My younger brother (16) and I (25) work together at a shop. My younger brother’s bully from school also works here. They have had issues since the third or fourth grade. These issues, on numerous occasions have involved our mom and the bully’s mom.
I am a PIC (person in charge) and I handle scheduling. I always make sure they both get hours and never work together. The bully is also unaware that I am his brother as I dont want anyone to feel that im favoring anyone or anything.
Today, my mom said she had something for me and that she was going to bring it into the shop today. I asked her not to because i am working with the bully today and do not want any drama or for him to know that i am related to my brother (the kid he bullies). My moms reaction to me saying this consisted of her saying that “she is disgusted with me and that i am not loyal to my family and she does not want to talk to me because she’ll say things she’ll regret.”
Personally i do not feel that i am in the wrong here. Its not like i allow either party to complain or talk crap about the other when at work. I do not want the bully to accuse me of favoring my brother or anything and i dont want my family (particularly my mom) coming in and instigating anything.
I just feel i have to remain impartial in this whole thing as a PIC. AITAH for asking my mom not to come in to avoid any drama?
The details you shared about the situation here make perfect sense and naively it seems like if you were to share them with your mom she would understand and not want to make things any harder for your younger brother. But then the details you shared about your mom’s reaction to your request seem totally disconnected from the situation you described. You say you told her it was because of the other person being there but then her comments you shared are just… not responsive at all.
I won’t disagree with the decisions you’ve made. I don’t see anything wrong with what you’ve written here. But I also know that AITA tends to be highly biased in favor of the OP who tends to be an unreliable narrator, and when portions of the story don’t seem to make sense that can often mean the OP is leaving something out that often doesn’t reflect well on the OP.
In any case, talk with your mother. Maybe she wasn’t listening and that’s why she was nonresponsive to the specifics of the situation. Sit down with her and take the time to talk it out in full so she understands why you made the decision you did and that it had nothing to do with “loyalty” or worries you might have had about what she might have said. If she still refuses to listen or understand after you take your time to make your best effort, then that points to deeper problems with your mother and takes away your best option for an easy resolution.
Tentative NTA
Definitely NTA. Your approach is the right one. Your mother seems hellbent on making things worse.
At some point her precious younger child is going to have to stand on his own two feet and aged 16 is none too young to start.
You are allowing that because at some point your brother’s bully and your brother will have to work together. If your mother has had her say before that point it’ll be hell for your brother because his bully will know that he still can’t stand up for himself because mommy had to save him.
If, when they work together you see bullying behaviour you can deal with it in a professional manner rather than a big brother manner.
INFO: has this guy bullied your brother during working hours or at your place of work? This just seems like a pretty messy situation.
Not during work hours, no. I do the scheduling so i make sure theyre on different shifts. The bullying happened outside of work at school for years
I’m just surprised, that OP as someone in charge, is employing someone who is a known bully.
I don’t think it’s OP’s company, they’re just a manager there, so they might not have had say in Bully being hired
They already said that when they make the schedule, they never work them at the same time.
I don’t know if I would say your being an asshole, but does it really make a difference if he knows that your his brother, what would that even change
I feel like it would change the aspect of being impartial. He could say that i am in some way favoring my brother over him and it effects work or something which could be a whole mess. The only thing i do is keep them separate
I would not be politie and nice, working with someone who bullies anyone. Let alone my brother.
NAH for your question, but I don’t get how you can be just relaxed and normal to your brothers bully
I just talk to him as minimally as possible. Mainly only when instructing him to do something
NTA. Your mother is either insane or simply misunderstands your point of view. Talk to her with the goal of understanding