Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I feel emotionally tangled and can’t tell what’s reasonable anymore.
I recently started dating someone. I didn’t tell everyone immediately because I was still figuring out my own feelings and didn’t want to talk about it until I felt clearer.
I ended up telling **Friend A** first , she was my friend before anyone else and felt like the safest person to talk to. Over the last few years, though, Friend A has become closer to **Friend B**, who is also my friend. Friend A later told Friend B that I was dating, and Friend B found out through her instead of directly from me.
When Friend B spoke to me about it, she said it hurt to always be the last person to know and that it made her feel left out. I understood where she was coming from and apologized for not looping her in sooner.
What’s making this harder is that I already feel a bit insecure , I can’t shake the thought that Friend B might be more “his type” than me, and that adds another layer of anxiety. I’m aware this is my insecurity to manage, but it made the situation feel worse emotionally, especially knowing she heard about my dating life indirectly.
Now I’m feeling a lot of guilt for not telling her sooner, for her finding out through someone else and for having these insecure thoughts at all
At the same time, I genuinely wasn’t trying to keep her out of the loop , I was just processing privately and spoke to the person I felt closest to at that moment.
I care about both of them and never meant to hurt anyone, but I also don’t want to punish myself endlessly for how this unfolded.
Any honest perspective would really help. Thank you.
NTA. You’re allowed to process life changes at your own pace before broadcasting them to the world. Sure, it stings to be the last to know, but a true friend would understand. As for insecurity, comparison is the thief of joy, my dude. You do you.
but what if he finds her prettier , then what will i do? if heleaves me for her
Dear, those thoughts on its own are ruining your relationship, not her.
Ask yourself these questions: did he say that? Is he the reason you’re feeling that or is it your assumption?
If your answers are no, ignore your thoughts. If your answers are yes, he is not a good man. The right man will nurture, protect and improve your life – even if it means to have hard conversations. There are good men out there and good friends too. Here, with the little information you’ve given, you sounds like you need to change your mindset. I would not recommend sharing this particular insecurity with your friends or your bf though
not an asshole! but definitely overthinking things, I don’t think anyone’s actually hurt here.
also, please don’t invent an imaginary scenario in your head where friend b is superior dating wise to a guy who asked YOU out! no need for that, you’re great
NTA. Many friendships go through bumpy areas, and this is just one of them. If you care for everyone and if they care for you, you will figure it out and no bad feelings should happen. You should not feel guilty for not telling everyone, as some things dont always need to be told. I feel if you told friend A not to tell anyone, its a little bit on her. But, at the end of the day just talk it out and see what happens. Insecurities happen to all, and dont worry about your partner having eyes for your other friends. If they do, then you know he is not the one. Just express these feelings to friend B and hope that she understands.