My uncle’s wife was an actress. Her parents were actors with her Dad being very accomplished and successful for his time. She and her sister became actresses but retired/changed careers. I watched some of the shows she was in and I was stunned when I learned my uncle was going out with her and then married her. I’ve spoken to her several times and am on good terms with her.
Recently I paid them a visit. She wasn’t in so I spoke with my uncle. I visited for New Years and because I wanted to show them a video of an album she did when she was 16 that I found online. It was her singing popular songs from the time, she never became a singer but she sounded amazing in it. The video, at the same time did feel a bit poignant, it felt like an image of who she was/what she could have been and what her parents wanted for her.
My uncle agreed that she sounded lovely and joked whether she should have done that instead of acting. He then sarcastically joked that maybe she chose wrong and could have been minted. These remarks annoyed me, I felt like he doesn’t really appreciate the talent she had and how much she sacrificed for their marriage.
I challenged him and asked hypothetically where he thought she would be if she never met him. He was puzzled and guessed maybe still acting or settled with someone else. For some context, my uncle was a big farmer and that profession is really labour intensive. She had to help him with the physical tasks, doing the books, side jobs and then they had kids and that put the final nail in her acting career.
I pointed out how there is a correlation in her taking on less acting roles and when she met him and how having to help him with the farm obviously contributed to her quitting. He was annoyed and replied it’s been nearly 30 years since she quit and that it’s a bit late for that insight. He didn’t address my point. I said I’m not judging him just that she did sacrifice a lot for him. She told me before, she was offered the chance to audition for a major movie in the 90s that she now loves but declined due to her relationship and not wanting to travel abroad. I told him this and again he refused to acknowledge the point repeating it was so long ago and asserting that she was done with acting at that point.
He then asked me to wait for her to return and tell her this insight and see what she thinks. I was a bit freaked out as it came across as on the spot and I could tell it was getting under his skin so I apologised and changed the topic and left shortly after.
Later his wife phoned me and she took his side based on whatever spin he told her saying I was being judgemental. I just agreed because I didn’t want to escalate this so I quickly changed the topic to the album and the rest of the call went normally.
I think my uncle is acting extremely petty and insecure. I’m not judging him or vilifying him. I just want him to understand how much she sacrificed for their marriage.
YTA.
Correlation =/= causation. And way to jump the gun to assumptions without getting your aunts perspective on her career.
Who wouldn’t be petty or insecure if their little shit of a niece/nephew had the balls to tell them to their face their spouse made the wrong choice in marrying them?
YTA for pointing out how much better her life would have been without him, according to you.
YTA, this is weird and exhausting. You went looking for a convoluted fight.
YTA. Are you in love with this woman or something? This is really none of your business.
YTA It’s none of your business the choices they made 30 years ago.
You are accusing your uncle of forcing her to end her career, which invalidates her as a person capable of deciding what she wants in life.
Why are you so obsessed with this woman’s former career?
YTA. Your fixation is not reality.
YTA. This is none of your business. Don’t try and stir shit up in other people’s marriages.
YTA
You must be really young and immature. There’s tons of Hollywood stories out there of actors leaving the business because they didn’t do want to x,y,z. And many of them had been offered big things or simply aged out or weren’t getting parts that they wanted. Your aunt was an adult and trying to belittle her choices and blame your uncle for them is pretty crappy.
YTA – You say you’re not judging him, but you want him to acknowledge that he was the source of her sacrifice. That is judgment!
She didn’t have to marry him. She didn’t have to give up her career. She didn’t have to move on to a farm. She obviously did that because she loved him. And thought that was more important than her potential future career.
Quite frankly, it’s none of your business. So stay out of it.
YTA. No one knows the world that exists between two people who have been married for a long time except for them. I promise you he knows her better than you do. And she knows herself and the *choices she made* and *why she made them* better than you do. You’re just an interloper who is spewing opinions based on what you imagine you could have done with her talent. You weren’t the person who was acting. You weren’t the person who fell in love. You didn’t even know that person. You seem unable to tell the difference between your fantasy of their life and their reality of it. You owe them both an apology.
YTA- She isn’t a victim. Your uncle didn’t happen to her and she doesn’t owe the world her talents. Even when love isn’t involved, plenty of actresses choose to leave the industry for a quieter life.
Her choices are hers to make and she sounds happy.
It’s not like acting isn’t hard work and a lot of BS. It looks glamorous when you watch the end product but not everyone wants that life and I don’t think that they are a universally happy group. I’m not an expert but there seems to be a lot of substance abuse and mental health issues. That has to come from something so there must be a lot we don’t see on the silver screen. Also as a female in the 90s all the guys getting in trouble for abusing power over young actresses were probably going full speed ahead. She might have had legitimate reasons to not want that life. Sounds like the primary issue is op is sad her aunt wasn’t famous so she could ride her coattails.
YTA. Sounds like your aunt made a choice to be with your uncle. Not really sure why that bothers you.