I hear it, I really do, but AITA for being kinda resentful about it? My best friend and I have been friends for years now, and know a lot about each other, such as our favorites in all categories. For cars, she’s always dreamed of a RAV4 and mine was always a Bronco. Unfortunately she got into an accident a couple days ago, thankfully she’s alright, but should be receiving a check for her totaled car. Her parents offered her the newer RAV4 as they are able to purchase it for her, but she deviated from it to the Bronco. I don’t come from any money and am so far into debt as a student and adult that it’s only ever been a dream for me, but a plan for her. When she told me, my heart dropped, knowing I’d see this car I’ve always wanted, but knew I’d never get. I told her she’s more than free to do what she’d pleases, but jokingly said over all the love, I’d hold 1% jealousy/resentment when she asked. Is it wrong that it makes me feel really sad that her family has been financially fortunate enough to purchase the car I’ve always wanted for her, even if she’s only ever wanted a RAV4?
I think it’s natural to feel a bit jealous when you see others get something you really want, but you’d be TA big time if you constantly bring it up. Instead, be happy for her and don’t let this hurt your friendship. It’s not worth it, and not fair to her.
#***YTA***
Your feelings are valid as a normal human being who has emotions. BUT you better not hold it against her openly, it’s not her fault she could afford/get it.
YTA
It’s fine, just don’t express it. I had a “bestie” in later high school who resented me as a singular child with wealthy parents. She was one of 4 with struggling parents. My parents bought her formal shoes and always tried to help out. But she resented me because Dad gave me a job for the first year out of high school and a demo model car. I used both as opportunities to work my way into a career of choice (teaching), and save a house deposit. She always made sideways comments until I told her that my parents have worked hard and set themselves up so as parents, that’s what you do if you’re in a position to. I’d gone from being in a private school where peers with lives like mine were not unusual, to being in a regional state school where most people were less well off. By the same token, I wasn’t going to not rise and take the opportunities available to me in order to make my best life.
I was always thankful for how my parents helped me out and I’ve always worked very hard to build my life so I’m in the same position for my son when the time comes. I never begrudge anyone for not having the same opportunities and I wouldn’t say I feel superior to people because of my luck. Just be happy for her. If she’s a good friend, it’s worth it to keep her around!
I’d be annoyed too, but not at her fortune. I’d be wicked annoyed she chose my dream car *knowing* it was my dream car. It would irk me, especially when she had all the options in the world but specifically chose something I’ve been admiring.
The feeling is not irrational imho so I’d say NTA.
Though.. If we both had always wanted a Bronco and she had the chance to get it and got it I wouldn’t be upset. So it’s not just that “she has what I want” for me but the circumstances that’d piss me off.
Although, it sounds like you’re more jelly of her privilege than the circumstances. Still NTA and in either case you gotta do some self reflection and come to terms with it
You feel the way you do, but maybe a more constructive way to deal with this would be to focus on how you can improve your future. If you are accumulating student debt, then presumably you will eventually be out of school and have a job that pays decently. Do some research on how to cut living costs. Dave Ramsey is a radio personality who gives advice on how to live cheaply and get out of debt. People have done this. Work at improving your earning potential, and paying off your debt so that at some point in the future you can have a nicer car.
NAH. you aren’t an asshole for *feeling* it, you would only be the asshole if you made her feel bad about it.
honestly, it’s totally normal to feel a sting when someone gets handed your dream on a silver platter while you’re drowning in debt. it’s not even really about the car, it’s about the financial freedom she has that you don’t. just vent to someone else about it and try to be happy for her, but don’t beat yourself up for being human.
You can’t control your initial emotional reaction, only how you act on it. You were honest with her in a lighthearted way while still being supportive of her choice. It’s completely natural to feel a sting when someone easily gets what you’ve spent years dreaming about from afar. As long as you don’t make her feel guilty for her family’s help, you’re doing fine 🙂
YTA. Are you 10? She can get whatever car she wants. Being in an accident can seriously mess you up even if you’re not hurt, so getting a different kind of car after an accident is understandable
Your not an AH for feeling the way you feel, but you will be if you bring it up. It’s not your friend’s fault they got the car you want.
YTA.
If it was me, I would think, wow that’s awesome and ask to go for a ride.
Can’t even finish this it’s so gross lol