So last night my fiancé tells me out of the blue that her two girl friends (they are a couple) are going to be staying with us all weekend and that they’d be here in an hour.
Just a little background, we have 2 kids, and no spare bedroom. Our house is only 1200sqft and every time they stay with us they sleep on an air mattress that takes up the entire living room. They’re loud, and up till 3a.m or later every night drinking when they’re here.
Both children and my fiancé had school the next day (today), and I didn’t want them to come and disrupt the rhythm of everything on a school night. Well, just as I suspected, it threw our kids for a loop, and neither of them slept well. Given, they weren’t up till all hours of the night last night, but their presence alone was enough to mess things up.
I suggested they get a hotel room because first off, they make way more money than us, and they can definitely afford it. Secondly, I dont like people in my space for extended periods of time. When they sleep in my living room, I feel like I’m walking into their bedroom when I leave my room, and it feels like I’m intruding in my own house. I mean, is this not weird? Do other people do this? Just takeover their friends living room with their bags, mattress, random belongings? Now, they’re all at school, Im at work, and the friends are at my house hanging out all day, and will be doing the same all weekend. I dont even feel comfortable going home for lunch like I always do.
I expressed all of this to my fiancé, and now we’re fighting. Am I the asshole for thinking this is weird/ overstepping?
NTA.
She didn’t consult with you about your comfort level with hosting (in a house that belongs to you too), and gave you essentially no warning about their arrival. That’s inconsiderate, at best, especially when they’re staying multiple days in a row.
Additionally, she doesn’t seem to have considered the logistics of hosting. You have no spare room, young children, and all have plans/required places to be the following morning that their presence will affect.
I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have expected her to discuss this with you first.
ETA: fixed a sentence
NTA, your partner only told you an hour before the guests arrived? That is insane. They can afford a hotel, so why are they bumming it like it’s college days at your house and disrupting your routine!
NTA
It’s not weird, many people do it…but the point is, your fiancee is disrespecting your shared space. It’s not HER home alone to invite people to. You do things as a couple, she shoudln’t just pop this on you without checking to make sure it’s ok.
And it doesn’t sound like it’s OK at all.
If she wants to visit all weekend, she should stay with them in a hotel, have a great girls weekend, but leave you in peace.
NTA. For so many reasons. For one, your wife should have asked, not told. There should have been a discussion up front. And it’s not like you kicked them out–you just talked to your wife about it.
1 hour notice is an ah move! You do realize, she did this on purpose? NTA
NTA. Don’t marry the fiance. She’s selfish and dim.
NTA. First of all, your fiancé should have asked you about this BEFORE they agreed for the friends to stay there. Second, you do not have a guest room or a way to host without disrupting your whole life. Three, you tried it for a night and already had problems since the kids didn’t sleep well.
Your request is reasonable and your fiancé is primary person who is in the wrong here. The friends are also not considerate. I can’t imagine continuing to stay somewhere after the host has already suggested they don’t want you there anymore. However, the main problem here is your soon to be spouse – they should respect you a lot more than this.
NTA. Especially not the asshole if they can afford a hotel. Major, huge horrid assholes if they can afford a hotel.
Only time you fiance wouldn’t be an asshole in this situation is for an emergency situation, this ain’t that.
NTA. My petty ass would have been up at 6am turning on lights and making coffee, just like I always do. Walking through and feeding the kids breakfast, doing all the normal things that happen in my house.
“*Oh, I’m disrupting your sleep, so sorry about that. We have to do these things in the morning. Yeah, the kids are pretty loud, it’s because they didn’t get enough sleep last night. It was pretty loud, pretty late. You could always stay at a hotel if that would be easier for you.*”
NTA: I don’t like staying at other people’s houses if I can help it for that reason.. (I can’t always afford it, but sometimes privacy comes at a price.)
Man-up and kick them out!
NTA.
Your fiancee is AH for not asking you before having guests stay over. It should be a mutual decision. If this is going to be a regular thing, you need to establish guidelines, including per-stay and annual maximums for overnight guests for each of you.
Her “friends” are overstepping and frankly AH for apparently giving such short notice. I’m sure your wife told them they are “welcome any time”, which they are fully taking advantage of.
I know it feels awkward, but it is your living room. So don’t feel bad about being out there. Feel free to make as much noise as you want in the morning especially. Because the less comfortable you make it, the sooner they will decide that maybe a hotel room would be better.
NTA
Your fiance should not be making unilateral decisions when it comes to guest staying the night. Sounds like you have no room for guests anyway.