Posting here for the first time because I’m in a position where I’m genuinely not sure if I’m the asshole or not.
My family owns a vacation home, which we all use on weekends every winter. For the last month or so, my younger brother has been living there full-time while working at a bar and restaurant down the road. My brother is a self-described misanthrope and moved out to the vacation house to avoid interacting with other people as much as possible, although he and I get along well and always have a good time hanging out whenever I visit.
I am a big fan of the bar and restaurant where my brother works. I’ve been going there for the last couple of years when visiting the house, long before he got the job there. Last year, I took two separate groups of friends to the restaurant, and we had a great time. We’ve been talking about going back ever since. When I heard my brother got a job tending the bar at the restaurant, I was excited at the thought of seeing him there with my friends.
I’m planning to visit the house in a couple of weeks with two of my friends, and informed my brother that we were likely going to visit the restaurant that Saturday. (We would get table service, rather than sitting at the bar, and wouldn’t be his direct customers.) My brother got angry at this and requested that I go somewhere else instead. When I asked him why, he said that one of his biggest pet peeves is when people he knows come into his bar, and that Saturdays were typically his busiest evenings, so he didn’t want me to add to the pile of work. He told me he would be angry if I still came after hearing this.
I told him that he didn’t have the right to tell me not to eat at a restaurant where I had been a repeat customer for years, including before he started working there. He said that his request was relatively minor, and pointed out that there are other local restaurants and bars.
My brother told me that if any friend or family asked him not to come to their workplace, he would respect the request, and that it was rude of me to disrespect his request by threatening to eat there. I told him it was rude and inconsiderate of him to ask me to stop eating at a restaurant I liked after he started working there. We are currently at an impasse. AITA?
Sounds like he needs to grow up
NTA, but your brother kind of is. He seems incredibly entitled. I would tell him that whatever issue he has sounds personal and is not your problem. Also, it’s not “his” restaurant… and if the owner knew he were turning potential customers away, I’m sure they would be super irritated. I would tell him kindly that you’re sorry he’s upset, he won’t even know you’re there, and that you hope he can find a way to work through his feelings, but you know it’s a quality restaurant and want to show your visitors a good time. Maybe throw him an extra tip while you’re there… although that’s not necessary.
NTA. Are you sure he works there? Maybe he is afraid you will learn he doesn’t.
His reaction is a bit over the top. Especially if you plan to be in the dining area.
I hadn’t considered this. I am pretty confident he’s working there, since my parents visited very recently and I think they would have noticed if he wasn’t. I love my brother, but not wanting familiar people to be customers at his bar does seem like an in-character reaction for him, as strange as it might sound.
NTA. My first guess is that he no longer actually works there and doesn’t want the family to find out. Second guess is that he’s up to something shady.
As a former server/bartender, having your friends and family come into to your restaurant was the best because they tipped like crazy…
That first guess was mine, too. Or perhaps that he never worked there to begin with. A “self-described misanthrope” working at a place where he has to interact with people \*all the time\*? Not the choice I would make in his place, at least.
NTA…When you tend bar, you’re going to run into people you know. That’s a bad pet peeve to have in that line of work.
NTA but why not just honor his request? There may be reasons he does not want you there that has nothing to do with you. Just go to another bar/restaurant and see if he has a night off to hang out.
To be clear, I am honoring his request, and told him so already. I just find it to be inconsiderate and am disappointed I won’t get to eat at this restaurant with my friends.
NTA. I’ve worked with people that feel the same way your brother does. But in hospitality, you really don’t get to often choose who your customers are. Especially if they aren’t doing anything wrong. He’s in the wrong line of work if he’s trying this hard to forbid you from going to a public place.
I would tell him you’re going but you don’t have to interact at all. He needs to grow up a bit about this, and you can try and compromise by letting him do his job at the bar while yall enjoy a place you have been frequenting for years, and will go to after he’s not working there anymore.
He really is being absurd about this
Working at a restaurant does at no point make it “his restaurant” for that title you need to own it in some way.
Sounds like your brother has a habit of claiming things that don’t belong to him and turning it into his entire personality.
NTA but honestly skip “his restaurant” or go and leave a huge tip for his coworker. Honestly your brother sounds like he’s 16, and he needs to grow up and realize all the people he hates don’t bow to him.
I think a compromise is that you can promise not to acknowledge him or interact at all at his workplace
NTA. The bar/restaurant is open to the public so anyone is able to enter and eat there. If your brother can’t accept that then he needs some professional help.
“Hey boss, just fyi that I don’t like people I know coming to the restaurant when I’m on shift. I send them to your competitors. Hope that’s okay!”