I (22F) and my (22F) friend were out shopping last week. I usually don’t like shopping much, because I rarely find anything my size. Due to my height and body shape, finding clothes is really difficult. I’m short and thin but curvy if that makes any sense. It’s not that I never find anything my size, it’s just that on the off chance that I do, it’s not really my style. So whenever my friend and I go out shopping, I kind of just tag along wherever she wants to go. Mostly because I don’t really expect to find anything.
The other week, however, we came across a new store that had just opened (I’m not going to name said store for privacy purposes). The window to it clearly showed sizes that were for smaller and thinner people, so I thought I’d give it a go. But my friend said it’d be a waste of time because they didn’t seem to carry her size. I thought she was being kind of unreasonable so I asked if she could just come with me just really quickly. But she said that she didn’t like the idea that I was “purposely” going into a store that “fat shamed” people. Mind you, this store isn’t a chain or anything. I’ve never even heard of it before and it’s just named something French. So I was surprised when she brought up fat shaming. But when I told her it had nothing to do with it and that I just wanted to find stuff for myself, she made a really big deal out of it and told me I was being selfish for not considering her feelings. I told her she could either come with me and help me out, or wait outside. She just asked me if I was serious, so I went inside anyway.
When I came outside she was just gone. She’d seriously ditched me and I tried texting and calling but she hasn’t been answering.
Note: We’ve been friends for about 6 years and I used to be midsize around the time we met when we were both 15 or so, but I picked up diet and exercise before college and did get quite fitter and thinner. I’ve also never told her off about her weight or shamed her in any way. Plus, it’s not as though she is fat or anything. She’s midsized to large sized.
I don’t really see her point of view, when I’ve gone to a lot of stores for her sake without buying anything for myself. But I guess I could’ve gone about it differently somehow? I don’t know, but AITA?
**Edit:** I read some of the comments (will reply soon) but here’s more context:
Like I mentioned before, we’ve been friends for about 6 years and I’d really hate to lose a friend to something like this. Also, I saw some YTA in relation to my proportions and yes, I guess I will just say it. I do have a large chest and big hips but I’m thin. Because of this, jeans that are bigger than 2 don’t fit my waist and shirts that are not small will go over my chest and fall directly down if that makes any sense. I see this style around, but I personally do not prefer this. I’d rather have my clothes not be so loose.
I was able to find jeans that I got tailored shorter and lots of tops and skirts that fit me perfectly, so I am happy about that. I am just really upset that my friend still has not responded to me. I tried on different social media too. I hope it’s not a lost cause.
NTA
Exactly what you said at the end…you go into stores that don’t carry your size, why can’t she go into stores for you to shop? If she ‘feels’ fat shamed, that is not on YOU. She needs to get over it.
But also…I’ve never ever ever seen a store that only carries XS/S clothes and not M/L clothes.
Like, ever.
The only store I can think of is brandy Melville that carries mostly one size and everything is pretty small
As a size large yes there are stores that don’t stock above medium, and there are petite stores where even the large is not really a large. Often they are designer stores. Sometimes they will tell you they stock larger size on the website, but even then they only go up to like 10 or 12. There are stores I don’t shop in for this reason. At size 16, you aren’t going in forever 21 or express, let alone some of the fancier stores. When someone tells you “there aren’t clothes for me here” believe them.
I am old enough to remember 5-7-9, too. There’s a scene in Mean Girls about it.
Your friend fat shamed herself. I hope you found something!
NTA. You went into her size stores, she can go into your size stores.
NTA. She’s basically saying you’re fat shaming her by being petite. One size does not fit all. She’s putting words into your mouth because she is insecure. Should you wear oversized, baggy clothes to make her feel better?
NTA she needs to be told that her insecurities have no impact on your requirement for clothing that fits.
NTA. How many shops have you gone into with her that “body shamed” slim, short people by having nothing in your size? She likes having a shopping sidekick. She’s not a friend to you, she just wants you to be a friend to her.
Just flip it on her. Tell her a lot of the stores are skinny shaming you then because they don’t carry your size. That she’s being selfish for dragging you to stores that don’t have anything for you and not considering your feelings. NTA.
Jealous. I’m a plus size girl who shops with “normal” size friends all the time. When in those shops my thoughts range from Ooh, this would look cute on you and this is a cute fabric, to taking a picture and searching for it in my size or a pattern to make it in my size. I never shame myself or my friend.
“I feel fat shamed.” No, honey, you’re just ashamed that you’re fat, don’t get it confused.
Damn I really thought that title was going to be a joke about a Medium/Large Mother in Law
Nta
As someone who has been fat her whole life, nta
Shopping woth other people means going into stores that the other person might find something they want even if it doesnt cater to you.
When I was bigger and wore plus sized clothes, my very skinny friend would go to the plus sized stores with me and I would go to the stores that didnt carry my size for her. Thats how friendship works
And just like that
You have been set free from future drama with her