I (27F) I have a friend (28F) who recently went and moved in with her boyfriend. She is now living about 2 1/2 hours away and I refuse to reach out to her to see how she is doing. Some backstory, this friend and I have been close for about 2 years. Recently, she went away to school in another country and while she was there, she never answered my text or phone calls and only reached out to me when she needed things (money, a place to visit when coming home, to complain about a situation ect.) at first I never thought much of it as I understand that moving away to another country for school can be very hard and expensive and distracting meeting new people and seeing new places. Ever ever since she come back to school though she has been a different person. She has been very aggressively opinionated and hard to talk to. We have also noticed that she has been telling us little white lies here and there, nothing major but enough to make you question how many things she’s lied to you about. She started dating this guy and me and another of our friends really don’t like him and see that he is controlling all aspects of her life and doesn’t have much interest in getting to know the people in her life whatsoever, (as well as many other things) So recently she moved in with him 2 1/2 hours away from where we all live. She has not once reached out to me, called me, texted me or anything and has only reached out to one of our other friends when she asked her to do something for her. Both myself and our other friend are refusing to reach out to her to see if she’s going to reach out to continue the friendship or if she’s only using us for things when she needs something. Am I the asshole for not trying to keep in contact with her? Also, whose responsibility would it be to keep up with this friendship? The person that moved away? Or person that stays? I understand it should be two sided but who should reach out first?
Edit: I have taken out the “best” in front of friend part of the post. I also wanted to add that we have know each other for about 7 years but have only become close in the last 2-3
NAH. Sounds like a natural end to the relationship.
NAH nobody is responsible, if it happens it happens.
YTA – why are you calling her your best friend if you refuse to contact her?
Friendships change over time.
If you want to be her friend, go ahead and reach out. But if you feel used or lied to, let the friendship go. Make new friends, learn new things, and don’t dwell on this relationship.
NTA
Why do you think she’s a friend? She in no way behaves like a friend. She’s not your friend. No reason to reach out to her at all. NTA.
ESH. Just block and delete her number and forget about her. You’ve only known her for two years.
Relationships are reciprocal. The burden of maintenance isn’t on one person, but on both.
That said, you’re NTA. This person is not your friend. You reached out and she did not reciprocate. You’ve done your due diligence.
NAH. It sounds like you’re ready to move on from the friendship, and her moving away feels like a clean, natural break. Don’t chase relationships; it’s never worth it.
NTA
This person is no longer your friend, if she ever was.
Friendships have a life-cycle and this one died a while ago.
No issues not reaching out to a Former friend. That is how life goes.
>I have a best friend
Present tense?
NTA
How is this your best friend? You’ve only known each other two years and you sound like you don’t even like her.
Beware though. From what you describe, I’m rather worried about your friend. Her controlling boyfriend who doesn’t care about her relationships has gotten her to move 2,5 hours away? That could be a deliberate move to cut off her social circle so he can abuse her without interference.
The infrequency of contact isn’t a problem (Male, 3 beat friends don’t live nearby, see them 2-3 times a year – although do WhatsApp them a bit more).
The problem is them totally ignoring you.
NTA – they’re not actually a friend.
Not all friendships are meant to last a lifetime and that is ok. People grow and people change. I wouldn’t reach out at all and just let the friendship go.