I (27F) have been training in Muay Thai kickboxing for close to 7 years now. I started training for amateur fights a couple years ago. Most of the time, I train in moderation and don’t restrict what I eat in any way. But for the 2 months leading up to a fight, I get very strict about my nutrition and fitness. I cut out alcohol and caffeine, and just generally stick to nutrient dense foods. I’m okay with doing this because I don’t plan to do that many fights in my lifetime–I never plan to go pro, and I just wanted to do a few amateur fights to challenge myself.
The problem recently has been that a newer woman in my friend group, A, started commenting on my eating habits. She’s dating someone in the friend group and has only started hanging out with us the last month or so. I have a fight coming up in a couple weeks, so this last month has been "strict mode." The new girl A quickly noticed my food/drink choices and started calling me out for it, criticizing me for promoting "diet vulture culture." I explained to A about my upcoming fight the first time she said something, but she didn’t let it go. Every time we’ve all hung out as a group in the last month, A has pointed out what I’m eating or not eating with comments like, "What, you really can’t have ONE donut? Wow, diet culture really brainwashed you," or, "Girl, you’re ordering a salad at an Italian restaurant? You should talk to a therapist." At first I tried to patiently explain my reasons for being so strict–it’s just for 8 weeks, it’s for my athletic performance, etc.–but eventually I gave up and chose to just ignore her comments.
Last weekend, we had a get-together and I turned down a slice of pie someone baked, saying, "Smells delicious but I can’t have the extra calories right now. Save me a piece for after the fight!" A overheard this and broke down crying. She left the room and her boyfriend followed. Later that night her boyfriend pulled me aside and told me that I’d really triggered A with my talk of calorie counting, because she has a history with EDs. I told him I was sorry to hear that, but I’ve also always made it clear that my choices are just about the sport I do. I’ve never used any language surrounding body image or size, and I’ve never even said that I’m trying to lose weight–when A brought it up, I just said I was trying to maintain at my weight class. I told him gently but firmly that if this alone was enough to trigger his girlfriend, that’s between her and her doctors/therapist to work through. The boyfriend said I was a jerk for being so insensitive, and he and A left the party shortly after that. Most of my friends don’t think I did anything wrong, but a couple of them think I could’ve avoided mentioning the idea of "calorie counting" altogether. A and her boyfriend haven’t shown up to the last couple group hangouts. So now I’m wondering, am I the asshole for being strict about my nutrition in a public setting?
NTA. You’re allowed to have friends and a social life, even while on a cut. A is an interloper to your group trying to centre her preferences and force all of you to accommodate her. If your friends really have your back, they need to tell her BF to get her to back off because she is making their friend uncomfortable, especially when there is a clear reason for why you’re doing what you do. Her ignorance and desire to protect herself in a new setting is unreasonable. If she is so easily triggered, she should limit her contact, but it’s not her place to force you to change your behaviour for something innocuous.
NTA. Im sorry she has an ED, but she should mind her own business. She is projecting on to you, and frankly, it doesn’t sound like she knows you well enough to even question you about your eating habits.
She’s clearly still got severe issues around food and her disordered eating.
Firstly, who accepts calorie counting advice from someone who failed to properly control their eating? Secondly, we would never label an alcoholic ‘recovered’ if they broke down in tears at the sight of someone having a drink.
Some people with EDs have just blamed fully the concept of counting calories, rather than accepting the problem was something greater inside themselves. Calorie counting is perfectly reasonable, as long as you have reasonable goal and is very normal for sports or gym training.
NTA. It’s a her problem, not a you problem. Good luck on your fight!
NTA- someone else’s triggers aren’t your responsibility. Furthermore, as someone who has had an ED, you’d think A would understand how unhelpful comments like “one donut won’t hurt you” can be. You do you, she sounds like an attention seeker.
Thanks! And yeah, the “just have one donut” comment did bother me at the time, cause in some ways she’s kinda right–technically, I could’ve had the “one donut,” I just chose not to cause I have my priorities and I don’t even have much of a sweet tooth. A lot of my friends had a similar attitude initially — like, “can’t you just have one drink with us?” Or, “one bite of dessert won’t kill your progress!” But they backed off once they understood how important this is to me.
It sounds like you’re almost in the down low about this, generally keeping your business to yourself. The only way you’d be TA is if you were constantly evangelizing low calories and announcing it to everyone all the time. She seems to be quite nervy, always calling out what you’re eating and making rude comments about you.
Thanks for your take! Yeah, I don’t bring up any of this myself, but I do explain my reasoning if someone asks. For example, once a friend asked why I didn’t get a mocktail at the bar with them, and I said that the mocktails on the menu still had a lot of sugar, so it would defeat the purpose of not drinking. But for the most part now no one questions my choices — everyone else in my friend group is an adult about it!
NTA. Lady sounds like she’s “fun”…
In any case… Good luck in the fight!!!
NTA
This is normal behavior for a lot athletes.
The new girl is insecure about her own food choices and her own body which is further challenged by her history with EDs. She’s calling out your food choices because they make her feel a certain way about her own. She needs to be working with a therapist about her own relationship with food and her body rather than trying to control the actions of someone else.
I’m going to be TA here and say maybe A should train with OP to toughen up some.
NTA. Her triggers are her problems. You weren’t making fun of her or even addressing her.
NTA – you are not dieting for weight loss. You are watching what you eat to gain/maintain athletic performance. That is a very different scenario. You made that clear to A but she wouldn’t let it go. That’s not on you.
Are you kidding me? This is why I don’t do friends groups because someone always has to bring their bf/gf who is an asshole and then throws fits over someone they barely know. Obviously NTA.
>I told him gently but firmly that if this alone was enough to trigger his girlfriend, that’s between her and her doctors/therapist to work through.
Yes.