Edit2: (Edit 1 at the bottom): Thanks all! Seems to be a unanimous NTA.
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As of writing this, I’m planning on going… but…
WIBTA for traveling out of the country with my family while my fiancé stays home and works since it will mean that we are separated for Valentines day?
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Context:
My family is planning an international trip that happened to land so the travel home day is Valentines day (the arrival is close to midnight).
My fiancé *is* invited on the trip and I already bought her plane ticket.
Since getting the ticket she decided that she does not want to go because valentines day is a busy day at work for her and she feels like it’d be irresponsible to not be there. (not to mention the ticket is the non-refundable tier and was close to $1000)
She also feels like it’s rude of me to go on the trip and just be out of the country with my family and away from her during valentines day.
She said I talked her into going when she didn’t want to be away from work and now she has to do whats right for her and that I don’t take into consideration her preferences when it comes to dates.
I didn’t plan the dates – they are based around an event for my sibling and then refined by the rest of my family. There *is* a wedding for one of her friends the day before we leave that I specifically adjusted our arrival date to account for (I/we would be arriving 3 days after my family).
I/we can’t leave a day early because the plans for the trip are that we will be a 3 hour drive from the airport with a single rental car until the day before we are all flying back – getting back to the airport a day earlier than everyone else would be logistically too complicated (and shorten the trip further).
I feel guilty for leaving but my parents are aging and probably don’t have too many years of travel left in them and so I’m trying to cherish these trips while I can. But I also feel guilty for leaving my fiancé alone while we travel (because she would much rather go on the trip but feels compelled to work… so she’s effectively annoyed at the constraint she put on herself)
Semi-related but my parents are also uncomfortable making that 3 hour drive without me going – and have been planning everything as if I was going. So me not going would also grenade the current plans/airbnb reservations, etc.
Also if I don’t go, I will spend the majority of Valentines day at home, by myself, waiting for her to get back from work (get there around 9:30am, probably won’t get home until 7 or 7:30pm) and she will probably be worn out and may or may not be cranky.
She is a morning person and tends to crash at like 10:30pm at the latest.
So ultimately it would be me missing the whole trip to spend a short window of time together – likely just hanging out on the couch – on Valentines day when I will be back that night anyway and we both already have the next two days off work for us to spend a "weekend" together.
WIBTA for going on the trip anyway?
Edit: FWIW, she runs the business and doesn’t have confidence in the employees to not mess something up while she’s gone… all else the same, she would rather go… but since she feels like she *can’t* so she’s choosing not to.
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Valentine’s Day isn’t a real holiday, you guys should show appreciation and love for each other every day. That being said, she’s the one that chose not to go on the trip after it was all paid for. That’s her choice, she can’t make your choice for you
Your finance is so Ew. She wants to be there for work but doesn’t want you to go be with your family ? So what you wait at home until she gets off work? Why are you marrying an entitled brat.
NTA but it seems like there might need to be a deeper convo to be had with your fiancé about this… however, from the outside looking in this looks like a problem she caused for herself by not wanting to miss out on work but still committing to it.
>My family is planning an international trip that happened to land so the travel home day is Valentines day (the arrival is close to midnight).
>My fiancé is invited on the trip and I already bought her plane ticket.
>Since getting the ticket she decided that she does not want to go because valentines day is a busy day at work for her and she feels like it’d be irresponsible to not be there. (not to mention the ticket is the non-refundable tier and was close to $1000)
>She also feels like it’s rude of me to go on the trip and just be out of the country with my family and away from her during valentines day.
You could have stopped here. She initially agreed on the trip, backed out because she had to work, and now wants you to back out to spend time with her on a day *she plans to work?* And you’re out $1000 because of it? Absolutely NTA.
You should go on the trip. Your partner is a huge asshole though!
NTA – Unless we’re missing something, she’s already said that she’ll be spending Valentine’s Day working. So she expects you to spend most of the day by yourself anyway. What’s the point in doing that over an international holiday? If she doesn’t want to travel overseas, that’s her call, but to demand that you miss out to do a whole lot of nothing makes her an asshole.
YWNBTA. Fiancée? You might want to rethink that. This situation is only stressful because she insists of making it so. It makes about as much sense as it would for you to insist that she skip work so she could be with you on Valentine’s Day. “She said I talked her into going when she didn’t want to be away from work and now she has to do whats right for her and that I don’t take into consideration her preferences when it comes to dates.” She has to do what’s right for her—and expects you to do what’s riight for her too? She agrees to go on a trip with you, and then backs out, and covers for herslef by blaming you? [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO)
NTA
She had a ticket to go and chose not to, and she wants you to miss it because of her choices. I can’t feel sympathetic for her when she could be with you and chose not to, AFTER money was already spent for her to go.
She wants you to be out almost $2k in non-refundable tickets to stay home with her. When she had a ticket. Because she felt too guilty to miss work. That’s incredibly financially irresponsible of her to want you to waste that much for one weekend as opposed to a whole trip together.
she’s choosing not to go…its not on you at all 🤷♀️
NTA. Your fiancée is though. She was/is invited. Her choosing to decide not to go is completely her decision. Which results in the consequences of being apart from you on Valentines Day. No, do not cancel your trip. Go, enjoy, and do not feel guilty. You are not responsible for her feelings or decisions. Order a delivery meal for her and chocolates or something for her to come that day if you want. And when you get back, if she won’t let it go, she’s not the person for you. She’s an adult, making adult decisions, and must accept the responsibility herself.
NTA and get your money back from her, your fiancé sounds insufferable. What’re you expected to do all day, stare at the wall until she comes home and hope she’s even in the mood to do anything?
NTA
But your finance is
NTA she agreed to it and tickets were already purchased. Her changing her mind is her problem and also rude after you spent 1k on tickets. She should have thought this through better. She’s only not with you on valentines day because she is choosing not to be.