I forty-four male have a wife , forty-two female, who complains about not knowing about things that are going on with me in my life. Without getting too long-winded, one of the examples is when I would switch jobs. I’m in trucking, and sometimes, in trucking people who are in this industry ,will switch jobs, whether it’s to go from local , long distance , etc, or for more money.When there’s an opportunity to make more money, we tend to move if we see that the money is beneficial. That was an argument in pass, and now, in present, I’m back to let me move because I’ve reached the limit at this specific company in pay. they’re not going to pay me anymore.That’s just what they’re going to pay all their drivers. So here I go, thinking after 12 years removed from that pass argument, that the reception would be different. So here I go , hey , wife , i’m thinking about changing and doing a different trucking job that’s actually local. Right now, I’m regional, so I’m gone 2, maybe 3 days out of the week , then Im back home. I don’t know what type of response at this point I was looking to receive, but it wasn’t the response that I got.
A good 7 years ago, I started telling her things at the last minute to where she had no option but to go with what was going on. Whether it was going somewhere Responding to an invite Travel vacation plans. You know, things that have nature.I would never give her a chance to respond positively or negatively.In fear of the just overt negative response. It’s like nothing is ever good. I do feel like her job has been and is still affecting her overall thinking. Everything is negative before it’s positive, and I don’t know why it’s like that, but I think it’s because she works for the D.A.
YTA you tell your wife last minute about changing jobs? Seriously? It’s that hard for you to have a conversation with your wife? You’ve nearly given any reason why you shouldn’t talk to her about it.
Why are you married to a person you don’t like or want to talk to?
Uhhh, major YTA. Just not telling your wife things, especially major things about your career, or only telling her last minute is weird as hell. Without knowing what her response was, you just come off bad here.
YTAH – you are not telling her things because you know she will have a problem. That makes you the AH
YTA. You wait until the last minute to force her hand because you know she’s not going to like what you have to say if you give her enough time to respond? That is some manipulative shit. Grow tf up.
Damn, do you even care about her? Yta
You are worried your wife will have a negative response or will disagree with you.
I’m not going to bring the dynamic of AH into it because this is a serious marriage issue.
It isn’t good if you stop communicating because you are scared.
Without communication a marriage dies.
But, it also isn’t good if your wife is under work stress and is only giving you negative feedback.
Have you guys ever considered getting practical help with learning to communicate better? My parents took a small communication counselling course when they were in their 50’s and it didn’t eliminate fights but it did help a lot.
It is a life change for HER too, just “oh, you know, we’re changing locations or doing things different and the routine will absolutely be upside down from now on”. How she has stayed married to you still, I don’t know.
YTA, a raging one
Massive YTA
Marriage is a partnership but you sure aren’t treating it like one. I’m amazed she is putting up with it for this long – that woman has the patience of Job.
When it comes to major life decisions, you two need to discuss them AT LENGTH and figure out what you’re going to do moving forward.
YTA you’re supposed to be in a partnership but you act like you’re the only one who matters. waiting to tell her until the last minute is insanely manipulative and it seems like you don’t want her to have any say on how her life goes. you simply expect her to follow you whenever you change your mind, not even giving her a chance to have a say. you don’t even seem to want her to be comfortable in life.
Past. The word you are thinking of is past.
7 years in the past, you stopped telling your wife information so that she would have no say. Since then, seven years have passed, during which you’ve been TA.
YTA
So you haven’t told us what response you actually got?
And it sounds like based on what you have told us from the past, that you are controlling, which is why you don’t tell her things until the last minute. Your relationship with your wife, the person you should care for most, is terrible, and some of that has got be down to your lack of communication with her. It sounds like you treat her with no respect and as if her opinions mean nothing in your relationship.
Did you ever ask her WHY she responds negatively to the decisions you make about work/changing jobs?
And in regard to all the other things you tell her at the last minute, it’s really unacceptable. Travel? Invites? Really???
You two need to learn how to communicate. If you can’t, or won’t try to find out her perspective on things, how can Redditors possibly help you?
So you stopped discussing with your wife decisions that impact and affect her and her life, and not giving her a choice? And you want to know if you are the asshole because you want to make a career move without discussing it with her? My man, you are gonna be one of those guys who was like, “The divorce came out of nowhere.” Anyway. You are definitely the asshole.