My ex and his girlfriend took my son to the theater for the first time on a night I had to work the next morning, knowing I wouldn’t be able to go. They didn’t even tell me about it until right before they left to go. I don’t know for sure which one of them had the idea to do it.
I’m thinking of taking my son to the zoo for the first time this week, on the one day the weather will permit such an outing. But I won’t tell his father until the night before, or the morning of, knowing he will want to go.
He wants to be involved in all of his firsts, but so do I! I feel like it’s only fair that I have a first time experience with my son that he’s not involved in, since he blatantly did it to me.
So, WIBTA?
Edit: for some context, I have explained in the comments, my ex has demanded to be part of every first I have planned with our son, including my vacation and a convention that I have been wanting to go to for years, and finally made plans to go to.
What is best for the child? what will make the child have a good day?
if your ex has bad behavior and will risk manipulating and ruining the day anyways, no it’s not worth it to invite him.
if he can behave and get along with you and isn’t toxic, sure.
You can take your son to do whatever you want….they will all be your son’s first time with YOU. Your ex can take your son to do whatever he wants…they will all be your son’s first time with HIM. Y’all are making this more complicated than it needs to be. You and your ex are not together. Y’all can’t expect to be included in every little tiny thing the other one is doing.
NTA
But stop with the pettiness. You don’t have to invite your ex anywhere you go but leaving him out to get back at him is petty and your child will soon start to pick up on the tension. I doubt very much that your ex put as much thought into leaving you out as you think he did. You should continue on with your life as a single mum, you get to make plans and do things with your child without involving his father, and his father gets to do the same. Don’t plan your life around this man anymore.
No no no you guys are split up so your son will do some things first with him some with you. It does not matter.
Your son’s time with you should be about your family unit, and time with his dad should be about his dad’s family unit. Don’t even mention it. Nta.
Your child is not a weapon to use against your ex.
OMG your poor child. Not only TAH but a bad mother. Take some parenting classes immediately.
Yes, YWBTA if you go at it that way. Looking for faults, being petty, and assigning blame are all ways to make the situation more toxic for everyone, and your son will absorb those negative feelings.
Stop worrying about what is and is not a first experience for the kid. He won’t remember. You do, and you’re making this about you.
NAH – If you both want to be at your child’s “firsts”, you both agree to it, and neither of you makes it uncomfortable for the other one or your child, then I guess it’s okay. But realize it’s going to be very very difficult logistically. You aren’t a couple anymore, so you spend time with your child separately.
If you’re angry at your ex, talk to him about it, calmly. Don’t just go behind his back and do something petty just to get revenge. That will only worsen your relationship and make it harder for you to co-parent your kid. In the end, your kid will be the one who suffers the most.
YTA – it has nothing to do with going to the zoo and not inviting the father, but that you’re making such a big deal out of evening some score.
Stop with the pettiness and raise your child well. Some things will happen with dad first, some with you first. That’s life.
What’s best for the kid? Imma be honest I don’t give a fuck about what’s fair for you or the dad. What’s best for the kid?
Stop with the tit for tat bullshit. Using your kid as a weapon does nothing but screw over your kid.
When your child’s with you, you do your thing with him and when he’s with his father they get to do their own thing as well. You aren’t together anymore and aren’t required to be included in everything and vice versa.
YWBTA
YTA
This level of petty selfishness isn’t healthy for *anyone* involved. If you and the father are separated, you *both* **will** miss out on some firsts. That is life.
You don’t live together anymore so you both get to do what you want without each other.
Unfortunately, that means sometimes you’all will miss seeing ‘firsts’. That’s just the way it is.
However, going out of your way to do something intended to cause distress is an ah move. On the basis you believe he did it to you, and you are doing it to him ESH