I (F30s) am MOH in Mildred’s wedding. We’ve been BFFs for a decade. We live in LA, as does another bridesmaid, Ethel. The 3rd bridesmaid, Edna, lives in SL and I’ve only met her once prior.
Mildred planned a joint B/G bach weekend away. She asked Edna to plan the brides’ half instead of me because she assumed I’d be busy. I was fine with this and happy to support.
Edna sent group texts outlining the itinerary and delegated games and decor to us. Mildred had told Edna she needed to be open to suggestions. Early on, I made 1 suggestion that Edna shut down. I asked if we could ask the other girls; when they declined, I dropped it. I sensed Edna was annoyed, so I stepped back in the group chat to avoid tension and let her lead.
Edna then announced we’d all be doing breakfast and splitting the cost with the guys, noting it would be $$ because they "eat enough." I opted out and said I’d buy my own breakfast, citing my diet to keep the peace. This was accepted.
I bought a few custom items (sashes, banner, cups, temp tattoos) and shared them with the group. Edna and Ethel were upset I bought things without checking first. Instead of coming to me, they went to Mildred and said I wasn’t pulling my weight, was unresponsive, protested breakfast, and crossed a line.
Mildred relayed this and said she needed “3 grown women to figure it out” without involving her. I then sent a group message to Edna and Ethel apologizing for ordering items without asking, agreeing not to do it again, and asking that we leave Mildred out of it. Edna replied saying she was the lead and didn’t need to run things by us, while we needed to run things by her. Ethel agreed.
After, Mildred stopped speaking to me for 3 weeks. During that time, she sent a group msg saying everyone would pay for breakfast or stay home. I felt singled out and privately told her it hurt, but that I was moving on. She didn’t respond.
We eventually met. I apologized for breakfast, being less responsive, and buying items without approval. She said she understood both sides and that she’d stopped speaking to me because Edna had stopped speaking to her. I offered to apologize again to clear the air.
I spoke with Ethel, went fine. With Mildred’s approval, I texted Edna apologizing and asking to move on. Edna accepted. Later, Edna told Mildred my apology wasn’t good enough and said she’d stop speaking to Mildred. Mildred then told me I needed to apologize properly and take responsibility for the stress I caused.
When I questioned this, Mildred said I was entirely at fault, that her fiancé was furious with me, and that I’m the reason my relationships fail. Despite this, I sent another apology to Edna with no response. Mildred said she loved me and we’d talk, but the next day said she was done discussing it.
I told her that without a conversation, given the personal things she said, I didn’t feel comfortable attending the trip. She said she doesn’t respond to ultimatums. I withdrew from the trip. AITA?
ESH. I’m sensing missing, missing reasons but even so, there’s enough drama here to stock a middle school lunchroom.
Why are you this woman’s MOH? She doesn’t even seem to like you. What are you waiting for? Tell her you’re bowing out of being in the wedding and try to find friends who do like you.
I dont think YTA. your friends and this whole experience sounds exhausting and far too school girl for your 30s. I’d be extracting myself from that group real quick.
I am definitely biased because this happened to a good friend of mine, but it sounds like a case of the bridesmaids are friends with the bride but not with each other, turn on one of the bridesmaids, misrepresent the victim to the bride as the problem; already stressed by planning the wedding, the bride sides with the friend(s) that appear to cause less stress and thus her friendship with the targeted bridesmaid falls apart.
NTA but if you are unable to get through bride to realize you are not the problem, then your friendship is unlikely to survive this.
NTA. this sounds exhausting. they’re “furious” with you over buying decorations and not wanting to pay for breakfast you can’t eat?
ESH. Sounds like you’re all a bunch of teenagers.
Intrusive thought: good choice of older lady names.
NTA at all. Mildred basically outsourced her backbone to Edna and then punished you every time Edna threw a tantrum.
You apologized like three separate times, bought stuff with your own money, and still got treated like the problem while Edna ran the show with zero accountability.
Back out of the trip, do the MOH duties you’re comfortable with, and then seriously reevaluate this friendship after the wedding because this is some Grade A scapegoat behavior.
Honestly, it’s so much drama, and not really your fault. The problem is you stoked the fire by not following the delegates games and decor and buying extra things that weren’t asked for or budgeted but at the same time refusing to be a part of the general meals allowance. If you’d sent through dietary restrictions to be included that would have been less of an issue, they would have just catered for you. There’s always going to be a gluten free and a separate dairy free in the group, that’s just life haha.
Unfortunately you overstepped, and for whatever reason they reacted extra badly. This is the result.
If the friendship means something to you, go be a part of it all. If you’re happy to cut ties then do that. It’s your call n
So first of all stop apologising. This is not how weddings or friends work. Buying extra things that you think will enhance the night. It’s not a crime in fact that they’ve taken it so seriously actually is a red flag. I’ll be worried about what happens at the wedding and what you’re gonna be blamed for if they’re losing their shit over you buying extra bits and pieces at this point.
Do yourself a favour and protect your peace.
NTA
All these people involved come across as very petty.
Here come the grannies!!!!
But seriously, you’re the MOH, sounds like they’re jealous of your role. I had a slightly similar experience with my best friend’s bachelorette when I was the MOH (best friends since we were 8). The girl isn’t even friends with my best friend anymore so ya know… people suck.
Hmm have you considered maybe not having friends? Doesn’t seem worth all of this to pay a bunch of money and you aren’t even having a good time. This sounds so exhausting even just to read. I am going to say ESH because what did I just read?
Dump these losers out of your life
ESH (this feels very high school) but if anyone is an ASShole I guess it’s Edna? Mildred was right early on about not getting involved but then got involved.