Recently, I got this friend of mine into playing a gacha game. She had always sworn to never touch this game, claiming it’s a game for no-lifers, so i’m happy to finally change her mind about it. She got interested in an upcoming male character, and posted about him on her private account’s story with the caption "I’m a day 1 (since i played) \[character name\] wanter". I left a comment under her story, which read: "you’re not a real day 1 \[character name\] wanter, real day 1 \[character name\] wanters have been waiting since he got first introduced" (for context, this game has been out since 2020, and said character got introduced very early into the game). I meant this comment in a joking tone, intending to highlight how lucky she is to be playing now rather than needing to wait years for him like day 1 players.
However seconds after i posted the comment, she sent me a reply in dms, saying that she meant day 1 as in from the day she first started playing, asked if I read the words in the bracket, and claimed that I’m always trying to embarrass her. This then led to her posting a profile update stating she "can’t even post whatever she wants to", and then posting a video on her story with the caption "You low-key always disrespect me and I always let u walk all over me but I’m starting to realise that’s not what a bsf should do".
There had been multiple similar situations where this has happened, where I would make a statement which she finds offensive, and she’ll start vague-posting about it until I decide to message her and apologise about it. Normally I would just think that I’m the problem, and that I should work on how I word my sentences better so I do not upset her, but the problem is that she’ll often say similar things to the things I say which she finds offensive. So I don’t know how to converse with her, and I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around her.
In fact, i remember an incident that happened in the past, where i had asked a friend to assist me in drawing, in which she told me to draw it myself, asking if i had lacked the skills and telling me i shouldn’t be asking for help. I felt really hurt at the time, and recently, while we were reminiscing about our past and recalling how the majority of my current friend group were in a disagreement with her, I brought up that incident, which she replied by saying we didn’t understand her humour, and that she had to change her humour just for us.
I got really tired of it, so this time, I decided to not send her an apology. I really don’t understand how she interpreted my words to be degrading and meant as an attempt to embarrass her, and I’m tired of her constantly posting about it on her stories for others to see rather than directly tell me how i had upseted her, as if she would rather get others to view me in a negative light rather than properly communicate with me. This happened a day ago, and we had not talked since. AITA for choosing to not apologise?
**Update:** after much thought, I realised what I said was insensitive and made her feel like she didn’t deserve to enjoy the character, so I sent her an apology and told her she can enjoy whoever she wants, no matter when she started playing, because it doesn’t matter as long as she’s having fun. I know I made a mistake this time with what I said. I had originally meant to send a joke comment to be sarcastic and to mimic those who say stuff like ‘You’re not a real xxx fan’, but didn’t realise that it probably came off as a mocking comment about her, which made her feel embarrassed. I know she’ll probably forgive me, considering the number of times we’ve bickered and forgiven each other over silly things too. But i just hope I don’t end up saying hurtful things without thinking again next time 😭 Either ways, i’m thankful for the comments for giving me the insight I needed to apologize and improve myself as a person, i’m certain that once we talk this out, we’ll be able to avoid childish arguements next time, and also hopefully we can strengthen our friendship because in the end, she still means a lot to me as a close friend
Yes
ESH
This is Genshin for sure and you’re both being childish. ESH.
Holy high school what did I just read.
ESH
This is about fucking Genshin I just know it 😭 as a Genshin player (regrettably), grow the fuck up. It’s a goddamn gacha game who gives a fuck if someone says they’re a day one character wanter?? Like genuinely. It’s a bunch of pixels. YTA.
I so want to set a Remind Me! for a few days in case anytime comes back with an ACKCHUALLY THEY’RE POLYGONS since Genshin is 3D.
You absolutely put her in her place, it was quite cold.
You don’t like when she was passive aggressive in the past, but she wasn’t this time. She said to you right away that she was hurt and she feels like you’re putting her down and trying to embarrass her.
In the past you didn’t like the comment/“joke” about drawing, and she apparently changed her humour to make it more appropriate after that. Maybe now it’s your turn to do the same
YTA
YTA. “I really don’t understand how she interpreted my words to be degrading and meant as an attempt to embarrass her.” Try reading them again.
ESH. In the absence of tone (or emojis) in text, words have even more impact. You put her down online and she made it clear to you. There was no reason to call her out as someone who just started
YTA your *public* comment doesn’t come across as joking at all, it makes it sound like you’re calling her a ‘poser’ for not getting into the game/character sooner, and doing it in a place where other people can see. Obviously her vague-posting about you is childish, but those are her stories and she can complain however she wants on there. You publicly commented on her stories, so whoever sees her stories can see your (seemingly) snarky comment about your friend.
So what was the intention of your comment, if not to embarrass her?
ESH.
YTA for the comment you made. You convinced her to play and then publicly diminished her experiences.
Did you want her to play so that you would have someone to lord it over? That’s how it sounds to me.
That was definitely not my intention, but i see how it came off that way. I was definitely acting immature and didn’t think before speaking, I just wanted to joke about how she’s lucky to have started playing now so she didn’t have to wait a really long time for the character to be released. I’ve sent her an apology after picking my words carefully, and next time I’ll try to think before I speak 😭