I moved in with my roommate last August. We have had a really good time living together and have kind of become best friends along the way. We agree about most things and have really great communication most of the time, and only have small squabbles and arguments.
I moved in with my cat Binx, and before we lived together I was living in a 2 bed with a roommate who was allergic, so Binx always stayed in my room, slept in my room, and ate in my room until I found a better situation for the both of us. When Current Roommate and I moved in together she was planning on having a dog, but that fell through. She told me she couldnt bear to sleep by herself at night so we went to the humane society a few days later.
We got her a kitten, around 12 weeks old. Everything had been going great for a while and then she started a new schedule at work where she started at 6am. I start work at 11am-7 and nighttime is when I get to love on my cat. Binx sleeps with me in my room, and he is a kitten who wants to play. He sits and scratches at my door and shakes it violently all night, eats the carpet underneath trying to claw his way in for hours until I wake up in the morning, even if I shove things under my door in the crack so he cannot move it.
When I do Supernanny method and just put him back in her room she lets him out ten minutes later and locks the door. after we have had conversations where she agrees that hes bored and needs to be played with vigorously before they go to sleep, and agrees she respects my sleep as well, the next night she immediately lets him out as soon as he starts his "keeping her awake"
This morning I finally cracked because she was drunk and had a guy over last night and I told him and her that he needs to stay in her room and gave them some toys to entertain him. He got let out a approx. 15 minutes later and when I went into her room to ask her what happened she told me to get out. I fed him in her room this morning and she tried to tell me hed been in there all night, which is just flat out not true.
I finally told her today that if she cant put forth the effort towards her cat he deserves she needs to find him a new home.
Edit; when i told her she needed to find him a new home or entertain the cat because its part of having one she told me "WOW Mary. Youre insane for that" when im literally just trying to lay a boundary
No of course you’re NTA but I strongly dislike your roommate- she is one of the main reasons there are so many poor animals in the shelters. People want a kitten or puppy, but the second they’re inconvenienced they want to get rid of it. Tell her SHE is the problem and if she cant take care of her cat the very least she could do is find him an actual home instead of returning to the shelter.
No the kitten needs to go back to the shelter. Most shelters have a clause in the adoption contract that requires the animal to be returned to them and not rehomed.
NTA. Close call though since you are guilty of cat tax evasion.
NTA
But you can’t dictate the ‘effort’ she puts in, just what affects you. So…right now (and all it is, from what you’re saying) is waking you up in the morning.
Focus your discussion on THAT, and say that in the same way she can’t stand being woken up by the cat wanting out of her room, you can’t stand being woken up by the cat wanting to get IN your room. She has to understand it’s the very same thing, a pesky cat at your bedroom door. Except it’s HER cat and she can’t let her animal disrupt YOUR sleep.
Either she keeps the cat in her room until a normal ‘awake’ time or she finds another solution. YOu have the right to peacefully enjoy your own living space and if her animal is scratching at your door all night, then SHE has to fix it.
yeah this is kind of exactly what Ive been trying to say, she thinks if she lets the cat out of her room the problem is fixed but its actually just being passed to me
A kitten is like a puppy or baby, it needs attention and if she keeps ignoring, she will have an ill-adjusted cat which will cause her WAY more problems down the road.
**Next time she refuses to deal with HER kitten tell her you’re tossing it in the bathroom and any mess/damage made will be HERS to clean up.**
I’m sure roommate ‘wishes’ that she could just let the cat out and it will be content to sit curled up on it’s bed but she has to understand that’s not what’s happening right now. Eventually, sure, but as a kitten, they’re not just ‘leave them alone’ age yet.
this is a great idea. she just struggles with effort in general sometimes and its really showing right now
NTA. If shes going to have a cat she needs to take care of the kitten. , you have your own cat to take care of and your own life to live. You can’t do that if you’re being kept awake all hours of the night. If she can’t deal with it, she can rehome the kitten. Everyone loves kittens. If she doesn’t want to then she can buy it one of those cat running wheels. In the end SHE wanted an animal. Its HER job to take care of it. Shes being inconsiderate.
NTA your roommate got a kitten, kittens like any baby are a lot of work. If she wanted a more independent cat she should have gotten an adult.
Record the kitten’s behavior and your roommate ignoring/kicking the kitten out. Let your roommate know that you will contact the shelter if she doesn’t step up and act like a proper pet owner.
She should have been prepared for sleepless nights when she got a BABY animal. My dog kept me up most nights for 3 months when she was a puppy. It takes time for them to learn to how to be alone. And honestly I don’t think a kitten should be allowed to free roam your apartment without supervision for the first little bit because they can easily get into things that are dangerous for them.
You cannot control any person except you.
You may have to build or purchase something to use as a barrier to your door.
Get a large box that is wider than your door. Place it outside your door where it touches the doorframe on either side. You may need to weigh it down some.
Maybe make a place for her kitten that it will want to be. Inside a box, even the one outside your door, place something it will be comfy sleeping in. Cut an entrance for it.
How long u til your lease is up? Let your roommate know you are having to move when the lease is up.
Or you can play with both kittens to tire them both out.
Whatever you decide, you need to remember you cannot control another person.
Get creative in solving the problem.
Good luck
thank you for this reminder, I guess what is frustrating is that we have talks about it and she says that shes going to fix it and she is not and I understand I can only control myself, I have ordered a rubber liner to go around it. I really enjoy living with her its just this damn cat tearing us apart. its just frustrating when actions dont match words
NTA; if she won’t rehome a pet that she won’t care for properly, it may be time for you to rehome the roommate.
NTA
Does your room are own the apartment? Are you both on the lease? Because if your both renting than make sure it’s clear it’s HER cat that damages the apartment and not yours. Get in in writing and with proof. Because any scratching will come out of your both pockets otherwise once you move out. Or your landlord might return the deposit etc.
And of course it’s not OK for her to let her cat disrupt your sleep because she’s too lazy to take care of it. But I would voice it not like “you need to play with him” but more like “he is waking me up”. Honestly I would probably wake her up everytime he wakes you up. Make it her problem also instead of suffering in silence. Because right now she gets a good night’s sleep and you don’t.