the both of you are feeling, Reddit may make you feel right but it’s important to focus on the end goals. You got a raise and want to save more, hell yeah, you also mutually agreed to your partner to split costs equally. It’s may end that the best solution is you do 55/45, so that hopefully you can still save more than previously and the costs are equal in proportion to earnings.
I think the attitudes of you both are just quick and reactive which happens with financial issues, people get defensive but it’s important to drill down to the reasons why the rules where made and the new goals of our shifting priorities to come to a solution.
Who knows the extra money your partner doesn’t spend may go onto savings for a deposit on a better place.
All the best, congrats on the raise and I hope this gets resolved well for both parties