I (early 20s) have been friends with the same three people for almost five years. Two of them are graduating this year. One of the graduates and I have had ongoing communication issues. Earlier in our friendship, we were quite close. We bonded a lot, especially during a period when she had a strong crush on a mutual friend and talked about it frequently. I spent a lot of time listening and supporting her, even when others had grown tired of the topic.
After she entered a different romantic relationship, our dynamic changed. She stopped reaching out regularly, responded less, and mostly contacted me when she needed support. When I tried to communicate that I felt sidelined, she reacted poorly and told me that she was very busy and that the amount we communicate was enough.
When she began planning her graduation, I asked when it would be because I wanted to attend. She told me she thought it would be difficult for me to come and that I didn’t need to trouble myself. I told her multiple times that I wanted to be there, but she continued to say I didn’t need to come. I eventually accepted this and assumed she didn’t want me to attend.
Later, in a group chat, she asked another friend if she was coming to her graduation. When that friend said no, she became very upset and clearly disappointed. I jokingly offered again to attend, and she again said I didn’t need to.
Months passed. As graduation plans for our other friends came up, she reached out and invited me. I reminded her that she had previously told me multiple times not to come. She said she thought it might be far or inconvenient for me (which is partly true, as I live farther away) and told me I could come if I wanted.
She then added that since another friend wasn’t attending one graduation, it would “balance out the dynamic” if I didn’t attend hers. Given our earlier interactions and the mixed signals, I decided not to attend her graduation and instead attend the other one I had already planned to go to.
Some friends think I should still go because everyone will be there and it could be enjoyable, while others think it was reasonable for me to decline.
**AITA for choosing not to attend her graduation after being told multiple times not to come?**
AI nonsense
She is not a great friend. OF COURSE you were “close” when she wanted you to support her crush 24/7, no one else would!
I don’t think it matters whether you go or not. I don’t care why she’s suddenly inviting you.
If you don’t want to go, don’t. If you think it would be fun, go, unless it conflicts with a better friend’s event.
NTA.
PS, everything is life-or-death in your teens & 20s, but in 10 years, no one will care about any of this.
What a drama !
NTA
If everyone else in your friendship group is going then go to see them.
When are you graduating?
I bet she doesn’t turn up to yours !
I bet you’re right. It’s like funerals, if you don’t go to theirs, they won’t go to yours!
NTA so glad I don’t deal with this childish nonsense anymore.
It’s an invitation, not a summons.
You offered and asked to attend a few times and were rebuffed by her.
I’d at the very most send her a card wishing her a happy graduation but that’s as much as I would do at this point.
If you are asked directly by her, I’d say that after X number of times asking to attend you understood it very clearly that she didn’t want you there and you’ve now made alternative arrangements for your time on that date.
NTA