Hi, I had posted a few days ago. This was the link to that post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/wz623rQhgw
It was my first time asking for opinions on reddit and I’m fairly glad I did. The feedback was helpful. While my husband really should have told me beforehand if he didn’t plan on heating the food I had prepared, I crossed a line in what I said. It made it sound like I didn’t trust him with the kids which is not how I feel, but that is what it sounded like.
I apologized to him for what I said. We’d moved past it but I still thought it was best to get this out of the way, and he was cool about it, said he understood why I reacted that way. So thats that.
I’ve read a lot of comments saying that I need to learn to let go a bit. And maybe they’re right. I’ve let it go for so long because I guess in my eyes they’re still my babies, and I didn’t want anything to take away from their studies and friends and their fun. But I’ve realized I’m not doing them any favors by not slowly delegating responsibility. So I’ve had them help me in cooking dinner now, and I want to get them to a point where they can at least prepare something for themselves or reheat something if I’m stuck at work. And they seemed to enjoy it too. Thank you.
Well done, OP! It’s hard to know when to make changes as kids get older and their needs change.
But also, what about YOUR needs? You have a dental practice! That takes a lot of time and work! You don’t have to spend all your free time making everyone’s favorite meals. And, quite frankly, if when Dad is in charge he gets to slack off and throw money at a problem and order food or hand them lunch money instead of taking the time to make them lunch himself, then so do you.
I recommend that you give yourself more balance, more peace, and less work by taking a page from his book and do less cooking/meal prep. Use that extra time to pick up a hobby, talk to a friend, read a book, take a nap, watch a show… whatever gives you joy.
I don’t know what your marriage is like, but reading the sheer amount of work you put in to creating all those meals (which were mostly never appreciated) for when you wouldn’t even be home to enjoy them, makes me wonder if you shoulder an uneven workload of daily household tasks and emotional labor, and I recommend that you pick a few of those things to just stop. And pick your least-favorite things to hand off to other people. And pick the best life-skills- building ones specifically to give to and teach your kids to do.
So…..now your kids also do some tasks, but your husband keeps doing nothing? You really missed some serious advice on the weaponized incompetence strategy from your husband on the last post.
I agree. I can’t believe that was OP’s takeaway from the last post. Now the children bear the responsibility of taking care of themselves whilst the husband carries on pretending he doesn’t know how to parent. OP had nothing to apologise for either
Read the original post. 10 and 12 yo kids should know how a microwave works
Or the husband, as he seems not being able to do it either…
So now you have your kids picking up your adult ass husbands slack?
Wow, he really has it made, doesn’t he
This is so obviously bait, everyone in the previous thread was “Your husband is weaponizing his incompetence” and the update is “I apologized for being mean and the kids are picking up the slack”
It really sucks that you had to leave food and so many instructions… he’s a parent too, and had been for 12 years. In an equal partnership, you should be able to leave for the week with just a goodbye. It’s posts like this that make me so happy to be in an actual equal partnership with my kids’ dad. I could literally leave for a week tonight without notice and everyone would be totally fine, and even more so, everything would be the same (minus my absence). I’m so sorry that so many people don’t have that, it is truly so shit.
Dude this is not a positive update. Your husband wasted your time by not owning up to being incapable of heating up dinner. I don’t think at 10 and 12 your kids should be responsible for cooking their meals. My husband‘s mom did this bc his dad is completely incompetent. Anytime we’ve gone over there to eat and she’s not home my husband has to cook bc he can’t figure it out. His dad can’t grocery shop either. It’s embarrassing. Your husband is more than capable of learning he just doesn’t want to.
Good job OP, now your husband knows that you have no spine at all and he can do whatever he wants and you will end up apologizing even if you were right, what a wonderful example are you giving to your children… Just great…
Hey so he’s a grown man fully capable of heating food up, in another comment you said teaching him how to cook would be more hassle than it’s worth, coming from someone who didn’t cook until i taught myself when I went off to college it’s actually really easy; he just doesn’t respect you or your marriage
And what is so difficult about the man taking a couple of courses on cooking for adult education? My county offers them dirt cheap.
>At this point asking him to start learning how to cook and clean is more trouble than its worth.
He is an adult, you are making the kids learn how to cook, why can’t he be a willing participant in the same lessons? I have no idea why you think this is ok, especially because you are showing your kids that this behavior is acceptable. They have a shitty dad and a shitty mother too, you should both be better examples for them…
And yet another woman excusing the shit out of a useless man. Honestly, what a waste of time was this update and the og post.