This is my first post and English is not my first language, so please bear with me.
My boyfriend (19M) and I (20F) are having a disagreement about a family vacation. The dilemma is that months ago, before his family invited him to go on this trip, we had already talked about going to the same place together next year.
He isn’t really excited about traveling in general, so when we talked about going, he wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was, but we still agreed that we would go next year. The idea was that, as college students, we could save money in the meantime and plan the trip properly.
What bothers me is that I asked him not to go now, because I wanted that place to be our first time there together. His argument is that if he goes with his family, he won’t have to pay for anything (he doesn’t like spending money), and that I have already been there before.
For me, the issue isn’t whether I’ve been there or not. It’s that this was supposed to be our first getaway as a couple, and I feel like he doesn’t care that we already had plans to go together.
So, AITA?
YTA
Its not reasonable to ask him to miss a family trip because you wanted to go there first but haven’t booked the trip and have no huge reason why you want to go there and you’ve already been before.
If its really important just go with your boyfriend before the family trip.
If that’s not an option just go somewhere else for your first trip.
It’s not cool to ask him to miss a free trip with his family now because you might go there together in the future.
YTA, his family trip doesn’t detract from any trip you take together, you don’t put to waste a location by visiting more than once and your first trip together to whatever place will always be that first experience together. Don’t be so controlling
YTA, don’t make demands of a boyfriend that cause friction with his family. You’ve been to this place already, yet he shouldn’t go with his family? You might not be together next year.
Definitely not if she keeps trying to control him! And, as a mom, I wouldn’t want my son dating someone who is trying to keep him from a family vacation
You’ve already been to this location, he wasn’t excited about this spot, and he can go for free with his family. Why not pick a new spot to go in a year? This is your chance to go somewhere neither of you have been to before.
In general, it seems a bit controlling to me to tell a 19 year old that they can’t go on a trip with their family. I don’t think either of you are a-hs, so long as you are open to working this out together. A-H to me would be if you demand it be this one spot. Or, for him is he refuses to travel at all with you, or if he agrees to a new spot but drags his feet on doing any planning or saving.
YTA
The family trip is not about the location. It is about going with family. He’s not going to have many more chances to do this, you know. Why do you feel entitled to deny him this and create drama with his family.
You can still go the place together. Or you can choose a different one.
Oh wait?!?! and you’ve already been there? Please!
His family trip does not preclude the two of you having a getaway together layer. How are these things even connected in your mind?
YTA. Whether he goes with his family or not, this future trip will be still your first getaway as a couple.
Are you trying to control him with that “logic”? Where is any sense in that statement ?
YTA, this is his family! You’re asking him to miss out on an experience with his family members, make memories, spend time together and all those wonderful things (assuming he likes them obviously). I know you had a vision for this first couple getaway in your mind, but you can still go together, or you can go somewhere else that can still be special.
YTA. I understand that you wanted your trip to be special, but this is a place you’ve already been to, so this isn’t a “first time for both of you”. The trip is with his family, too, so it’s free and it’s not a good look for you with his family if he says he can’t go for this reason. Pick a different place that neither of you have been to and go there for your trip.
Gently, YTA
You can’t get mad at him for wanting to go on a family vacation.
YTA, that way of thinking is rather selfish and shows almost envy and jealousy. Let him go and then when you go he can show you all the best recommendations
YTA. This holiday destination doesn’t belong to you. How would you like it if the timing was the other way round and his parents tried telling you guys you couldn’t go before them? That’s just entitled. Gatekeeping ain’t cool.
So you want him to skip a family trip so you can go to place for the first time together? Except it won’t be the first time because you’ve already been there?? Yeah YTA for sure.
YTA you’ve literally already been there and your couples trip is at least a year away. You’ll probably be broken up by then.