i’m 29M, work in a small creative team (about 8 of us). One coworker Sarah (32F) is super outgoing and always gives unsolicited advice to everyone. She’s genuinely well meaning, but her style is intense constant pep talks, you just need to push through it, have you tried journaling, gratitude etc? even when no one asked.
I’ve been dealing with diagnosed anxiety for years and finally found a good routine with therapy/meds that works for me. Lately Sarah’s been zeroing in on me cornering me at lunch, sending articles about overcoming fear, telling me I seem stuck and need to level up my mindset. It started feeling overwhelming, like my boundaries were being steamrolled.
Last week after another long chat where she kept pushing despite me saying I’m good, thanks, I pulled her aside privately and said, Hey, I appreciate you care, but the constant advice is stressing me out more. Please stop giving me suggestions about my mental health unless I ask. She looked shocked, said she was just trying to help because she, sees potential in me, and now she’s barely speaking to me and told a couple others I’m ungrateful and closed off.
Some teammates think I was too blunt and could’ve softened it, while my close friend at work says she crossed a line and I did the right thing. I feel kinda bad because she probably meant well, but I’m so relieved to have some peace. AITA?
NTA, harassment in the name of “being a good person who just wants to help” is still harassment
you are right, i just felt i did too much
You literally just talked to her normally, you didn’t belittle her or snap at her, you’re not the weird one in this situation, don’t worry 🙂
NTA. How could you have possibly softened that and still made it clear that you want this to stop? You’re fine, what you said is fine. She sounds absolutely intolerable.
honestly, at some point it became too much for me to handle, it became an everyday reminder for me
NTA
If she was really as well meaning as she says to be, she would accept your words without telling others that you’re ungrateful.
you are right
NTA. The amount of people who have passive aggressively asked if I’ve tried yoga or meditation when I say I’ve got anxiety is actually horrifying. Your coworker sounds like a nightmare and you’re not TA for asserting a boundary for your health. She can get stuffed
NTA , you did the right thing . She clearly couldn’t take a hint so your next move is what you did be more direct . If she keeps on then you have to go to the group lead to deal with this issue . She needs to know not everyone wants others to get involved with their personal lives. You did great , pushy people need to know they can’t force their opinions of life on other even when they “mean well “
I don’t think there is a softer way to say that. You were extremely respectful and kind but you still need to get your points across. NTA. she’s embarrassed because she overstepped and you asked her to stop. Her response is about her, not about what you said.
She needed that honesty. She needs to pull back and myob. She is free to get a degree in psychotherapy and live her best life. People will be making appointments to see her. Until then, stfu Sarah.
Is that blunt enough? lol
NTA.
Giving unsolicited advice is generally poor behaviour, giving unsolicited advice about someone’s mental health is both inappropriate and potentially harmful (like you said, increases anxiety). Not accepting unsolicited advice is a good boundary to keep, and asking her to respect that is reasonable. It’s better to be blunt and honest than to not get your point across in this case. Her feeling embarrassed or upset that her intent did not match the impact is normal, but that’s not your monkey.
“… now she’s barely speaking to me…”
And …..problem solved.
NTA at all.