Basically I (M25) started this job in August last year. There are 5 of us on my small team. Everyone else has been here at least 2 years. Our holidays work from January-December.
None of the 5 of us are allowed to book holidays at the same time, which is fine because we’ve always been willing to compromise/swap in the past.
As soon as we got our allowance, I booked my birthday off in July, just because I’ve never worked my birthday. I might be doing something, who knows.
My colleague (Jill), came up to me 2 days ago and asked me whether I would mind letting her have that day off instead and I said "But it’s my birthday on that day" and then she explained to me how her husband passed away 16 years ago on that day and that she hadn’t worked the anniversary of his death since as she was always too upset on that day and I replied without really stopping to consider it. "I’m sorry thats my birthday, I never work my birthday"
And then she started getting upset saying "what do you expect me to do, I’m broken on that day.
I’m not confrontational at all, so I was trying to just end the convo and said "you could always pull a sickie."
This angered her even more and she just stormed off.
My other colleagues asked me what my plans were for my Birthday and I said nothing yet because it’s in 7 months, I haven’t planned it yet. This has made them go against me aswell. As they suppose I can make my birthday plans around my birthday and not on my birthday.
Even my manager pulled me for a chat, moreso for the suggestion to "pull a sickie" than booking a holiday.
I feel like everyone at work thinks I’m TA but I feel like they’re blowing out of proportion because of Jill’s reaction and also the fact that she’s about 35 years older than me. And she’s the longest tenured member of staff, while I’m the new guy. I understand, that I could’ve been more sympathetic in the moment but I didn’t know what to say.
So AITA?
Maybe if everyone thinks you are the asshole, you should do some self reflection.
YTA.
99.9% of people work their birthdays every year. Stop being entitled.
I hope you never have to go through the grief of losing your spouse like your colleague so never have to feel what it’s like on the anniversary of their death.
YTA
YTA, it’s one thing if you had a trip or something big planned but you don’t, for all you know you might just stay home and do nothing. So the why cant you do nothing on the day before or after?
And honestly this seems very shortsighted. You need to ask yourself is this worth it? Poisoning yourself against all your coworkers and boss.
Though honestly idk why youre asking, it’s already too late. Even if you give it to her peoples opinions won’t change.
YTA. Of course you’re the AH. What are you…six years old? It’s your birthday, not a national holiday. Take off the day before or the day after. It’s not hard to be kind.
There is a significant difference in being “technically wrong” and being an AH. This sub sometimes gets the two confused, I’m pleased to see in the comments we know the difference this time. You are 110% the AH. YTA. YTA. YTA.
yeah HE’S the asshole, not the leaders of the company that are so addicted to profit they cant let two people take the day off at once.
NTA. Your place of business is. You have a team of 5 and only 1 of you can take off any given day. If they have 6-7 months notice, they should be able to function with 3 people for a day. Yes your desire to have off your birthday and being stubborn about it probably isn’t socially appropriate, but the fact that your business has that rule makes them the a holes.
ESH Your boss should be sorting it out, there’s literally no reason he can’t give her that day off as well as you. And instead of deal with it himself he’s just said yeah go and ask x yourself if they can swap. And knowing the emotions involved that was piss poor of him to pass the buck to you on it. But I mean you literally have nothing planned so what harm would it have done to say sure I can do that? pretty childish to just have a motto of “I don’t work on my birthday”
YTA and now your manager and colleagues know you are a selfish baby, too.
YTA – I mean, if you can’t understand why you’re the AH, I’m pretty sure my comment won’t mean anything to you. But you come across as heartless, shortsided, and all around unlikable in this post. Good luck continuing to work there; I have a feeling your coworkers will all turn on you.
With the world we live in being so hard as it is- and people are so mean to one another. There is no empathy. There is little generosity of spirit. People are on this earth for themselves and everyone else can go pound sand. You are that person. I’m not going to say YTA but you can put the pieces together.
I truly hope you are never in life in need of a favor, a little empathy or some kindness.
These types of questions are so common on this sub. To (sort of) quote the Big Lebowski, you’re not (technically) wrong, Donnie, you’re just an asshole.
YTA.
If your intent is to foster positive relationships with your team, create a professional image of yourself at work, and to appear mature in front of your colleagues and boss you have missed the mark big time on all 3.
Don’t expect anyone to help you in the future or go out of their way for you at all. Be prepared to be passed over for advancement, and to have poor relationships not only with this woman but everyone you work with going forward.
You’re 25, no one cares about your birthday and they were 100% asking about your bday plans because they heard what you said wanted to know if you really did refuse to let the widow off 7 months in advance with no concrete plan or real reason not to aside from You’re the Birthday Boy. Lame. You torpedoed any respect your boss had for you with the sickie comment. Grow up.
YTA. Happy Birthday in advance though.
You’re the AH and if you’re going to be an AH at least be smart about it. When she asks you to swap your leave days, you say “Oh shoot I’d already booked some travel plans for my birthday but let me have a look and see what I can do.”
Then you go to your boss and say, “Hey, I’ve had a look and I can change my travel bookings to accommodate her request but it will cost me some change fees. Could you throw me a couple extra vacation days to make up for it?” It’s a small business, the boss would be very likely to just do a couple days off the books to keep the peace in a small team.
Then you work your birthday like a big boy (come on buddy no adult needs their birthday off), get extra vacation days, your colleague gets a day to grieve in peace and your small team doesn’t hate you.