So for context, my mom and brother (26) live together in an apartment and I found out that my mom has bedbugs. It’s a small one bedroom apartment, and along with bedbugs, their apartment also has daddy long legs and tiny roaches. I give birth in a few months and so I texted my brother if when he comes to visit us in the hospital, if he could shower when he gets to the hospital and my husband and I can have a change of clothes ready for him to change into. I just wanted to take all the precautions necessary because this is a newborn baby my newborn baby and I don’t want to deal with a bedbug infestation on top of being a first time mom with a newborn. He decided to tell me “f\*\*\* you, f\*\*\* you, loose my number, f\*\*\*\*\* cu\*\*” etc. he said “you know I shower before I leave the apartment” and yes I believe him, but if my mom has bedbugs in their small apartment I can’t take the chance that he may as well or his clothes. I blocked his number and I’m only assuming he blocked mine too because he always blocks my number , but I genuinely need to know, AITA for asking him to do that? I feel like I set a boundary, and he just completely obliterated it and was incredibly disrespectful. Opinions?
NTA.
You set a very reasonable boundary to protect your newborn’s health and your home. Asking someone to shower and change clothes because of a known bedbug infestation is not an insult, it’s legit basic precaution. His response was wildly inappropriate and completely out of line.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You communicated calmly, offered a solution, and prioritized your baby. If he can’t respect that boundary, he doesn’t get access. Period. Protecting your child should always come first.
NTA. Basic higiene is OK to enforce
You aren’t due for a few months. Could they not have their apartment treated for pests to resolve this issue before the baby is born?
NTA. You even offered to have clothes ready for him when he arrives there!
My brother in law was living with us when I gave birth. When we brought baby home, I could hear him go to the bathroom and not wash his hands after. You best believe I made a big stink out of it and demanded him to wash his hands every time he went potty and every time he wanted to help with the baby.
You’re a new mom and setting boundaries is a necessity to protect your little one. People won’t like it, too bad so sad.
Your approach was appropriate. As someone who works in mental health and addiction, we intake people who can be in shelters, un-housed, or in difficult circumstances. Bedbugs are a real risk. We have a very comprehensive system that all intakes need to go through (100%) to ensure that bedbugs are not brought into our facility. One of those things is a shower, and a fresh change of clothing from us, while we ensure all of their belongings are safe. You are NTA. I understand your brother may feel sensitive, however, you have an obligation to take care of your child, and nothing you said was insulting or inappropriate.
NTA. Given the circumstances of how easily bed bugs can spread and travel. And you’d have an immunocompromised baby that he would be expecting to hold. It would even be acceptable (in my book), that he not even visit, or even touch anyone in your household outside of a hand shake.
You are well within reason with this request. You need to protect your child. Recently saw a clip of a cast being cut off and there was a big roach inside it.
Be so fucking for real. Do you really think you might be wrong here? When a man called you a fucking cunt because you didn’t want your newborn to deal with bedbugs??
NTA, of course.
Just the way he reacted made me feel like maybe I was out of line
Generally, the man who calls his sister a fucking cunt for anything short of actual abuse is probably out of line.
NTA, bedbug infestation is horrorshow that will legit give you PTSD and cause you to be hyper-vigilant for the rest of your life. I would be super wary and not keen on anyone with BB coming into my house.
NTA. I would not allow visits at all. Having bed bugs and a baby? Horrible situation.
Sounds like this is a problem that has solved itself.
“Hi, please dont bring contaminants and bugs into a room where both my child and I are at high risk for illness and complication. I will provide a change of clothes and all I ask is that you shower beforehand”
“F-ing c_nt”
Make it make sense