So hello!
This isn’t like a crazy situation or anything grave I’m just genuinely wondering if I don’t have enough emotional intelligence in this case or what.
I’m 23M, my sister is 33 (different dads, one loving mom). We come from a little family, that had a couple of really hard years, struggles with money and health and all that. We didn’t travel much before I was in high school. Our lives got back on track however, and especially since my sister started working as a pharmacist, although we’re still having troubles here and there, we have much calmer days!
Once my sister started making money, she made sure to start travelling around the world, and i mean a lot. She’s on a plane every other month and visiting different places with friends. She also makes sure to take me vacationing to a different country every year also, that serves as my summer vacation between school/college years and pays for EVERYTHING (excluding things like, me paying for disneyland bc of her birthday but the trip is all her.)
I’m still a student, and don’t make money. I have a respectable amount saved from graduations and such though, and I’m not a big spender, so i’m more than fine. Though i brought up the idea of starting to work a part time job already, even before im done with my studies, my mom and sister advised against it, saying i should enjoy my college years while they last.
So, I made a plan to visit Leeds, Manchester and Liverpool alone (4-5 day trip). Not for any specific reason, I just wanna go to Liverpool and sit in a bar and watch a match with the people there, walk around the cities and explore, sit around in a park and just take it in. I don’t like my home country, I’ve been wanting to move away for a long long time, and I’d like to just… i don’t know, exist on my own in a different place.
I always wanted to go to England. And I chose not to even think about London, because my sister said we’d go together at some point (she’s been to London before). So I chose Liverpool and co. because it’s a much more personal wish of mine.
This would be my first time travelling without her, doing it all on my own, and I think it’s been a long time coming to do things for myself rather than being taken care of.
However, my sister doesn’t like the idea and is not happy about the fact that I’m not inviting her on the journey. Personally, I think making a trip as a unit totally changes your plans. And I’ve realized we have very different views on what we like to do on a city break, but I don’t ever make a fuss about it because I’m grateful to even be there. This time, I wanna be alone, I want to explore and just figure things out on my own. I wanna go to a random cinema and maybe spend half a day there? Maybe meet a lovely scouse lad? Who knows! These are things I couldn’t really do with my sister around. (Most of these things have been communicated, but I feel I’m still seen as ungrateful)
So, am i the asshole?
Thanks in advance!
This is a difficult situation imo.
You aren’t wrong for wanting to solo travel – it is definitely liberating not having to think about another person when making travel plans. Coordinating and figuring out where to go and what to eat get complicated when in a group.
However, you did bring up that you have a sister who brings you at least once a year on trips, and she pays for everything!
So I think she feels hurt that you didn’t even think of asking her when the opportunity to travel rises to see if she can come with. I remember having that happen with my own brother when I went to Japan twice and both times without him. To appease him, I ended up taking another trip there with him in tow.
It may not fully fix anything, but I would suggest offering a separate trip with her to another destination together but with you coordinating stuff (ask if she would like to plan with you but with a budget you are comfortable with). I would also talk about how this trip is a solo trip for you because you wanted to see how it’s like to travel on your own.