I (36m) got invited to an online songwriter’s group that gives prompts every two weeks, and each member must post a song the wrote with that prompt. I just joined after the new year.
I am primarily a drummer and lyricist. I do not play melodic instruments to a high degree. I also am mortified to hear my voice. I kinda hate it. But I am all about getting better at songwriting and challenging myself in this group.
I wrote my song today. My wife wanted to hear it, and I don’t want her to listen. There’s nothing bad in it relating to her. It’s just very unpolished and I honestly don’t want to talk about it with her. My voice is shaky, it’s a corny song, and I’m just embarrassed. I have shared and written songs for her previously, but it’s been a long time and they were always decently produced and thought out. This group is not about polish.
I told her this and she stormed out of the room. She said she takes it personally because all these other people get to hear it and not her. I told her I was way more comfortable allowing other workshoppers to hear it than people I am close to.
AITA?
NTA. You’re allowed to have a place to creatively express yourself – good luck with the songwriting 🙂
Thank you. Gonna need it bc I’m very rusty.
NTA. You’re allowed to have spaces for you. *If* you want to include her, would you be comfortable sharing some of the lyrics you wrote or part of a song that you really like? I don’t think you have to by any means though.
If I think it’s good, absolutely! I have done that previously. I haven’t written many songs in the last few years. I am by no means keeping it from her because of her.
NTA
NTA. I never share creative works in process with family members. I am not creating for them as the audience.
NTA Not everything needs to be shared with your spouse. You get to have things that are just yours or even things that you only do or share with other people. The fact that strangers are hearing the songs is fine since that’s actually the point of the group. Your wife is being weird and very immature.
NTA. I feel like people who make creative work would understand this. Maybe by way of explaining it to her – though it’s not a perfect analogy – it’s like a journal. There’s nothing in there you couldn’t know, but I will feel differently about writing in it if I know you might read it, and suddenly it’s not serving its purpose for me anymore. I will create most freely and do my best work if I’m not in the back of my mind worrying how good it is or what my favorite people will think of it, and of me. Though I know you will always be supportive, this is just what I need. When I ever have songs that are more finished and I’m proud of, I’d be honored to share them with you.
That is a fantastic analogy. Thank you so much.
NAH. I wish I had a better call for you, OP, but this is an easily understood case of you both being right, but in ways that are wrong in the other person’s eyes.
On your side, you’re looking at this like it being rough work, and you’re doing it in a place where other rough works are going to be shared. It’s a work in progress, not something you would show off.
For your wife, the fact that you have shared music with her before does make her wonder why she’s being cut out here. If anyone should be in the position to hear the rough and unpolished work, she feels like it should be her.
It does make me question where and when and how you’re writing and recording this where she wouldn’t be in the vicinity to hear the process and render your concerns moot anyway, but that almost doesn’t matter.
You two need to sit and talk it out. If this was pick-up hockey, and you’d always invited her before, and now this season you don’t want her to come, she would wonder why. The same is true for pottery or axe-throwing or full contact tiddlywinks. It’s not the what that is important, it’s that she used to be allowed to hear it, and now she can’t, and that makes her feel like you’re shutting her out.
Again, no wrongs here, just two points of view that are missing one another.
NAW – she was probably trying to be included/ connect with you…
You could have handed the lyrics over and asked her opinion, no need to sing
NAH. You’re not wrong for not sharing, or her for supporting you, but you are making her feel like she’s not a safe space for sharing, so you might want to massage that part of the delivery a bit better.