Hey guys, I (33m) am a manger of a cafe and about 2 years ago we hired a high school student named Grace (16f at the time). Now Grace relied on her mother to take her to and from work, however over the last 18months or so her mother has become very flaky with picking her up from work, often texting her an hour before she’s meant to finish with some lame excuse as to why she can’t pick her up from work and that she’ll have to get someone from work to drop her home. The excuses are never reasonable like “I have to work late” as her mother is actually unemployed and takes advantage of government unemployment benefits, so her excuses are actually like “I’m going to the movies so can’t pick you up”.
Now whenever she asked for a lift home, either one of my other colleagues or myself would begrudgingly take her home as she was technically a child at the time and we morally couldn’t leave her “stranded”. I always told myself however that once she turns 18 (legally an adult in my country) that I would stop taking her home as she is now old enough to fend for herself.
Grace is now 18 as of last month and the day finally came that she asked me for a lift home (her mom’s excuse this time was “I’m going out for dinner with friends tonight, so I can’t pick you up as I have to get ready for that”. I stood my ground and said no I can’t take you home, now keep in mind that she has multiple options for getting home, she can catch a bus (there is a bus stop right outside our work and one around the corner from her house, with the busses coming every half an hour), she can take a ride share like uber, or worst case she can walk (her house is literally only 15-20mins walk away from work) and it’s not like we are finishing at 2am, we literally finish at 3.30pm and her walk home we be in broad daylight in a upper middle class area with no real danger. Even worse she is old enough to get her driving licence and even owns a car, but when asked why she doesn’t go for her license she says “I don’t need it”.
Grace seemed upset when I told her I wouldn’t drop her home, but I think it was a good life lesson for herself and a parenting lesson for her mom. When I got home from work I felt a little bad about the situation and asked my room mate if I had done the right thing, and he said I was an asshole and should have just taken her home instead of being stubborn and it’s “not my place to be giving life or parenting lessons out”.
So TL/DR: AITA for forcing an 18 year old to step out of their comfort zone and get themselves home, or should I just continue being Grace’s free lift home every shift?
15-20 minute walk cinches it, I mean, come on. NTA
At 330 pm.
NTA. First life lesson she gets to learn with jobs. No job includes rides to/from. If she couldn’t figure out a way to get to/from on her own, she shouldn’t have accepted the position. Not your concern, nor should you open yourself up to the risks that come from being alone with her dropping her off on a daily basis.
NTA. She should’ve just walked from the start if it was that close.
She can’t handle a 15-20 minute walk? How spoiled is she? NTA.
For 2 years, you have given her a ride home. Now because she’s 18 you decide to do a 180 overnight? You should have had a conversation with her both as the real adult and her manager that she would need to find reliable transportation moving forward.
You are right I could have spoken to her about it, and I will on her next shift. Thank you
yeah thats my one thing. it didnt sound like she knew about the deadline.
Nah. You’re her employer, not her parent, taxi service or therapist. She can start figuring out stuff for herself
I mean, no, nobody was ever obligated to take her home. But if your only reason was “she turned 18 and I’ve decided to teach her a lesson”, then yeah, you’re coming at it from an assholish angle. So like, technically NAH—this kid whose mom keeps abandoning her is not an asshole for that—but your compassion could use some work. Why didn’t anyone think to show her how to use the bus during the literal *years* you guys were resentfully driving her home?
By the way, unemployment benefits are money your employer pays to the government on your behalf and are based on time that you work and on your former salary. You can’t “take advantage” of them, you are literally entitled to them if you lose your job for a reason the government decides is good enough. Also, they cut you off after you run out of the money you already paid in. Let’s not with that icky rhetoric.
The problem was you did this for you 2 years when you never should have. At 16 she could easily have gotten herself home. And if you feel wrong leaving her “stranded” at 17 years and 364 days then 18 years isn’t different. But if you were determined to stop at 18 you should have told her that ahead of time. It is kind of an AH move to let her come to rely on this for 2 years and then stop with no warning.
YTA
>I always told myself however that once she turns 18 (legally an adult in my country) that I would stop taking her home as she is now old enough to fend for herself.
You should have told **her**.
I think a 33 year old man driving an 18 year old girl home has risk written all over it. Even more so when she was underage. I think it’s reasonable for her to manage her own transportation.
Well, this is….confounding. If she’s lived 15 to 20 minutes walk from work and gets off at such an early hour, why did she ever need rides at all? I could understand extreme weather (for example, 100 degrees plus, or heavy rain, or some such), but I’d think by and large, she could have been walking most of this time. Or at least get a cheap bike to ride back and forth.
However, how you handled it is a bit jerkish. You should have told her that while you’re willing to give her rides as a minor, once she turns 18, you expect her to have a solution. You did have two years to remind her of that, so she wouldn’t be taken off-guard by not having a ride one day.