Sorry this is long, but there’s a lot of context.
I (22F) and my brother (19M) rent a house from our uncle. It’s just the two of us on the lease. Our uncle does NOT live with us.
The same day we signed the lease, our uncle told us that another woman would be living with us “to keep an eye on us.” This was not discussed beforehand. She moved some stuff in but never actually slept there. Eventually, her daughter started living there instead, without my uncle knowing. As far as he knows, the original woman lived there the whole time.
While the daughter lived there, she constantly ate the food my brother and I bought with our own money and my EBT. She never bought groceries and kept eating our food even after we told her not to. Sometimes the mother would come over and eat our food too.
A few weeks later, my uncle told me he was kicking the woman out because she couldn’t pay rent. After that, I told him the truth about how her daughter had been living there instead. I didn’t say anything until I knew they were already getting kicked out.
When we moved in, my uncle said we were NOT allowed to have friends over, no boyfriends or girlfriends. I admit I broke that rule and had my boyfriend over sometimes. The woman living there knew and didn’t care at all, she actually liked him. My brother also had his girlfriend over.
After the woman and her daughter were kicked out, they told my uncle that I had my boyfriend over. They did NOT mention my brother having his girlfriend over. Now my uncle is kicking me out too, but not my brother.
I know I technically broke a rule, but it feels unfair that only I’m being punished, especially since we’re both adults paying rent. My uncle’s reasoning is that he doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, which is his religious belief, not mine.
I don’t really have anywhere else to go except renting a room or moving in with my boyfriend, but we’ve only been dating 10 months and I don’t feel ready for that. My brother is basically my only close family member and friend, and it hurts that I’m being forced out while he gets to stay.
I feel sad, betrayed, and confused. I know I messed up, but this whole situation feels unreasonable and targeted.
So… AITA for thinking this is unfair and overreacting?
EDIT: I live in California, San Bernardino County, and yes, it does say in the lease, absolutely no one is allowed over, and our mother and other brother have to leave by 9pm. As far as my brother who I live with… idk I would never snitch on him or anything, I’d rather just keep things to myself rather than risk him getting kicked out. I think he feels overwhelmed by this and probably doesn’t really know what to do, as to why he hasn’t done or said anything to my uncle regarding all of this.
I have also been looking up tenant rights in my area and it says "California tenants have a right to **quiet enjoyment** of the rental. That includes having **reasonable guests**, including romantic partners."
NTA. Also you’ll have to check the laws in your state but do you have a lease
yes i do, its my first time renting so i dont really know what to do
If its not written into the lease he cant do it. And there may be some laws that apply to essentially protect you since this is you ‘home’ and its reasonable to have visitors.
Finish out the lease. He has no legal standing to kick you out. You pay rent. You have rights.
Your uncle will probably throw a fit about it but again, he has no legal standing to kick you out. Also, he’s creepy to care this much about what a female young-adult relative does in her personal life.
Move out when your lease is finished. Don’t do anything blatantly disrespectful. Just tell him you pay your rent and have tenancy rights and if he doesn’t like it he can try to legally evict you and see what the courts decide.
In the mean time, if you have any family that would bat for you if your uncle starts talking crap, let them know what’s going on before you even speak to him. You will probably have a few people saying you’re disrespecting your elders and try to shame you for premarital sex, but I’m hoping you have some more sane family members that will call out how wrong it is to try and illegally kick you out and control your personal life. If he lived at the place with you, he would have more of a say as to what’s allowed. But he doesn’t.
NTA
Trchnically you broke rules, but going beyind that.. the level of contril and having family force their personal values on you is too extreme and unreasonable.
You and your brother are close. You both lived there and both broke the rules together. Why not suggest he moves out too and you both search together? Morally, i couldnt imagine watching my sister get kicked out and i sit quietly, savdd by thr fact a vengeful ex-roomie chose to spill the beans on my sibling but not me.
You and your brother should both look for somewhere. If money is tight, even go so far as to consider 2-4 people sharing, bringing on the boyfriend and girlfriend too if possible.
The uncle has shown he values his personal beliefs 1st, money 2nd, and family… who knows how far down that list. You’re both adults and he doesn’t even show you that basic respect.
Why didn’t you just say they were lying? They already lied about the living situation…
NTA.
1)You’re a grown ass adult.
2)He doesn’t have the right to force his beliefs on anyone.
3)Your personal life is none of his business.
4)You’re literally PAYING him. As long as you didn’t damage the property or do something actually bad I don’t see him legally being able to kick you out.
What state are you in? Google landlord and tenant rights in your state. You have a written lease, and your landlord doesn’t live with you, so legally he can’t kick you out without notice.
NTA. You are 22 years old and paying rent. He is your landlord, not your warden. He has no right to ban visitors or force a surprise roommate on you “to watch you.” That is actually illegal in most places.
It feels unfair because it IS unfair. He is treating you like a child instead of a paying tenant. Honestly, getting kicked out might be a blessing in disguise because he sounds like a nightmare to rent from.
As others have said, he probably can’t legally kick you out.
NTA
NTA but you absolutely need to look up the tenant laws where you live. If your lease says you and your brother rent the entire house, he can’t just move someone else in. If your lease doesn’t prohibit overnight guests, he can’t do that either.
Why you need to look up your rights – your uncle may not be allowed to prohibit overnight guests, he may not be allowed to make rules based on his religious beliefs. And, anything he puts in the lease that’s against the law is generally unenforceable. A lease is a contract, your uncle can’t just change the terms unilaterally after the lease is signed, so you should also be aware of the proper process to amend a lease.
If you have a lease, he also may not be able to kick you out without going through the eviction process. I’d confirm what your rights are before you leave, you should look to see whether there are any tenant advocacy groups in your area, or if you’re in school whether they offer any services for off-campus students. Places like that tend to offer free guidance and resources. (Edit to clarify – if you find he has grounds to evict you, leave. Evictions are a terrible thing to have on record and will make it harder to find a place to live.)
Good luck! I’ve dealt with shady landlords around your age, and I’ve also rented from family. It’s never easy, but you’ll learn a LOT that will protect you in the future.
INFO: does the lease include the no partner stipulation?
Did you have a written lease? Your uncle broke the lease as well by allowing someone else to live there with you all without giving you notice after you moved in. So in this case, he has no legal grounds to kick you out. As long as your boyfriend is living under the roof, he has no say in who can come over. That is illegal. Now sleeping over, that he would have to have photo proof of. As long as your rent is paid on time, then I would say, he cant tell you that your boyfriend cant come over for a visit. By law, your uncle can’t control who comes over to your place as long as you pay rent.
NTA.
He violated his own lease.
You should see if you can get him to buy you both out the lease to move.