I (late 50s F) got a phone call recently from my son (late 20s M) and his wife (mid 20s F). They have a baby together. She is a stay-at-home mom and my son works full time to support them. They called me together to tell me that my son has been using "7 tabs" which I just found out is some type of legal over the counter drug that’s highly addictive. According to them, he’s spending about $300 a week on this stuff. He said she was threatening to tell me about his addiction in an attempt to make him stop but he decided he wanted to call me first before she could tell me, out of respect for me.
DIL said they couldn’t afford his addiction. Now, I don’t condone his drug use but it’s not his responsibility to provide for her. The baby should be his only responsibility to provide for financially as his wife is a grown woman and if they were divorced he wouldn’t be providing for her and she would have a job. So I suggested that my DIL could get a job. Since my son is the one earning money, I explained that ultimately it is his money, and if he chooses to spend it how he wants, that’s his decision. This has been bothering me for a while actually. It makes sense for her to contribute financially instead of expecting him to carry everything alone. She said she doesn’t want to put the baby in daycare. Plenty of mothers work and put their kids in daycare-it’s normal. My ex husband was addicted to drugs and in prison and I had to work full time to support my kids. I have always instilled in my son that he he has to find a woman who works.
She then whispered to him to hang up on me and when I tried to message her I found out that she blocked me. AITA for suggesting my DIL get a job instead of leaching off of my son?
YTA they got married yes she’s his responsibility. Just because you had to suffer doesn’t mean every woman has to. Yes your drug addicted son should take responsibility and get some help.
YTA. This is a marriage, and in most cases right now, it’s literally cheaper to have a SAH parent than pay for daycare. The average cost is more than they’d make from 30 hours a week, and the take home from that extra 10 isn’t going to pay for your son’s drug problem.
It’s clear, even from this minor look, you hate your DIL and she’s entirely correct to block you out of her life completely.
YTA. You’re bitter. Your son is telling you he has a drug problem and your response is, tell your wife to get a job so you can afford your drug habit.
YTA
YTA – He absolutely does have a responsibility to his wife if they agreed that he’d be the breadwinner and she’d take care of the household. You don’t even seem concerned that your son is addicted. You’re actually saying she should get a job so he can spend his money taking drugs?? If they were divorced he’d pay child support, perhaps alimony and he’d have to take care of his own house and look after his child. Oh wait, he wouldn’t be able to do that since he’s spending his time and money being addicted.
YTA. She said they couldn’t afford the addiction and your response was that she should get a job. I hope you can take a moment to think about what that sounds like. Your son and his wife have decided she can stay home with their child. As his family, he has taken on the responsibility of her, so you don’t get to speak to that. You also weren’t asked for your opinion. They only wanted to tell you about his addiction and now you’ve damaged the relationship.
They called to tell you that your son has an expensive addiction that’s causing harm to his marriage and your response is that his wife needs to get a job, rather than “How can I help you break the addiction?”…..YTA
Her having a job or not has zero impact on him having an unhealthy habit. You choosing to focus on what you see as her shortcoming rather than acknowledging your son’s problem is why YTA
Wow talk about focusing on the wrong things! Your daughter in law is obviously looking for your supoort as they deal with your son’s addiction. Figure out what support looks like and do that.
YTA.
YTA as someone who is a leach off her husband as you say. I stay at home, taking care of the house and our three children. I’ve saved us a ton of money on daycare/nanny cost, that any job I would have would take most of my paycheck to pay for daycare. I would love to contribute financially but it wouldn’t be worth it at the moment. I don’t know their whole situation but I understand a mother wanting to stay home and be with her little ones as long as she can. You’re judging her so harshly meanwhile your son is suffering from addiction and you don’t seem to care. Very interesting.
YTA
So it’s not the addiction that is destroying your son and his families life to blame, but the SAHM who is doing her best to keep the family going while your son is losing it to addiction
Yikes.
YTA WTF did I just read, of course your son has an obligation financially support HIS WIFE after she birthed and stays home to care for THEIR baby & house. Jst because your asshole ex was a dead beat drug addict doesnt mean that your DIL should suffer the same fate. Also what kind of mother are you that instead of offering some support to your drug addict son you start attacking his wife and expecting her to get a job to continue funding his addiction ???????
Really? You support your son’s expensive addiction behavior over him supporting his wife, the mother of your grandson?YTA, yes, and a piss poor MIL as well.
You really are the in-law from hell. You have just shifted the blame from him to her.
It is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to be clean and provide for the family. And who do you expect to look after the child if she goes back to work? And just FYI, if I had gone back to work when my two were little, daycare would have cost us MORE than what I would have earnt – which would have defeated the purpose of me going back to work.
Get off that effing high horse of yours and be supportive of your daughter in-law.
She should get a job, you say? N T A. That’s a great idea.
Not only should she get a job, she should get her own bank account, and her own place to live with her baby.
She should file for divorce and full custody, and claim child support from her loser of a husband who is a danger to her and their child.
Oh, did I say N T A? Oops. My bad. YTA, of course. Your priorities are sewer-deep.
Edited for correction.