For unbiased opinions, I am not mentioning gender or exact ages. We are both between 26 and 30.
I worked quite late that day, which matters because we barely spent any time together. We have a 7-year-old, and my partner’s parent is visiting from our home country and staying with us.
When I got home, it was straight into dinner, then bath time and bedtime for our child. By the time everything was done and our kid was asleep, it was around 23:15. That was the first time we were actually alone that night.
We were lying on the couch and my partner was being affectionate, kissing and cuddling me. I was into it and made that clear. After a few minutes, my partner got up and went into the open-plan kitchen to grab a late-night protein snack.
While they were eating, I started talking about my day. Everything I shared was positive. I have been working toward a promotion, and my manager is going on medical leave. I have been given the chance to step in while they are away. My partner already knew this was coming, but I was sharing more details about meetings and how the next few weeks will look. I was excited because it is a good opportunity and good for our family.
My partner listened and joined in. There was no obvious annoyance. They did move to the other couch instead of sitting next to me, but the conversation itself felt normal. I talked for maybe 15 minutes, not long.
We went upstairs to get ready for bed. While I was brushing my teeth, my partner said they were annoyed that I started talking about work while they were being affectionate and that I ruined the mood.
I want to be clear that sex was not really an option anyway. My partner’s parent is a night owl and was still awake nearby. Our child has also been sleeping in our bed during the school holidays because they go to bed later and fall asleep easier there. Even though our house has other spaces, with someone still up, it was not going to happen. This was just calm cuddling, nothing heated.
Also, the cuddling had already been interrupted when my partner got up to eat. I started talking while they were in the kitchen, not while we were actively cuddling.
I did not argue at the time. I went over, gave my partner a kiss and a cuddle, said sorry, said goodnight, and went to bed.
The next day, my partner asked why I had an attitude. I explained that I was hurt. That was the first chance I had to share good news from my day. This bothered me more because my partner does not like it when I vent about negative work stuff, so I have been trying not to do that. This time, it was all positive.
My partner said it was not the right time or place. I said that makes me feel like I have to be careful about when I am allowed to talk, even about good things. That does not feel great.
I get excited about things that matter to me, but I do not talk about work all the time. I also care about listening and being there for my partner. This was a short conversation and important to me.
So, am I the AH?
I haven’t read this but seeing as you don’t know what a paragraph is, yta
Apologies, but I have no clue what you’re referring to, this is my first time using reddit. I am not familiar, it came up in conversation as a platform to ask, because I wanted a truly unbiased opinion, because I am fully willing to accept if I’m at fault and change my pov. Additionally, my 1st language is not English, so I’m not sure if you’re referring to a paragraph in regards to my way of writing, or whatever. Point comes down to the fact that I have no clue what you’re talking about. But hey, thank you for engaging 👍
It’s hard to read your post because it isn’t broken up into paragraphs. It’s just a wall of text that anyone on a mobile device will skip by.
Thank you for the feedback, I have amended it.
Much better
They mean breaking up the giant block of text with paragraphs.
After a few sentences, hit enter twice to to make your post easier to read.
This is annoying for readers, but it’s a common mistake on both sides. Please don’t worry about it 😊
Onto your issue – your partner is being a royal asshole, not you. You cannot be expected to only talk about things they want. It’s controlling, esp since you say you now feel you’re not allowed to talk.
A job is your life outside the house. If you’ve had a good day, it’s normal & usually expected to share that with your partner. If you’ve had a crap day, you’re allowed to come home & let off a bit of steam.
How will partner handle the increased workload & office time when you get promoted? Will they still expect you to be silent when you get home? If so, how/will their bad behavior escalate if you “insist” on sharing? Do they act badly with other things?
The answers will be signs if you’re on the relationship path you want, or need to make changes.
NTA
Try reading this one…
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1qb7mbz/aita_for_refusing_to_leave_my_job_so_i_could_take/
… it’ll make this one feel like a warm spring day.
I believe you’re not particularly the asshole. You might just have to express that you don’t like guidelines on your conversations and you want to express yourself freely to the person you love. Also tell your partner that you love their affection or sexy time, and whenever that needs to be prioritized for them to let you know. It sounds like your partner may be a little stand off ish, but just express you do love them but want to speak freely
NTA.