Hi! This is my first time here 🙂
Okay, I want to tell this story briefly, but without leaving out any information. I met my ex-boyfriend when I was only 10 years old, it was online in a game; he was 13 at the time. When we met and became friends, we pretended to be siblings. Once he disappeared from the game, and I developed a strong emotional dependence on him. When he came back, we moved to various chat apps: Amino, anonymous chats, until we got to Discord and then WhatsApp. I lied about my age and appearance to him until the Amino era, when I revealed my true age. I was about 12, and even then he didn’t care. Even before I revealed my true age, he asked me for adult photos; I searched for them online and sent them, but after I admitted my age and appearance, he asked for real photos of me, and I sent them because I wanted to keep him with me. I disappeared from his life many times before we started dating (when I was 13 or 14). I didn’t want to date him; I only accepted it out of pity and because I was dependent on him. I lived my life in this long-distance relationship for a long time. It hurt me because there were situations where I had to ASK him to compliment my normal photos more, because it seemed like he valued the more suggestive ones more… Despite all that, he was a great boyfriend. I believe he truly loved me! He bought me gifts when he got his first job, gave me attention 24/7, entertained me, and everything else. The only bad things were the suggestive photos I sent him since I was 12 and the fact that he controlled my appearance. I removed piercings because he didn’t like them, etc. Now, let’s get to the point: I CHEATED on him, and it wasn’t the "first" time. Why the quotation marks? Why, when I was younger, did I allow kisses to be stolen from me? I would run to tell him, feeling very guilty for not knowing how to stand up for myself, and he always forgave me. Once, when I thought we were going to break up because of my discovery (I’m a trans person, and he didn’t react well), I made out (kissed) with a boy I wasn’t interested in, which wasn’t planned. I felt super strange and let my impulsiveness take over, and again I ran to tell him, and he forgave me once more. Last year, I cheated in the worst possible way, I had REAL sex with a boy (who is now the devil of my life), and this boy said he could give me everything that my virtual boyfriend couldn’t give me: attention, real affection… I don’t even know why I believed him. And again, but with a delay. I told him, and it was a HORRIBLE situation. Obviously, this time there would be no forgiveness. I felt awful for letting my impulsiveness, immaturity, and desire for affection take over, especially when my ex said he could visit me in a few months. After we broke up and cut off contact, I suffer a lot for what I did to him, but I feel free for having escaped that prison. Am I the asshole?
Notes: I don’t know if it matters, but I’m autistic and have ADHD xd