I (F29) was planning to go to a concert the week before and my grandma’s first death anniversary, which also falls on my birthday. However I wasn’t able to secure a ticket for that week but managed to get a good one for next week. I would have to fly at 11pm of that day to arrive morning of the concert day. My sisters are giving side comments about not being able to have dinner together but I told them we could have early dinner or brunch instead. Or if they really want to have dinner, it’s okay if I miss it.
Originally, I did not want to celebrate my birthday because of the anniversary. But my grandma wouldn’t like me or us being sad. My grandma’s grave is back on my home country so we won’t be able to visit her.
For the concert, I truly love this group. Their music helped me get through some of my darkest moments in life. They are making a comeback and I have waited for this for 2 years. There are other concert stops but this is the only state I can attend, as it’s the least expensive and close to Hawaii.
Would I be the asshole for proceeding with the flight/concert or am I just overthinking this?
So if I got this correctly, your grandmother died on your birthday. That’s very unlucky. And you want to do something life affirming on your birthday and enjoy a concert by a band that helped you process your grandma’s death? Your sisters want you to be sad and grieve. Have I got this correct?
YWNBTA if you choose not to spend your birthday grieving with your sisters.
It is generally normal to think that grandparents will pass before children, so it would be abnormal to spend the rest of your life indebted or beholden to the dead when the living are right here.
I don’t know if this is a cultural thing, but please feel free to go ahead and enjoy your life while you can, OP. That’s what its for.
She would want you to make the day a happy memory for a sad day I for one think it’s a great idea just cos it’s the anniversary doesn’t mean you have to be sad all day
NTA. Life goes on. I’m sure your grandma would rather you life your life to the full. Go enjoy the concert. Your grandma would be happy knowing you are having a good time.
NTA .
And as a grandma, I insist you go and do something life affirming for you. Your sisters will cope.
NTA
Commemorate death by living.
Go to the concert. Have a great birthday. Your grandma wouldn’t want you to sulk just because it’s the anniversary of her death. No you’re not the asshole in this case.
NTA. Your grandma would want you yo live your life and do things that make you happy.
Remind them that it’s also your birthday and that it’s not like you’re not remembering her. This year is the 20th anniversary of my grandma’s death. My cousin’s son was born 20 years ago and my cousin was on a trip when our grandma died a few months later. He was sad, but my aunt told him our grandma would want him to stay on the trip. My husband’s grandmother almost died on our wedding day, but again, his family told us to go on with the ceremony (and she lived another year). Life goes on.
NTA, go to the show, have fun, and don’t feel guilty. Your grandma wouldn’t want you to miss out on life to continue to mourn hers.
NTA
It’s sad that your grandma died on your birthday. That doesn’t mean you have to stop celebrating your birthday, and it shouldn’t mean your family start treating your grandma’s death as more meaningful than your life.
Enjoy your concert. I wouldn’t argue with your sisters: just keep saying you would like to meet up with them earlier in the day, lunch or brunch, whichever suits them better.
Of course NTA
It’s not feasible to mark every date. Better (imo) to do something on their birthday.
Why not do brunch instead on the day of that works or if it doesn’t send regrets you cannot attend and say you’ll bd thinking of everyone.
You remember grandma when you can and keep her memory close as that’s a better tribute than marking the date she left you all.
Depending on your culture there might be a socially imposed mourning period and death anniversaries are taken more seriously in some cultures. That being said you’re unable to go pay respects and offering to have a commemorating lunch is more than enough to commemorate grandma’s life. Your sisters are jealous and mean spirited expecting you to now sacrifice all future birthdays. Go, have fun, I’m sure grandma would’ve liked to join. NTA