So this morning during our homeschool morning stuff, I (15F) was crocheting a turtle. I have a small crochet business, so I usually crochet while we’re doing things.
My dad asked me, “What are you making?” I started to answer, but before I could finish, my little sister (10F) jumped in and said, “She’s making a turtle.”
I turned to her and said, pretty calmly, “Hey, can you not interrupt me? He asked me the question.” I wasn’t rude and didn’t raise my voice.
My dad immediately said I was being petty. He told me I’m a young woman and should know better, and that correcting her like that was petty.
I said I didn’t think it was petty and that it seemed like a normal thing to say, especially as an older sister. He wouldn’t accept that and just kept repeating that I was being petty and should know better because of my age.
Eventually I said, “Okay, whatever you think. I’m not going to argue anymore.”
This has happened before, so I tried to explain my point. I asked, “If I interrupted someone and Mom said, ‘Hey, don’t interrupt people,’ would that be petty?” He said no.
So I asked if that meant my sister shouldn’t be corrected at all. I gave an example of her being at a friend’s birthday party and answering for the birthday girl when someone asked what she got. He admitted that would be rude, but still said I shouldn’t be the one correcting her. He said I was trying to undermine his parenting by trying to find a loophole and I said no, I’m just trying to understand exactly what you mean.
Then he said I was trying to be petty on purpose and trying to start problems early in the morning, which honestly wasn’t what I was doing at all.
At that point I just said, “I don’t think I’m the one being petty here, but okay. I’m not arguing anymore. Let’s just do morning stuff so we can be done.”
He said “thank you” in a really sarcastic, mocking tone and then kept talking anyway.
So now I’m confused.
Am I the a-hole for not thinking I was being petty?
TL;DR: My dad asked me what I was making, my sister interrupted and answered for me, I politely asked her not to interrupt, and my dad said I was being petty and kept doubling down even after admitting interrupting is rude.
Edit: the reason I’m asking is because he will ignore me, and not take me to fun things with my siblings, and insult me on small things (like “wow your eating a lot today” I eat 1-2 meals a day, or no one would want to buy from your business if they knew what you where really like)
And I’m trying to figure out if that’s justified.
NTA
That wasn’t petty. How is she going to learn not to interrupt if she’s not corrected? You weren’t rude, you were advocating for yourself.
NTA
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202202/8-types-of-children-scapegoated-in-narcissistic-families
NTA all you did was correct her for something that impacted you. He doesn’t know what petty is. You weren’t trying to parent her. That’s like if she pushed someone and they said “that hurt. Don’t do that again.” Is that parenting?
Personally, I wouldn’t be able to debate my point to my parents without it turning into a brawl but the way you articulated it was mature of you.
NTA. Also, you’re a kid. Not a young woman. I’d love to hear why they’ve decided to homeschool.
NTA
Is she the baby of the family?
NTA
sounds like you’re in a tough spot. Your father sounds like a manipulative, controlling, and sad to say: AH.
Hopefully you’ll be able to leave for college. You deserve to be treated with respect, regardless of age.
Have you ever been asked to watch over your younger siblings? That makes you a caregiver of them, responsible for how they behave.
I am seeing this as a no win situation for you, however. The “man of the house” has made his decision and sounds like he will essentially punish you (whether you were right or wrong) until he feels vindicated. That isn’t the behavior of an adult, but of a petty person that hasn’t mentally grown up.
Sorry, but a lot of parents and “adults” in general, lack basic maturity. That is one of the sadder lessons children are frequently force fed. Basically, you can’t win.
And, yes, younger children do interrupt ALL THE TIME. They say things they shouldn’t, they blurt out secrets, and often cut off the hair off their dolls and do a whole bunch of other irrational things. The rules in your situation seem to be based on who is the “child” and who is interrupted and who is doing the interrupting. It isn’t fair. But that again, is a frequent problem with too many parents. Like law enforcement, they often take sides, and prejudge those they should be fairer to.
sorry for double response, replied incorrectly at first.
I am more concerned that you are only eating 1-2 meals per day and your father is trying to make you eat less. Can you talk to your mother about this? It sounds like you could be headed for an eating disorder.
They are both the same and they go through my phone so I can’t text the like 3 friends I have.
Plus I HATE talking about my problems to people I know.
Has your homeschooling actually taught you what you need to know? Are you going to be able to get a diploma or GED? I am thinking about how you get out of that environment when you turn 18.
I just do a curriculum she doesn’t do anything besides buy me the books. I’m actually one year ahead in math and language arts
You should find out what it will take for you to get either a diploma or GED, and think now about an exit plan. Will your parents pay for you to go to college? Do you have any friends you could move in with? I am afraid that they will try to keep you at home to watch your sister for another 7-8 years until she is grown.
I don’t know, I do kinda have an out for a month tho, I’m going to California (I live in Texas) whenever my aunt gets a puppy. Me and my puppy will be going to California to train her puppy. So that’s one thing to look forward to. I could go live with my grandma when I’m 18 she lives across the street.
Nta.
I say this as a Mom who homeschools-your dad is the reason homeschooling has such a stereotype. That is such a patriarchal, misogynistic thing to tell you that because you’re 15 you should know better than to correct someone. He’s telling you that silence is your place and you shouldn’t question your parents. He’s showing favoritism to your siblings because he’s probably seeing that you are not easily controlled and manipulated.
That is so wrong and you deserve better.
You did the more mature thing by essentially saying, “We don’t agree, so let’s just move on.”
Does your family have any interaction with other homeschoolers? Like co-ops or social meetups?