Posted this in another group but figured I’d ask this one too. I’m having some backlash from family due to my upcoming wedding. Got engaged last august and originally my fiance and I chose to wait a few years and within a month decided to move it to this june and do something super small and intimate instead of a big traditional wedding. Uncles big wedding is in December and now he’s extremely pissed because I am “jumping” their wedding. AITA? It wasn’t intentional to also get married same year as them we didn’t even know their plans and was not intentionally trying to “steal the show” he refuses to speak to me and now im not sure what to do because I reached out to have a chat and it’s been crickets. My mother said he would cut me off if I continued with this wedding which I’m not sure if that’s really what he said or not but my wedding is happening either way. My issue is I love him dearly he’s like a brother but if he’s going to let this ruin our relationship and not acknowledge me do I even invite him to the wedding with this behavior? Don’t want to hold my breath for him to change his mind or be cordial again if he’s been like this for the past 4 months already.
EDIT:
I should have started with where i may be the AH. He apparently wanted this hot dog company to cater his jack and jill because it’s a family friend that we’ve all used for most events growing up. My grandmother suggested to me that I also do that for my wedding because my fiance and i want to do a taco bar at our wedding and she doesn’t like tacos so she said there should be more options. When i brought up the thought of them he had a tantrum saying I was rushing my wedding and nearly screamed bloody murder on the phone over it. Which I am infact not doing the hot dogs because i didnt think it would be a big deal but apparently they are.
So he got engaged December 2024 and still has yet to even announce anything regarding his wedding. Only reason I know its in December is because my mother said after our fight he and his fiance were mad that my wedding is right by their stuff.
I got engaged august 2025 and only told immediate family we weren’t exactly sure but possibly holding off a bit nothing set in stone and had to be decided still. Within that month we wanted to get eloped but had second thoughts because we did want to include our family and wanted it to be nice out so we chose june.
My family is very italian and very old school traditional. Everyone thinks I am rushing and trying to hop on their wedding and thinks it is disrespectful.
To the other fact, yes my grandmother did mention that he may be worried about everyone fiancially affording both events, however they are plenty of months away from each other and on very different scales. My wedding will be at a public park with dinner to follow in june. His will be some crazy big thing on a beach venue in December. He will most likely be inviting all of our immediate family and more than likely second cousins aunts and great uncles and such while I most definitely will not. I will be having my immediate family and friends only. The only person who may have an issue with attending both is my godfather, his brother who lives in California.
What possible difference could it make to anyone if you get married 6 months apart? Has he explained why it is upsetting? Is he worried some family members will only attend one of your weddings (for example, if they are traveling a long way)? What does it mean for an Uncle to “cut you off”? He’s not going to speak to you anymore because of the timing of your wedding? If so, that’s incredibly petty and it seems like maybe he’s not worth the energy. Unless there’s more to this story, NTA.
NTA this just doesn’t make sense, the weddings are 6 months apart.
INFO: is this his first marriage? When did he get engaged compared to you?
Either way NTA. You get one day for your wedding, not a whole year. And it doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything to “show up” his wedding so what’s it to him?
NTA A small intimate wedding six months before his is no reason for him to get upset.
NTA. Weddings aren’t a queue system and six months apart is plenty of space. You didn’t steal anything, you planned your life. If he’s choosing to ghost over that, that’s on him. Invite him if you want, but don’t pause your marriage for someone else’s ego.
INFO: When did your uncle get engaged and announce that they were getting married in December? Also, did you tell people you were going to wait a few years before you changed your minds and chose June? How many people are you planning to have at your “super small and intimate” wedding? How did you announce your Jund wedding date?
NTA
A man 20+ years older than you (assuming) is having a sook because his nephew/niece is getting married at a completely unrelated wedding SIX MONTHS before his? SIX MONTHS? That’s two seasons difference, more than 150 days between your event and his event.
Is no one allowed to be married in the same year as him? Is he the only one allowed to fall in love in your family this year?
You love him like a brother, but he does not seem to think the same. If my sister was getting married 6 months before or after me, I would just congratulate her and be happy we both found love so close to each other.
If it was like the day/week before his wedding that might be a bit distressing, but 6 months isn’t even in the same ballpark.
If he doesn’t apologise, I wouldn’t invite him to the wedding. Even if he doesn’t try and sabotage it somehow, he’ll probably still be having a tantrum, and is unlikely to invite you to his wedding.
NTA why do some people seem to think they own the whole year when they get married?
NTA, he’s being silly.
NTA. Your uncle is a drama queen. What kind of man gets aggressive with his niece because her wedding might essentially “kill his buzz” about his own wedding?
No man at all.
I really do not get this attitude that some people have that no one else.on their family (and sometimes friend group too) can get married the same year they do. My cousin got married three months after me. We also attended three friends’ weddings that year. Actually thought it was great that we would share how many years we had been married. My cousin got divorced. One friend lost his wife a couple of years ago. But us and the other two couples are all celebrating 36 years of marriage this year. Uncle is being a asshat.