I (f23) rent a place together with my mother. Around one night a week she has my sister’s daughter (f6) round for a sleepover, normally on a Friday or Saturday to give my sister a break.
I work full-time. My only day off is a Monday. After work I always go straight to the gym. I finish work at 9pm and I’m normally home from the gym around 10.30ish depending on traffic.
My mother has asked me to skip the gym on Fridays and Saturdays because when I come home late, her dog barks (he always barks when someone comes through the door) and this wakes up my niece. If I notice my niece has been awoken I always tell her it’s just me so she doesn’t get frightened and she goes back to sleep.
I told my mother I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask me not to go to the gym just because she might have my niece round for a sleepover. I said to her being woken up by a dog barking on a non-school night every so often isn’t a huge deal and that she’s being unreasonable. Plus it’s not my fault that the dog barks and he’s not even my dog, he’s hers. I don’t want to give up some of my gym sessions because I’m training for an event that’s occurring this year.
My mother said I’m being unreasonable and unaccomodating and that I’m being selfish and uncaring.
AITA for refusing to compromise?
Edit because multiple people are asking: I can’t go to the gym before work. My gym opens at 9am and I start work at 10am. We live near a big city so traffic is often crazy in the mornings with commuters.
NTA. You pay rent, it isn’t your dog barking, and you’re home at 10:30pm which really isn’t that late. Plus you said your niece goes back to sleep if she’s disturbed.
Sounds like his mom is waking up and it bothers her, not his niece.
NTA
your mum knows what time you come home why cant she as the dog owner control her dog so it doesn’t bark.
NTA. Mom needs to train her dog.
Nta. She needs to train her dog.
She’s basically giving you a curfew for the weekend. What if you wanted to go out with a friend after work? That would be forbidden too. NTA.
NTA you finish work at 9pm. I fail to see how coming straight home after work would help much anyway. Most 6yo children are already asleep by 9-9:30pm.
Oh this is a very good point and quite relevant to the discussion.
Nta. If your niece is 6, she’s probably going to bed before 9 anyway, so not going to the gym would just mean her being woken up by the dog barking after 30 minutes instead.
Eta: also, kids’ sleep is more easily disturbed when they have only just fallen asleep, so actually coming in earlier but still after her bedtime could be more disruptive. Adding a fan or or a sound machine may help her sleep through other noises.
Ultimately though, the best solution would be training the dog better.
I get that the gym thing is what is bothering you but the gym isn’t your mom’s issue. She’s asking you not to come late on Fridays or Saturdays. So… what is late? Is she telling you not to have a social life on the weekends? “You MUST be home by 8 pm” like you are a 15 year old? That’s unreasonable. What if you wanted to go anywhere other than the gym like a party or a dinner or a dance club or a board game night? NTA. It’s completely unreasonable to essentially give a curfew to a 23 year old (who pays rent) bc your own dog barks.
Does she really just want you to be home to help take care of your niece when SHE has agreed to babysit?
Exactly, it sounds to me like the mom is creating a problem to force her to go straight home so she can’t have a social life
NTA, the dog’s barking is the problem, not you going to the gym late. If the dog truly is untrainable, then the easy solution would be for your mum and her dog going to sister’s home to babysit.
NTA. If the kid falls asleep again no problem it’s not a problem. She will also get used to it.
I would say to stop the dog bark, but normally it might be a good thing for the dog to bark when someone comes.
Idea: When you come home. Text your mother and have her bring out the dog, and you then take it for a walk. Happy dog, happy mom, and you have just done a workout, and a bit of air might be nice.