I’d really like some outside perspective because I still feel frustrated by this situation. I’m not sure if I over reacted, or am just finally establishing boundaries.
My sister (35f) who lives in another state is in town with her daughter (3f) and asked me last night if I was available today to hang out. I (36f) canceled my therapy appointment, to make time for her today, and said I’d come by after the gym. I finished my work out and called her. She wasn’t at my mom’s house, where we said we’d meet, but out walking in the neighborhood with her daughter. I asked if she was going back to the house, as we were planning to take a walk together. She asked me to meet at the “300 block of Main St”. I told her that was a weird way to find a place, and if she could just give me a cross street or specific address. She insisted they’d be at the 300 block and I should have no issues finding it. Fine.
I drive down main street past the 300 block, and don’t see her. I drive back up the 300 block, still no sign of them. I drive to my mom’s house which is nearby, no one’s there. I drive back to the 300 block of Main Street, still don’t see them.
At that point, I felt like the whole situation was disrespectful. She knew we made plans to meet, and sent me on a goose chase to find them. After going back and forth I was pissed and decided to leave. She calls me while I’m heading home and insists they were there, and tells me “it wasn’t her intension” to make me feel frustrated. No apologies, no accountability, just some evasive dialog. I don’t know. I feel like my time is so disrespected, in that moment I had had enough. I feel like I overreacted, but at the same time, I made such an effort to accommodate her, and she couldn’t even be in a tangible location.
EDIT – I let her know the night before I’d be done with the gym by 11:30am and at my mom’s by 12pm. When I finished working out I called her and let her know I was 10 minutes away.
NTA at all. She was disrespectful of you and your time
NTA. You canceled a therapy appointment—which is both a financial and emotional commitment—just to make time for her. The least she could do was be at the agreed-upon location or provide a clear, static address.
Giving someone a vague ‘300 block’ while they are driving and then not being visible is incredibly frustrating and disrespectful of your time. Her saying ‘it wasn’t her intention’ is a classic non-apology; it dismisses your feelings without her taking responsibility for her poor communication. You didn’t overreact; you set a boundary that your time is valuable. If she really wanted to see you, she would have made it easy for you to find her.
Thank you for your message. Honestly I was hoping she’d just take accountability for being so hard to track down, and I would have driven back. When she double downed with “not her intention” it felt so dismissive of my time.
NTA. It’s weird she didn’t give cross-streets or any landmarks.
Right! I feel like she didn’t understand what the 300 block was because she wasn’t there. I drove from the 600 to 200 block 3 times just to make sure I didn’t miss them.
>said I’d come by after the gym.
That’s not a specific time. You also didn’t mention letting her know when you were on the way.
>She asked me to meet at the “300 block of Main St”. I told her that was a weird way to find a place
It’s really not, although I wonder if the issue was a S Main vs N Main kind of thing.
>I drive down main street past the 300 block, and don’t see her. I drive back up the 300 block, still no sign of them.
Why didn’t you call?
>At that point, I felt like the whole situation was disrespectful.
You showed up when it was convenient for you, without a heads-up that you were on the way, and you feel disrespected that she wasn’t sitting around doing nothing waiting for you to show up, then left the meet-up spot without calling. YTA.
I think… NTA, but your reaction *was* a bit over the top. I don’t think there was much that was actually disrespectful about what she did, but it seems like there is a whole lot of history between you two that had you reading that subtext from this situation. I honestly don’t blame you – when you’ve had enough, you’ve had enough – but also if it had been anybody else I don’t think most people would react the way you did.
She’s shown she’s not going to change, so you have to set boundaries that are comfortable for you. Do what you need to do to maintain your mental health. Don’t cancel things to meet her. If you’re free and feel up to it, do it, but expect her to be flaky and unpredictable, and if you don’t want to deal with that, make sure you engage in a way that minimises the inconvenience to you (maybe it means she has to come to you so you haven’t lost a day of she doesn’t show up). It’s not a punishing her. It’s about managing your interactions with her so that they are comfortable for you.
ESH. Why on earth didn’t you call her during all this ? You both seem to be hopeless communicators .
I called her when I was on the 300 block but it went the voicemail.
You put in so much effort just to make time for her and this is what you get in return, it’s disrespectful of your time and the fact that she hasn’t apologized OR even gave you a heads up that she might be late are only signs that you made the right call. NTA
I mean, the tone of this message makes it sound like there is some background here for why you are frustrated so quickly. But based purely on this post, ESH.
Why did you not call her when you were driving around the block?
You both were poor planners here. You gave her a vague “meet after the gym,” which gives her no hard time commitment.
She gave a vague place to meet.
You are both poor planners and communicators
I forgot to include some details, I told her I’d be out of the gym by 11:30 and at my mom’s house by 12pm which was in line with my timing. I called her when I left the gym to tell her I was 10 minutes away. I called her again when I was looking for her, but it went to VM.
Put this info as an edit to the main post. You’re so clearly NTA
She claims it wasn’t her intention to frustrate you, and maybe that’s true. But it definitely wasn’t her intention to be where she said she’d be, and I don’t blame you for being annoyed. NTA