personally i don’t like telling people about my issues or opening up about things but i need to put this on here and here your thoughts about it. my cousin arana is found of borrowing my clothes, i don’t consider that as a problem because most times she return them and sometimes she decides to hold unto them if she really likes them. i have tons of clothes and she is family so what does it matter. Her best friend had a party recently(which i wasn’t invited by the way haha) so she called and asked if she could come and borrow one of my dress, i think they had a color code for the party, red for girls. she said she had already worn her own red dress on numerous occasions and she wanted something different. i said fine come and see if you can find what you like at my place. she came on the day of the supposed party and went through my closest. Before she came, i had selected a few clothes of mine that my boyfriend had just bought for me and hid them in a box because i had not worn them. i knew if she took them i probably might not see them again. So when she came i was taking my bath. Apparently she didn’t fancy the red dress she found in the closet so she went through by box and picked one of the new ones. she had already packed and wanted to leave even before i had finished taking my bath. out of curiosity i decided to come out even though i had not finished taking my bath because i know the type of cousin i have lol. i asked her to show me the dress she had picked and she did. i snatched it back and explained to her that i have not worn this dress and it was a gift ahead of valentine. she said i was lying and it was that particular gown she wanted. i said No, you can pick another one, but she refused. She said i did not want her to shine bright today for her best friend and that i was only triggered because i was not invited. i am not even friends with the celebrant so why would i be angry about not getting an invite? she said i have always been an unreasonable person and its not like she was going to eat the dress, Arana went on a rant for minutes cursing me and telling me to change my ways and i should stop being bitter and jealous. she is actually older than me so i respect her alot but at this point i have had enough and i told her she was stupid and an asshole, i asked her to leave and to get the fuck out of my house and return all my dresses in her possession. i think she was shocked i spoke to her in that manner. That was the first time i cursed her. she left and hours later the friend called me and was sounding provoked, saying i made her best friend miss her party because of a dress and Arana told her i disgraced and embarrassed her because of a simple dress. At this point i actually felt bad because, apparently she did not go for the party and she said it was my fault. please tell me if i am actually the asshole because now i feel bad about the whole incident.
NTA
i don’t quite understand why you lend her anything if she does not return stuff to you. Most people call that stealing.
Please grow a backbone, learn to say no. Your family might not like it but they will respect you more for it.
NTA she is a thief and she tries to blame you for her own decisions. Never lend her a thing ever again!
NTA
It’s your clothes. If you set it aside and she had to actively hunt it out, that should be a sign in the first place that it wasn’t for wearing. And then if you said no to that particular outfit, since it wasn’t hers, she should have borrowed something else. Just because you have allowed her to borrow other clothes does not mean she’s entitled to everything.
She had clothes to wear, she could have even chose to borrow different clothes from you, but instead threw a temper tantrum and pushed you until you snapped, then made you feel guilty for doing so. Then she chose not to go cause she didn’t like her clothes and was mad at you, again, all her choices, and then had her friend call you and make you feel bad… for her decisions. If this were a boyfriend, I’d be telling you to dump his abusive butt.
You are not responsible for her assaholic decisions, and you are okay to say no about your possessions, especially when her idea of borrowing is to hang onto them.
NTA, your dress, your choice on whether or not you lend it out. I personally wouldn’t have either, considering it hadn’t even been worn yet.
NTA You have been more than generous. Does she realize that by being greedy you might stop lending her anything?
1. PARAGRAPHS ARE A THING!
2. How old are you all?
3. you need to start just telling her NO! She can get her own clothes.
4. In the End – NTA you choose what clothes people can borrow but you are being an AH to yourself for constantly letting yourself get into this position.
You are absolutely not the ah!!! She is.. when borrowing becomes stealing, game is OVER! I found my favorite blouse missing and asked my former friend if she had it! We had been looking at my clothes… she said yes and a pair of matching earrings too.. I told her to bring them back to me so I wouldn’t have to call police and report robbery… she came right back with them and I eliminated her from my friend list! What’s wrong with people!!?
Nta
Tell your cousin the closest is closed.
NTA. And after her disrespectful and unnecessary outburst, tell her that the clothes closet is now CLOSED, now and forever more. Do NOT loan her any more clothing. She obviously doesn’t appreciate what you have done for her. Let her go and mooch off someone else.
NTA She chose to dig through the box. She chose to try and conceal what she was taking. She chose to curse at you and call you names. She chose not to wear the dress she already had. She chose not to go to the party. Those were all her choices.
And then she chose to run her mouth to her friends about you.
Your cousin is immature. She needs to be more respectful of you and your things. Stand your ground. Continue to stand up for yourself.
NTA, the best advice I have is not to lend nor borrow items.
NTA, she can cry about it.
NTA. Your cousin is using, and often keeping, YOUR clothes. Not trading her clothes for yours, or paying you for what she uses/takes, but TAKING them. Basically a thief..
And she and her friends are trying to guilt you into keeping on letting her steal!!! Stop letting her into your room at all. Get a good lock!
I just read a similar post the other day. A sister wanted to borrow a blue dress and ended up not going when her sister said no to a blue dress she just bought.