So my sister (H) is getting married in Italy this summer. H and her fiancé are covering 3 nights at the venue for all guests (stay, food, wedding), but everyone is paying for their own flights, which are $600+. I think there’s about 150 people going.
At the end of last year, her MOH started planning her bachelorette and H picked a destination in the southeastern US in mid-March, during spring break. Flights were $500+ for a 3hr flight, the hotel alone was $250+ per person, and MOH also expected us to help pay for H’s portion w/out asking. Including food & drinks, the weekend would’ve been over 1k. Bc of work, Christina (younger sister) and I couldn’t do Thursday–Sunday, so we’d basically be spending all that money for like a 24 hr trip. We could def not afford it. I felt awful bc I wanted H to have what she wanted for the trip. I called her & asked if the location was important bc C and I couldn’t afford it. She told me she mostly just wanted her people there, didn’t even want a big bachelorette since the wedding is already in Italy, & said MOH had really pushed for a bach. After that, we changed location to a drivable town in New England. It was cheaper, rlly cute, and we had fun stuff/games planned. MOH booked Airbnb this was the plan for over a month. Then last week, Hannah’s fiancé texted C and I asking if we’d reconsider the original location bc the new one was “less than ideal” and he “wanted to make sure H was being put first.” We were baffled bc nothing about our finances magically changed. C called H to clear things up instead of everyone assuming what she wanted most. H said she actually rlly wants the first location now and feels sad bc she thinks we aren’t prioritizing her. She also said they’re paying for everyone’s stay in Italy bc they want people to be able to come. This is the opposite of what she told me over a month ago and C and I thought what she said was hurtful. An international wedding is their choice, and covering stay helps more ppl able to attend, which is great but it feels unfair to use that against us? I also now have $3,000 in medical bills, so I can’t just suddenly afford a $1,000 bachelorette trip. Our mom even offered to help pay, but she really can’t afford it and would only be doing it to keep the peace. I think it’s unfair to expect people to go into debt for this and it really hurt to be told we aren’t “putting her first” when we’ve genuinely tried. If Hannah wants a destination bachelorette, she should do it! We’ll be happy for her, but she also has to be okay with not everyone being able to go. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. I love everyone involved, but i think the wedding worm has gotten to their brains. AITA?
NTA. You clearly do care about being there for your sister, but not everyone has the funds. You tried to meet them halfway. Don’t beat yourself up over the situation.
NTA – I didn’t have to read past the MOH expecting everyone to help pay but didn’t ask if it was Feesable for everyone to do so… Sorry while yes the wedding about the Bride and Groom… The Bride can’t expect everyone to be able to spend that much money…
NTA. No one should go into debt for someone else’s wedding (or even for their own wedding for that matter).
I’ll save my rant aboit how insane wedding culture and huge, expensive trips for bachelor/bachelorette parties are just ridiculous, but in the end-you can’t afford it. Be clear with her-if she wants the original plan, you and your other sister can’t make it and hope she has fun,
NTA, she needs to accept that not everyone has 1k just lying around. She can still have this bachelorette party but needs to accept that not everyone can afford to go and that is nothing against her.
NTA – just reiterate that you would love to come but your finances have only gotten worse and you are unable to go. To have 2 destination events for her wedding seems sort of selfish.
If she does not understand, that is on her, not you. Putting her first should not require you, your sister or mom to go broke for a party weekend.
Nta. There’s a difference between wanting to be put first and reality. The options that H has chosen are not financially realistic for you, your mother, or C, and probably others. She can make the choice to go into debt for her wedding, but expecting that of everyone else is cruel.
NTA. If you can’t afford it, then no. You shouldn’t go and she should expect it either. Even if they were also paying for the flights to Italy, which they aren’t.
I find this trend of going away and spending thousands of dollars on a weekend to be absolutely selfish on her part. She’s already asking a lot for the wedding.
Be clear with her that you hope she has a great time, but you haven’t found $1000 down the back of the sofa since she asked last time and if you did, you would put it towards your medical bills like a responsible adult instead of a drunken weekend.
Don’t allow her expectations to force you into debt.
NTA – if not everybody involved is super rich, the bride will have to live with the fact that some people can’t afford the trip. Or, for that matter, don’t want to, because even if the money is there, people may have other priorities in life than one very expensive weekend. Like, say, bills to pay, families to feed… A bachelorette is a nice extra if one can afford it, but otherwise VERY low priority compared to the basic necessities of adult life. Asking people to go into debt (!) for someone else’s entertainment is entirely unreasonable.
I would politely decline all of this. If they can afford 150 people in Italy for three days, they can pay for their bach trip.
>he “wanted to make sure H was being put first.
Flat no. NTA.
NTA. So are they rich or just hoping everyone will think they are?
I would go to a local bachelorette that started and ended the same day. I think that expectations have gotten ridiculous!
NTA!! Ask them where the hell they think you have $1k. I stayed home with all my bridesmaids and we played dirty Santa with stuffed animals and apples to applies. My husband made French bread pizza.
NTA. It’s really unfair to ask friends and family to pay large amounts of money and give up numerous days of leave for your life events. Your sister should have come to you instead of venting to her fiancé, who felt he needed to say something.
I know I’m old and old fashioned, but when I was young and my friends and I were getting married, we had a shower. While bachelorette trips sound nice, they sound expensive and time-consuming.
It’s an invitation, not a summons. Don’t go. You can’t afford it, simple as that, especially since there may be hidden fees like the expectation that somehow somebody has to pay H’s way to her own party. Don’t let her fantasies override your reality. Send a nice card and stay home.