For context, my ex-boyfriend and I are equal leaseholders on our 2-bed / 2-bath apartment. We previously had a girl subleasing the second bedroom while my ex and I shared the other. That arrangement worked out great because she was quiet, respectful, clean, and very kind.
Unfortunately, she decided to move out, which left us with an extra room. I became exhausted from searching for new subtenants and interviewing people to find someone compatible with my lifestyle. My ex then suggested that he take the extra room and turn it into his office/man cave so we wouldn’t have to worry about conflicts over cleanliness or touching each other’s belongings. I agreed, since I like to keep my personal space very clean and minimal.
Things changed when his cousins wanted to visit, and he asked if I’d be okay with that. I was hesitant because I personally don’t like them and didn’t know how respectful or clean they would be in my home. However, I agreed because they are his family, and although I don’t care for them, they’ve never been rude to me. He told me they would probably stay for about a month. I already felt that was too long, but I assumed they might leave earlier once they got bored or wanted to return home to their kids.
The weekend they arrived, my ex and I got into a huge argument. I decided to leave for a couple of days and crash at another friend’s place just to have some peace, especially since he told me he wanted me out of the apartment before the lease was even up. Friends advised me that he legally couldn’t do that, and I also contacted the leasing agent to confirm that we are equal leaseholders. I asked about a roommate release or early termination on my end, but neither option is allowed under my lease. The only viable option would be to do a lease takeover, where I find someone to take over my lease, or he could take it over and be the proprietary leaseholder.
When I returned, I walked in to find his cousins sitting on the couch, and I immediately felt awkward in my own home, which is strange considering they aren’t paying rent and my name is on the lease. The kitchen and living room were a total mess, and the washer and dryer were filled with clothes that no one bothered to remove. Their shoes were scattered all over the floor, and the room they’re staying in is a complete mess. On top of that, loud music was being played, and I had to file a noise complaint since they would not listen to me.
I’ve tried to have as little interaction with them as possible, but I don’t think it’s fair that I’m being made to feel like a stranger in my own home. I have yet to speak to my ex about it, but I think there needs to be some rules set for them if they are going to live in my apartment + I made sure to clean the extra room before their arrival, thinking they were going to be respectful and not cause problems. So, AITA for not wanting them in the apartment and to kick them out?
NTA. You did agree to let them stay, so they will be occupying the common area. Make sure to continually mention that their stay is limited to a month at the most.
As far as the clothes in the washer and dryer go, let them know that you will be removing any clothing that is left in either machine whenever you want to do your laundry. Pile the wet clothes from the washer and the dry clothes from the dryer on their bed. You do not have to be inconvenienced by these people. Nor do you have to be considerate of their disrespect.
Definitely NTA, but you should know that if you try to proceed with this, your ex and his cousins are all gonna think you’re the asshole and can make things tough for you till they move out. I wouldn’t roll in guns blazing with this one
You haven’t spoken to your ex about it. I mean try that first. It is a good way to get you out if that is what the ex wants. Exactly how do you plan on kicking them out if they are invited by a lease holder? Just live out the lease the best you can and move on. NTA but not in a good position.
Yes, I do plan on talking with him first, but I did send an email out to the leasing agency to make sure that there is a provision that states how many days they are able to stay within the apartment. I do have a copy of my lease, but I cannot find anything that says they can stay indefinitely or anywhere that states a maximum number of days.
NTA. You’re paying for the place, you have every right to feel upset about its cleanliness. But this is a situation that hinges on communication. You say you’ve tried to have minimal interactions with them, which is natural when you’re around people you aren’t comfortable with, but you should definitely sit them down and set some ground rules.
It’s for a month? Can you deal with it for a little bit. They could refuse to leave and make it even more stressful.
I could tough it out for a month, but there needs to be some ground rules if they want to stay.
I don’t think you’re being an AH here, but I have to say: (IANAL, but) I’m not convinced that filing a noise complaint with the HOA related to sounds coming from *within your own residence* is going to work out as well as you would hope.
NTA and contact the leasing agent to find out how long a visitor can stay. Some places it is 2 days per month, others a week.
NTA but he’s using them to force you out. Making it so unpleasant you want to leave.
NTA, technically. You are paying for the apartment, it’s your name on the lease, so you have rights to the space. However, I would say that maybe agreeing to let the cousins stay with the *assumption* that they would leave early was not the wisest decision. Technically, you did agree to let them stay, and this agreement maybe could be used against you.
People are allowed to change their minds if the guests don’t follow the house rules. When they don’t, you have every right to”to go back on your word” which technically you didn’t. They did by not upholding their end of the contract. If you kick them out now, before they claim residency, you’ll be fine as far as the law is concerned. There is nothing illegal or immoral about throwing out ungrateful guests.
INFO: Is your ex paying you rent for the other room?