I work in a corporate office with a pretty rigid hierarchy. I’m mid-level, and the person involved here is a female senior colleague who isn’t my direct manager but is very high up in the company. She has a lot of influence, regularly sits in leadership meetings, and her opinions tend to quietly steer decisions even when she isn’t officially in charge. She also has a reputation for being polite on the surface but subtly condescending – the kind of person who reminds you where you stand without raising her voice.
We had a packed team meeting with leadership present, and everyone was invited to bring ideas for an upcoming project. I spent a lot of time preparing mine and was encouraged by my manager beforehand to present it.
When it was my turn, I had barely gotten through the setup of my idea when she interrupted me and said, in a calm, almost amused tone:
"I think this might be getting a little ahead of where your role sits right now. Let’s not overcomplicate things."
The room went quiet.
I was honestly stunned and embarrassed. I hadn’t even finished explaining the concept or the reasoning behind it. No one else was cut off like that. What made it worse is that as the meeting went on, other people ended up rephrasing parts of what I was trying to say -and those versions were received positively. By the end of the meeting, my proposal was basically the only one everyone agreed was workable, even though I never got the chance to fully present it or get credit for it.
I didn’t say anything back. I didn’t argue or challenge her in the moment. But I know my reaction showed – I gave her a pretty clear death stare and became noticeably colder and quieter for the rest of the meeting. Internally, I was furious. I didn’t say it out loud, but in my head I absolutely wanted to call her a bitch for how calculated and dismissive the whole thing felt.
Afterward, a coworker told me my reaction was "unprofessional" and that I should’ve just brushed it off because "that’s how she is." But from my perspective, being publicly shut down like that especially by someone with that much informal power felt less like feedback and more like a reminder of rank.
So… AITA for reacting the way I did, even though I kept my mouth shut? Or was my senior colleague out of line?
Sounds like the office is your problem. You start by acknowledging there is a rigid hierarchy in place, and then are put out when the hierarchy makes itself known. It would have been highly unprofessional to call your senior a “b\*tch”, or any other woman for that matter. Why the need for gendered slurs, BTW?
YTA
You seem to have difficulties is more complex social settings, do you?
YOu seem to overestimate your importance.
>I gave her a pretty clear death stare and became noticeably colder and quieter for the rest of the meeting.
YTA to yourself because this won’t work for you. It won’t accomplish anything positive. You need to learn how to box clever rather than responding in a reflexive, clearly-readable emotional way.
It’s not that this person wasn’t rude to you, it’s just that showing the response you did demonstrates that you aren’t capable of handling things like this in a professional, more subtle way that keeps a number of things in consideration — such as your position, the context, your professionalism, what reaction would actually lead to a good outcome for you (as well as managing the current situation well), and so on.
It seems to me that you had people who were sympathetic to you, but they noticed your reaction and even those who are on your side thought it was unprofessional and thought it was lucky you didn’t actually say anything that matched your noticeable expression.
At least you didn’t actually say it, cases like this are very normal in a workplace setting that is very rigid.
From my perspective it sounds like your proposal wasn’t that original or innovative if other people in the meeting had similar ideas and argued better than you. You didn’t even get through the setup of your idea, so no one stole it from you. Maybe you need to work on your delivery when presenting ideas, if you were taking a long time I can see why you’d be cut off.
Regardless, YTA, and you’re not doing yourself any favors for your career. Office politics are rarely fair, but if you want a job you need to play the game
So, I noticed that you included her gender and were very focused on it, but didn’t include yours. Why?
Because the way you zero in on her gender and that she’s in a power position and want to call her a name that is typically derived to target women seen as a threat to well… men in a corporate setting comes across as very much being angry that you have this “woman” over you. You might want to check that ego a bit if you can’t control your emotions in a professional setting, especially when getting put in place by your woman senior. And even moreso, if it was noticeable enough, it came up in your performance review as a confrontation.
I don’t think she handled it well because that does come across as cutting the legs out from under you, and I would be poed about it from a male or a female superior… but I think there’s more going on here than you’re sharing. Especially when I scrolled through and also saw you say that you and she have history, which implies even more details left out to make a fair judgment.
I lean towards everyone in this situation because to show you’re ready to present with leadership and put the big ideas out, you have to be in control of your emotions and handle when there are shutdowns, criticism, and sometimes, straight up ridicule. It’s not always pleasant being professional, and death glares are really something best kept tucked away in your mind until you can get home and rage about it. Yes, I’ve been in leadership in the corporate world in my past life and dealt with people that pushed me to mentally scream “f- you”, but I kept my face from showing it. And, she also sounds like she is a hardarse cause being so condescending in front of leadership is absolutely a calculated move.
But realistically, this is an INFO situation where you’ve left out some important details.
YTA. You are sexist. I know if a man did this to you, you wouldn’t call him any of this or any other insults just because of his position.
Absolutely. If you check his comment history he has comments about how the only way to treat a feminist is by “drilling the feminism” out of them. Wish I could attach the screenshot cus hes probably gonna private his shit after reading this 😂
He calls himself a Virile Straight Male. OMFG what a piece of poooop he is. 😂😂😂 I went to his comments. Vomit. Incel alert.
“Man doesn’t like woman being in a position of power and got his ego bruised….wants to know if he’s wrong for almost resorting to childness name calling”
Fixed it for you.
YTA. Body languages communicates as well. If this person cut you down, it would have been up to your manager to stand up for you and back you with their seniority. Staring the exec down showed your immaturity and lack of readiness for engaging with people who disagree. Corporate has its oen set of rules and behaviors. You don’t have to take it lying down, but there are other ways to stand up for yourself
ESH. You shouldn’t have death glared and actually addressed it, a simple “oh I thought all levels were invited to contribute” before continuing would have been a much stronger move that would have made your point a lot better.
YTA. Her gender has no importance to the interaction but you made it front and center. Your reaction was unprofessional.
Also, you admit, more than once, that you weren’t able to fully present your idea. That you didn’t get to even finish the setup but are upset that you didn’t get credit for your coworkers having similar ideas. How are you demanding credit for an idea you didn’t even get to present? Has it occurred to you that “your idea” wasn’t as original as you believed?