So I had the flu two weeks ago and we agreed not to hang last weekend out of caution and to let me rest. His birthday was during the week and we’d planned for me to celebrate with him and his family this weekend (He was away on a work trip which is why we couldn’t see each other during the week). I had an absolutely horrible work week and got some really horrible news last night about a close friend. He found out last night that the forecast was for heavy snow today and tomorrow, and said to me that “I need to be at his place early then”, to which I said, uh no I need to take it easy but I will watch the weather and do my best. Fast forward to this morning, this snow storm is worse than we thought. Not once has he said sorry about the bad news or relieved me of this ‘obligation’ to drive to his house (two hours from me in a pretty secluded area where it’s unlikely they’ve cleared the roads) – instead he’s just updating me about the roads. When we spoke on the phone an hour ago he said “well this is why I suggested you get here early.” ….for one, he was busy this morning with another obligation. Two, I warned him my tires aren’t great and while my father checked them out and said they’re ok generally, it’s still important to keep that in mind. Plus, we just got new insurance and if something happens during this probation period, we’ll get dropped, which I shared with him. Three, his text yesterday was not written in a suggestive manner, but came off as an order.
He just said to me “let’s wait it out because it stopped snowing here”…. Let’s just say, my dad is annoyed and honestly so am I. And he’s ticked off that my dad is annoyed too. It’s just not really safe at this point in my small little two wheel drive car to drive two hours out when the storm has gotten worse than predicted. And he didn’t express any sympathy or care about my safety, despite saying “of course I’m concerned”…AITA for snapping at his directive and not driving to him in this storm?
Nta. It’s not his birthday day, and even if it was. a celebration can always be rescheduled. Safety first, maybe if he has a better vehicle and feels more confident he can come get you but stay safe.
I’d say ESH.
He seems to be too self-centered to understand how difficult your situation is, and you never appeared to have truly communicated that you won’t go (despite all the reasons you’ve displayed in the post), which in turn contributes to his behavior.
NTA. My boyfriend and I had lived 1.5 hours apart even though it was 50 miles. He lives in a rural area. When it snowed we always change plans. Now that I live with him I understand the concern due to it really does get worse here when weather strikes. If your boyfriend can not be supportive of the weather and think of only himself then why are you in a relationship with this person.
NTA, which I think you know. This behavior won’t likely get better. Take this situation as a lesson into who he is and what his priorities are.
I would not want to drive in a snowstorm with a small 2 Wheel Dr. car. You’re doing the right thing by checking road conditions. You should just keep them the rest of the fact that if the weather stays the same or worse, you’re not driving.
I had a boyfriend who expected me to do this exact thing years ago. There Was a very bad storm snd I lived in Northern New England. I skied and knew all the tricks to driving in the snow as well as always having an emergency bag with blankets, flares, extra gloves, water, the whole deal. Well, I had just got done working at 5pm and changed and headed out. The winter time it gets darker sooner. It was snowing and the roads looked okay, so I’m on my way. He actually lives at one of the ski resorts so I knew there probably be a lot of traffic. The snow was getting heavier and heavier, I had all wheel drive so I felt safe. I noticed several cars off the road and driving was a slow go. I was closer by this time to him, than my home so I just kept going. He calls me and starts yelling at me about where was I. I said look out the window and you’ll see why I’m not there yet. He just said well hurry up and get here, I’m hungry. We were meeting his friends at a restaurant.
Well, I didn’t like that one bit. I turned around right there and then and went home. He didn’t call me again during that time to see if I was okay. I did text him the next morning to tell him to Fuck Off. Blocked him everywhere
Just take that lesson OP. I am much older than you, but If I’d been you I would have listened to my dad. Stay safe
NTA. Don’t ever get on the roads in a snowstorm of you aren’t 100% comfortable driving in it. If your BF gave a shit he wouldn’t be pushing you.
You’ve been sick. You don’t feel you can drive safely through a snowstorm. You’ve just received awful news.
Your bf still expects you to go see him… is he expecting BD s3x?
He has two hands. He can take care of his “expectations” solo.
NTA
NTA. Someone who cares about your best interest and safety would want you to stay put and not put yourself at risk.
NTA, please don’t risk your life for someone who has no concern for yours.
NTA I live in NY and just recently got in an accident, I’m fine and it was not bad, popped a tire and some fender bender damage. But I was going 35mph, turning, and my back tires decided it was a great time to go sledding. I had hit a patch of black ice at 5am. If he isn’t worried about your safety then you should reconsider a relationship with him.
ESH. All you had to do was say NO. No, you’re not putting your safety at risk to drive through a storm. I know it’s a birthday, but that’s not an automatic command performance. Even if you had a brand new 4WD SUV, two hours in stormy conditions is an absurd ask for such a minor reason. You don’t need to be relieved of an obligation, you need to stay alive.
As for him, he’s definitely best left at that two-hour distance. He sounds selfish, lazy, and without empathy. Why would you remain connected to someone who doesn’t care about your safety? The trash can is right there.
NTA. He doesn’t seem to care about you or your safety.
It sounds like you didn’t want to go and didn’t want to say that. ESH