My sister (22F) is getting married in fall 2027, and I (22M) am going to be her “maid” of honor. She’s been planning the wedding with our parents (62M, 57F).
For background, my parents, especially my dad, have often been very harsh toward my sister as she has gotten older. Since she has moved out, there have been multiple occasions where she’s visited and left crying because of how they’ve spoke to her. They’ve called her selfish and unreasonable and gotten very loud when they disapprove of her decisions, and I don’t think those labels are fair in most cases.
My parents are contributing $5000 toward the wedding. This money was not given for a specific purpose, just to help pad the budget.
Recently, my sister and mom were discussing wedding budget when my parents asked to reserve 10-15 seats for their friends. My mom said that they were invited to these friends’ kids’ weddings and that these friends “watched us grow up”. My sister said that she didn’t want to invite them because she doesn’t really know them, and doesn’t want to pay for guests she has no relationship with.
They reacted very negatively and accused her of being selfish and disrespectful. My sister said she was on the verge of tears and had to move on from the conversation.
She called me that night upset, so I spoke to my parents the next morning to try to smooth things over. The conversation went very poorly. My dad asked if I thought my sister was being selfish, I said no, and he said there is no point in continuing the conversation and started talking about how our generation doesn’t see other people’s perspective.
I tried to explain that my sister felt she was spoken to very poorly and felt disrespected. My parents mocked that she felt upset. I also said that my sister and her fiancé could have chosen to get married at a courthouse and not involve anyone, and my dad responded, “Well why don’t they just do that then.”
My mom said not inviting these friends would put her in an uncomfortable social position, especially since they were invited to my sister’s high school graduation party. I said a graduation party and a wedding are very different, and that my sister is not the same person she was in high school. She’s since moved out, owns a home, graduated nursing school, and grown significantly as an adult. My dad dismissed this and snickered.
My parents did not apologize for how they spoke to my sister, only saying they were “sorry she felt disrespected.” They said they would not bring the issue up again, but things are currently tense. Because of this and similar past incidents, my sister is considering not having my dad walk her down the aisle.
I feel like my parents should respect her decision and stop pushing their expectations onto her wedding. AITA for not wanting my parents’ friends at the wedding?
Your sister has so much time to cancel the big wedding and elope. Parents like yours will soon question why their children won’t talk to them and can’t meet the grandkids.
NTA, this is your sister’s wedding, not your parents’. They are being the selfish ones. I would honestly consider giving them back the money and uninviting them if I was your sister. They don’t deserve to be apart of happy moments if they’re going to prioritize themselves and their reputation with their friends over their daughter.
I’d give back the money too. They are going to pull the “but I gave you money now you do as I say” card.
nta but ultimately your sisater needs to speak up , and put her foot down, maybe give them their 5k back and go smaller
My take, as well. Sis should return the $5K, because it’s a sure bet that, at some point, the parents are going to hit her with “we contributed money to this wedding so we should have a say”.
And then, once the money has been returned, they should be told that “your social standing has no bearing on my guest list or planning for my wedding.
If you cannot respect me or my wishes, you can feel free to consider yourselves uninvited.”
NTA
NTA. Your parents sound pretty unpleasant. I hope your sister has the wedding she wants.
NTA but this isn’t your fight. You can side with your sister vs your parents but it’s her wedding, and she should invite people she and her partner want to. She should be prepared for your parents to pull their 5k in retaliation. It will also be up to your sister whether or not your parents receive an invite.
Sis needs to give the 5k back, and not involve parents in any of the wedding planning. They can be guests if they manage to accept her boundaries throughout the wedding planning and event.
This OP, so long as they’ve contributed your parents are going to feel entitled to dictate sis’s wedding. Give the money back and don’t discuss the wedding with them any further
This is your sister’s wedding. Your parents do not get a say on who she invites. Your parents are being very selfish cause they’re only seeing her point of view and not their daughter’s.
In my experience, I would put her parents on an information diet. Do not discuss any of your sister’s wedding plans with them. Give yes or no answers and leave it at that.
The other thing I thought of is, if your parents want to invite these friends they can pay for each of them to attend the wedding and that way your sister is not covering the cost of people she does not know.
At the end of the day this is your sister’s wedding and your parents do not get a say even though they have given her money. But your sister better prepare herself cause your parents might decide to not go at all if they don’t get their way.
I wish your sister and her fiancée a very happy marriage.
NTA your parents sound nasty.
And I will never understand why people think it’s such an honor and prize to be invited to a wedding of people you barely know. I mean, sure there are cultures where everyone in a family goes, no matter how distantly related, but your parents’ neighbors?
IMO weddings are usually pretty dull and if you don really know the people aren’t there better things you’d like to do on a Saturday?
NTA, it’s her wedding, not a repayment dinner for your parents’ social calendar
Tell your sister to give the money back, have a super small wedding with only the people they truly want present, and tell your parents that if they want a big wedding for their friends, they can make the arrangements, pay for it, and invite whoever they want.
But if a big wedding is your sister’s dream, then she’s gonna have to talk to your parents about increasing the budget or inviting fewer of her friends to make room for your parents’ guests.
NTA I think maybe mom and dad don’t deserve to go to this wedding. She should return the $5000 and cut these jerks out. Talk to your sister and help her get away from the abuse.